Half Mexican Mama

Goodbye...for a while

2007-10-23T13:29:00.000-07:00

Well sadly to say things have not been working out with Buster and I...

My sister is on her way to get me and the girls and we will be moving to Waterford, I need to find a job asap as I do not have a vehicle..I will check my blog from time to time, and I will miss reading all of yours for a while...the only access I have to a computer is at her library until I get my own.

I love my husband and always will, he is a wonderful man and I wish him the best. I just feel that I bring out the bad side of him and he deserves someone who dosent, and hopefully in time, he will find that.

In the meantime, I am not looking. I am going to focus all of my time on working and taking care of my children.

Adios!

The Homefront

2007-10-22T06:40:00.000-07:00

Well I would like to offer up my biggest halfmexican apologies for abandoning this blog latetly.

I have been taking care of 2 houses, and preparing to move hopefully by next weekend...

I wont bore you all with the duties that this incurs as im sure you are all well familiar with the cleaning, painting, packing, moving, boxing-up-your-shit-rituals.....

That being said..

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I would like to share photos of the place with you but I STILLL cannot find my damn download cord.....f***king aliens.

Im sure they're behind this.

Their behind every unexplainable occurence dont ya know???

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Wee One keeps begging me to sing the "Shoot the Marble" song with her....

I have no stinking clue as to what the hell song THAT is.

If anyone knows please help me.

I downloaded a bunch of christian kids songs for her last week and let her listen to them on the laptop...she was going back to the "Gods Army" song for 2hours....she knows how to use the mouse and click....at 3 years old....!!

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The skin below my left eye has been twitching for the last 2 days...WTH????

If anyone knows what causes this please do tell....

Its really starting to get annoying...
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Well I gotta go warm up a leftover taco for breakfast then im off to put away laundry, move a load of boxes to the new place, renew my library books, call and make a car payment and call and renew a script...

Till next time, if you know what the hell the "Shoot the marbles" song is, please inform me OR if you can tell me why my left eye is breakdancing all the time, that would be helpful too...

HMM Out!

What I like vs. What I dont like by HMM

2007-10-17T04:33:00.000-07:00

Im sure every one of us has a special post he/she can put up with a list of likes and dislikes.

I dont usually bitch or gripe about too much. Or I try not too anyway cause nobody likes a whiner, and who really cares right??

I think a lot of you share common interests with me or you wouldnt be reading this right now...

So here goes

Shit I Like
1. Clean scents, ie: candles, fresh linens, new car, leather, victorias secret smells, new tires, a newborn baby.

2. Children whom pick up after themselves....I will leave that one open.

3. Husbands whom cook, and clean up after themselves.

4. Restrooms that do not smell like fresh urine, or hotly stenched feces. Thank you for flushing!

5. Seafood, a nice green salad and white wine. Preferably made by someone else.

6. My friends and family.

7. Living in a "free" country.

8. The smell of spring and fall air.

9. A hot steamy bubble bath with only lit candles in the room and an icy beer. (if youve never done this I highly recommend it, I promise you will feel fantastic afterward)

10. Diet Soda. Preferrably Diet Pepsi.

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Now i'm most certain most of you can relate to the above list, and those are just a few things a gal like HMM are fond of.

Next my friends is a list of things that I am not fond of.

1. Picking up unnameable amounts of dog shit out of the kennel at 7 am.

2. Wiping up dog piss out of the same kennell at 7am. Especially when I didnt want a dog in the first place.

3. Houses that smell like dog, or the dogs waste.

4. My download cord is missing for my camera. I am under the assumption that aliens have taken it since they are being blamed for every other mother loving thing in this world that we humans are to stupid to figure out or explain.

5. People who leave cigarette butts in my sink or in my empty cans....this is not only nasty people but very disrespectable as well...so the next time I come to your house, guess what Im gonna do :-)

6. Stinky litter boxes....this is why I dont have a cat. This among other reasons is why I prefer not to have animals in the house at all. Now dont get me wrong. Im not a hater. I just think anything will four legs belongs outside..

7. Finding hair in my food.

8. People who leave the toilet paper holder empty, or who just place the new roll on top of the holder.

9. Wiping halfmelted red jello off my walls, carpeting and sofa.

10. I saved the best for last....Cleaning up another adults vomit...

There.

Im done.

Now I've safely vented within the secure boundaries of the blogging world.

You wont hear me bitch about too much like ive said before, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do from time to time....right?

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On another note Buster and I were invited to an Adult Only Halloween party this Saturday night.

Believe it or not, and im embarrassed to confess....

Ive NEVER been to one.

We were thinking of dressing up will full masks and wigs and not speaking to ANYONE all night...

When we visit with peeps we thought that we would just shake our head yes and no to everything they say to us.

We had 4 people come to our house one year the week before Halloween. We let them in , they helped themselves to stuff out of our fridge. When we asked who they were they just shook thier heads "yes"

So were like
"Eric?"
"Kelly?"
asking all these names they kept shaking no..

we even took pictures.

they were all dressed like old men and had masks on with wigs hooked to them...

we never did know who those people were. Until about a month later.

But talk about freaky...

at first it was cute, then it was kinda like "um...get out of my house dude"

so yeah, were thinking of freaking people out if we goto this party.

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For shits and giggles I asked my kids a random question last night (Flippy gave me the idear)

Me: "Who wrote the book of love"

Eldest: "God"

Wee One: "Erin"

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Well I gotta go see if I can do something about the smell that lingers in my kitchen thanks to Shitty McStink....

Eloquence

2007-10-15T04:45:00.000-07:00

Eloquence:

Eloquence (from Latin eloquentia) is fluent, forcible, elegant or persuasive speaking in public. It is primarily the power of expressing strong emotions in striking and appropriate language, thereby producing conviction or persuasion. The term is also used for writing in a fluent style. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eloquent

I just heard Donald Trump call Rosie a "degenerate" on the today show.....it made me think of the word above....

I remind myself of the ole Trump sometimes.

Whether this is good or bad, well lets just say were all entitled to our own opinions...

AND in MY opinion Rosie and T need to grow their asses up and quit slamming each other.

Life is to damn short....*snort snort*.

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My buddy ole pal FFG made reference to a certain family of japanese bugs on her ceiling.....

hence reminding me of a certain family of KANGAROO MICE living in the foam insulation of our breezeway in the new house.

I discovered this Saturday as I was leaving the house and saw the little black rodent run from one side of the room to the other and into a tiny hole....

Buster informed me last night as to the type of mice they are to which I replied

"Ya mean like the type that stand on their haunches upright while their little sickening pink front paws dangle in front of them?"

Yep.

I about passed out.

Heavenly Father, please help us rid our new home of the pesky little varmits before we move in. Oh Lord I will not be able to eat, sleep or urinate in that house until then, I will be eternally grateful In Jesus's precious name....Amen

Wish me luck on that one.

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On a brighter note, Wee One will have to put an abrupt halt to her nightly escapades into the depths of my chemical laden kitchen....

Oh sweet victory!

No more wondering if she will build toilet bowl cleaner bombs in the night, or soap slicks on the floor, or just plain letting her 3 year old self outside in the middle of the night.

Her new bedroom will be right next to mine. So I will hear her every little snore and sigh....

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I still cant find my Mother Freakin download cable for my camera.

Shit.

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Not sure if any of you caught the juicy episode of Desperate Housewives last night, and im not going to tell too much cause I dont want to piss anyone off who hasnt seen it already,

BUT

Lynettes mom scored her some "reefer" to take the edge off the chemo meds, and get her to eat, she was SO against smoking it, that momma made her a big batch of brownies.....

OMG even way back in my reefer toking days (havent touched the shit in AGES) I never saw anyone act like that!!! She acted like she was on some sort of PCP trip...!

It was quite entertaining when she showed up at her friends charades party though!

If you dont watch it you are missing true entertainment.....

I know...I need a life....

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I didnt make it to the class of 92 reunion Saturday.

I feel bad, but let me tell you I felt even shittier all day Saturday.

HMM pulled an all nighter at my buddys house.

I havent done that since I was like 18.

Entering your pre-geriatric years, pre-menopausal years, and after having 2 kids, make that 3 if you count Buster,

My little spick body just cant handle it well....

So I stayed home Saturday night, took a shower and put on warm jammies and a robe then taught my eldest to play the new Monopoly game I won from McDonalds.

To say the least we are addicted to it...

Not like the classic (boring) you get 2 MILLION every time you pass go and there are properties like Times Square, Disney Word, and The White House...

Definintely a "must play"

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Feedbag time....

I dont know what the hell im making for dinner.

Leave a suggestion if it strikes your fancy to do so.

All I can say right now is im starving, its 8 in the morning, and im too lazy to get off my ass and make some toast or sumptin.....

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Heres Wishing you all a Great Week,

Keep it rodent free,

and hopefully your dog dosent drag his ass across your carpeting. (Idont know where that came from but its good to wish people nice shit like that)

Vandalism in the night.

2007-10-12T04:40:00.000-07:00

Yes.

We have been "hit' once again.

I made mention a while back about our nighttime vandalism problems...

You know, soap slicks, toilet bowl cleaner bombs and whatnot's.

Well, our little felon-in-training did it again.

This time I took a picture, and wouldn't you know it?

I cannot find my damned download cord.

I awoke in the night, well I was already awake but I got up and hit pause on the DVR before takin my last trip of the evening to the restroom, AND what did I behold!

An unusually large trail of white powder starting at the kitchen trash can and running through Wee Ones bedroom, over her favorite bouncy ball and sprinkled all over her toy box.

I am out of scouring powder, the flour is way up high and I know she cannot reach that, and the novelty can of borax soap on my bathroom sink is still full and intact.

So throughout the night I was just bothered as to what this white substance could be...

Its not sugar.

Its not "blow" I mean where in the heck would a 3 year old score at?

It remained a mystery until Buster remembered the "stress ball" the girls picked up at the neighborladys garage sale last week, she sold it to my kids for a dollar, a rip if you ask me cause it had a hole in it that the eldest kept patching up with electrical tape all week.

AND it was homemade with a balloon.

Well in the wee hours of the night Wee One got curious and allegedly peeled the electrical tape off the culprit, and had a party of her own once again.

I will break her of this habit someday, oh yes I will cause there is no way in hell I plan on spending my Grand parenting years traveling to the state penitentiary to visit my offspring. NO. WAY. IN HELL.

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The Sandusky Community High School Class of 1992 is holding their 15 year class reunion at the Lanes tomorrow night....Old Farts...hee hee.

Sike, Im only a year behind them, just had to throw that dart. Not like it would of landed anywhere, but had to just because.

I'm thinking of crashing the reunion tomorrow night.

I would like to chit chat for a few with Neurotic 1 and Shannon, and Lisa and a few others if I'm not busy.

We may be throwing some paint on the new crib this weekend.

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Here's a memory.

Well a confession of sorts.

You all know I have little shame.

And I like to share my shame with my blogging buddies....

Why?

Because I must may be slightly "touched" in that area of the brain.....

.....I tooted out loud once in third grade.......

well I said it...

Its finally out!

I feel so much better!

See that incident taught me 2 things.

1. Never fart aloud.
2. Never say "aaahhhh" if/when you do so.

I did not know this was an improper action until several, okay ALL the class said

"eeww, gross, NASTY"

after the fact.

Well being raised by a single Father teaches you a lot of things,

One of them is NOT farting etiquette....

I now tell my girls that ladies simply do not do it....

Dad never thought to tell me and my sister that.

It was a natural thing in our household to just "let go" if you had to.

Well HMM learned her lesson in third grade.

There you have it folks another memory from the cellar of my mind.

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GET YOUR FEEDBAG ON!

I simply cannot sign off without mention of food now can I???

Buster made his Signature Veggie and Sausage pasta sauce last night for dinner...

It was once again a huge hit in our house, and in my colon, hence the memory story above.

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Til next time...

Keep your house "stress ball free"

And pinch those cheeks really tight after a very flatulent meal!

Hasta Luego!

Shaky and a taky and a baky baky bakey!

2007-10-08T09:37:00.000-07:00

Oh my word....

I just read FFG's blog and it had nothing to do with this but it brought back a memory, from the weblike depths of this halfmexican broads mind....

Her post said something about Shaky baking all the time....hence the title!

Once upon a time this young halfmexican chick worked in an old farts home. In the kitchen, doing dishes and whatnots...

We would have our occasional visitor, his name was Grady, he was about 172 years old and when he spoke, it was ALWAYS in rhyme.

I mean if the guy wanted coffee he would say

and I quote

"Gimme some coffee and I dont want toffee only want coffee no damn toffee"

see he had to rhyme no matter what he said.

even if it made no sense at all....

I would be gliding gracefully down the halls of the facility with my six foot stainless steel cart that I couldnt see over or around, and would out of nowhere hear Grady.

AND he always shouted his words.

AND usually he would clap in time with his rhyme...

I wonder what ever happend to Grady....Its kind of like where is Waldo....

Only where is Grady?

The beginning of this post is by no means a form of discrimination against old farts. I usually dont refer to them as that but at the time I called the place that because I was young dumb and 18. If you think you yourself are an old fart please seek therapy at your nearest mental department, ASAP. And if you are reading this tiny ass print there is no way in hell that you can be an old fart cause I can hardly see it myself.

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Not too much going on in this neck of the woods these days.

Buster took our oldest child all day Saturday, and they cleaned at the new place, while WeeOne and I did laundry at my Dads.

It will be so nice not to have to cart my dirty undergarments around the county anymore.

I vary my laundry assignments by using the local laundromat, my dads and my in laws place..I favor my dads above all because he has a clothseline that hold about 3 loads a a time. AND its free!

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I dont know if I ever mentioned this before but while im thinking of memories today there is one other that sticks out in my mind.

Not sure If ive ever shared it with you or not so sorry if I have but here goes anyway.

As most of you know FFG are pretty tight, well way back in the day...about 1992 to be precise, Buster and I were dating.

His parents went out of town for the weekend and he threw his usual bash.

WELL....HMM never had much experience in the drinking area at the time, so it goes without saying that what I will reveal here is quite shocking.

To make a long story short, Buster and I were upstairs "fooling around"

And I heard this song come on...I think it was Shoop by Salt n Pepa, I may be wrong but Im pretty sure it was.

Well I heard that song come on downstairs, so excited and not realizing what I was (or was not wearing) bolted full force down the stairs, when I got halfway down I stopped.....

cause you could see the living room from that spot and everyone could see you as well...

Needing to say what I had to I remember clearly I was wearing an oversized Michael Jordan tshirt, I put my hands on my waist and shouted

"I LOVE THIS SONG"

FFG smiled and said

"Uh Jill...you might wanna put your hands down"

See I was wearing NOTHING under that tshirt from the waist down, and when I went to put my hands on my waist to make my statement I lifted up the shirt and gave about a half a dozen people a peek at my...ahem....beaver......

yep....

memories.....

Ive got a ton...I will share time to time

Till next time research the depths of your minds...what is your most embarrassing memory?

Moving On.

2007-10-04T16:30:00.000-07:00

Just some random stuff here...

Dont want to overload you all with too much info as in the last post....

Ah lets see...

I have been cleaning and packing, and packing and cleaning.

Exciting I know, dont want to thrill you all too much.

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My fingers are like moving superfast here I dunno why....

Since Im not smoking its like I cannot sit still....

AT ALL.

My fingers are making up for some missed excercise right now...

They are extra super happy.

The only way to stop from wanting to smoke is

A. Wearing my nicotine patch

B. Not thinking about it.

C. Staying physically busy....

gggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

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Spoke to my doctors receptionist today as I have not heard anything from them about the what have yous of my labwork from the surgery.

She said "Maybe you should come in so doc can explain it to you"

Told nice receptionist that I do not have insurance anymore, then she put me on hold....

Appears that the top part of the cone shaped piece they took out of me still shows low grade abnormal cells....which as Ive been reading left untreated can cause cancer.

Sooooo...

I have to go in for another pap in 6 months.

In the mean time HMM is looking for health insurance.

Just in case.

Just in case I need major surgery.

Just in case I eventually have to get my whole hoo hoo removed.

Just in case this shit dosent go away.

Just in case I slip on one of Wee Ones soap slicks that she likes to create on the kitchen floor in the odd hours in the night when we are all asleep.

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The neighbor lady had a garage sale today.

My eldest went shopping.

With all the pennies she found on the bottom of my purse...

Here is a list of what she purchased:

1. a change purse that reads "Girls Rule"
2. Hippie sunglasses
3. A stuffed hot pink octopus on LSD
4. A pin that reads "Happy Birthday Jesus" (she bought that for me :-)

LIKE I DIDN'T SPEND ALL DAY CLEANING OUT HER CLOSET OF UNECESSARY SHIT SHE DOSENT ALREADY NEED.

But kids being kids I will let her be just that. I told her she got quite the deals...

being as she made 4 trips to my purse and 4 trips to neighborlady.

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Well I cant leave food out of my post.

That would be so unlike me you all may worry if I have mono or somethin like my pal Flip Flop Goddess...

I made red beans and rice for dinner and pork chops on the grill.

Buster and I have yet to eat, Ive been busy with my insane cleaning and packing, and he has been moving odds and ends to the new place with this cronies.

Thats all for now peeps, I apologize if this was too much info.

Take this job and shove it!

2007-10-01T08:33:00.000-07:00

The song has so much more than the meaning of not working at the crappy joint anymore.

It also relays the truth.

Yes HMM quit her job today.

Not that it was much of a job anyway.

I only made 3 dollars an hour for 3 hours a day 4 to 5 days a week....15 hours of HARD work for 45.00 per work....HARDLY worth it in my book...

Not to mention that Saturday I was the "pee-on"

I mean that in a literal sense.

The Manager on duty told me to check the mens room, then she left for the day. So in the crazy hustle there was a 2 minute time frame in which I did not have customers at my counter, I journeyed on over to the little boys room only to find.....

this is so disgusting.

I really debated on whether or not to even write about this...

But this was the last straw.

The Urinal was overflowing with Hot Stenchy bright yellow urine.....

ALL OVER THE FLOOR ABOUT A HALF AN INCH DEEP...

Yuck! Barf! Gag!

I went to a different manager (remember the other one left), and I said these exact words..

"You want me to handle piss and then hand out food?!"

Normally I wouldnt swear while at work,

but desperate times call for desperate measures, she not only wanted me to mop the stuff up, but to PLUNGE the urinal as well....

Well, I dont like to admit it...But some of you may already know...HMM is more of a paper work office type girl...

Me and mops and pee pee dont mix well..

So I called the GM this morning and told her where the bear shit in the woods...

I said I was sorry but things just were not working out, told her about the mens room incident, which she already heard about...she pretty much said "whatever" and hung up...

Enough about that.

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Ladies and Gentleman, children of all ages, elderly and Handicap too....

I give to you,

My beautiful twin neices, and an old broad (HMM me)!!

I went to their volley ball game Thursday night, on the way to Amish Country aka Brown City.

On the way to Amish country I took this picture for your viewing pleasure.

Notice to beautiful fall foliage....

Notice the cows in the background...betchya cant count em and tell me how many are there.

Well wait maybe you can iffen you double click.

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Now for all of you who way that I make you hungry every post

(ahem ahem Neurotic 1)

just so you know that I made Hot Apple Crisp out of my orchard apples the other day and served it over French Vanilla Ice Cream....

IT ROCKED.

thats all I have to say about that

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Oh yeah, so I havent been on here much.

Been busy cleaning the new house and all, working a shitty job, and running a household here.

I know some of you may have panicked or wondered if the Wee One really did follow through and off me...

But nope Im still here.

And still missing 2 Bottles of Windex!! (I think this has Wee One wrote all over it)

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Alright, so im thinking about a new business venture....

Go with me on this...

Ive done it before and actually made 3 to 5 hundred a month with very little effort...

Avon.

Yup, im actually seriously considering starting up again...

It only cost 10 bucks to start up, plus its fun, plus you get everything at cost!!

Weeeee!!

Who's with me?

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Im sitting in the middle of a crisis right now.

Michigans piss poor shoddy ass government is shut down as we speak....what this means is:

One State Trooper per county on patrol.

All Secretarty of State offices CLOSED.

NO lottery sales (dammit I was going to hit the big one tonight, my horoscope said so!)

Oh and a bunch of other crap that im too lazy to write about, if you wanna know more Google it under

jennygranholmsucksass@impeachherdumbass.gov

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I decided to quit smoking.

Im wearing a nicotine patch right now.

Woot!

Show me some love here, this is going to be rough for a few days...

But I dont want my girls to smoke, so Im trying to set an example....PLUS

cervical diseases are brought on by smoking, plus it makes you stink, and stains your teeth etc etc.....

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I feel the need to get a few strange things that happened off my mind before I close.

Wee One climbed in bed with us yesterday about 7ish, I was laying there smelling her three year old morning breath on my face, but thinking of how much my damn back hurt,

I mean it hurt like a mutha!

Without saying anything, all of a sudden I feel little hands on my back rubbing me!

Its like she read my mind THEN

I was dozing back off to see the sandman, but envisioning my eyes closed, and Wee One says out loud.."Mumma you got pweddy (pretty) eyes."

OMG another coincidence???

This is starting to get freaky...

THEN, on the way to church I was telling Buster we would have to make up our offerings and mission money as I had forgot the checkbook...ok.

While sitting in the pew at church Buster reaches in his dress pants and pulls out a crumpled amount of cash...EXACTLY the amount we give the church each week...

So you know I had to give the cash to the Lord...he was telling us to.

Thing is I washed those pants AND hung them on the clothseline at my Dads, one would think amid all the traveling those pants did the cash would have some how fell out at one point or time...

Oh the strangeness of things...

I gotta go now and get some shit cleaned up around here, do dishes vacuum and put laundry away before Gramps and Grannie bring Wee One home....

Til next time...

take in all the Fall foliage you can

encourage your friends and family to quit smoking!

Keep it real. Keep it clean.

Sending out an SOS

2007-09-26T04:25:00.000-07:00

I'm sending out an SOS..

I think the Wee One is secretly plotting against me, or the nation, or maybe Noggin...shit maybe all three!

She wants to off me, or have me committed to the local Insane Asylum.

I am 99 percent certain.

Looks innocent enough dont you think?

One would have a look at the the pictures and assume that she is a bubbling, little girl.

You know made of sugar and spice and everything nice?

Not until you went through what I did yesterday.

Ladies and Gent of the jury, I submit to you Exhibit A:

First off...a friend stopped by to visit...Wee One was no where to be seen/heard, so I checked on her....

Found her in the john brushing her teeth....

Great! A 3 year old that brushes her teeth without being told, How Wonderful you say???

That is until I find the sink BONE DRY and the toilet seat SOAKING WET!!!

YUCK KEE!!

yeah.

you be the judge on that one.

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Ladies and Gent of the Jury (I'm assuming Ben may read this) I submit to you

Exhibit B:

Now this may have been her hidden attempt at calling the Squad, I'm not sure...

But as I was relaxing on the commode, the one place I can attempt to find some type of peace and solace, I whipped out my latest Luanne Rice novel and began to read....

when I heard a voice

right outside my locked door say

"Wus your nayme?" (she drags the word name)

to which I replied "Mumma"

then I asked her to go talk to daddy cause mumma was busy...

I was in there 3 minutes....tops....I swear on my lucky panties....

thunder and lightning were crashing all around outside, and made for a grand vacancy of the commodial area....

I picked up my cutie pie, and kissed her...

this is WAY after the tooth brushing incident.

After I quickly realized my lips were GREASY...greasy with what you ask??

So did I to which I got the response..."Don't be mad mumma...its only budder"

I ran to the kitchen, and yup, AS she was on the phone calling in the squad, she had a stick of butter rubbed all over the counter, not to mention all over her cheeks and lips!

AAARRRGGG!!!

Oh yeah and my cell phone was still on the line....I could hear a faint voice saying "Hello. Hellloooo!" over and over

She didn't call in the Squad that time, but instead dialed up the Girl Scout Troop Leader.

So when I thought she was talking to me through the bathroom door, she was chatting it up with the local Girl scout Lady..brown nosing for the future possibly...but that's here say

Ladies and Gent I submit

Exhibit C:

Now with the given information, I have reason to think that maybe this is one genius 3 year old were dealing with here.

Either that or a woman on a mission to build a b**b in the middle of the night and plot a wee-terrorist attack.

Buster was sleeping, it was maybe 3 am or so.

Remember my kids are sharing a bed right now as some asswipe of a dog chewed the living hell out of her mattress a few posts back.

I blame my daughters wee terrorism on the fact that she has to share a bed with her sister whom is 4 and a half years older...and every time sister thrashes it makes wee one want to wake up and do chores,

or build a bomb, I dunno

Buster heard a noise, so being the man that he is woke up to check on it, its his natural protection instinct kicking in there....

but what he found was

1. An open front door leading to the driveway/street.

2. Random chemicals ie: bleach, laundry soap, dish soap scattered amongst the household.

3. A fully awake 3 year old.

4. I found the hot water tap running in the bathroom when I awoke at 7 this morning...yeah it was going all night...

Now it has been stated by my eldest that Wee One made mention of letting the puppy out in the middle of the night....she said she was half asleep and thought sissy was just talking in her sleep....

Therefore Ladies and Gent of the jury, I give you HMM's synopsis the random occurrences..

I believe that:

a. Big trouble can come in small packages.

b. Wee One may have been fighting or attempting to fight the war on terror in her own little way, but at least SHE TOOK THE DOG OUTSIDE BY HERSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IN THE CITY before she did so. She may have been doing this my the making of homemade Soap Slicks, or Bleach b***bs....you
be the judge.

c. HMM is trying to omit using the b**b word and terrorist/terrorism in the same post as not to draw Government attention OR have a voice chip or GPS bug implanted in my car on my next family outing to Wally World...Now go back to playing with your Lincoln Logs ya big jerk!

d. I ask you does this look like the face of a Hardened future Criminal...or just a kid high on caffeine and sugar...You be the judge.

Each and every member of the jury is allowed to state their opinion...

Do Not let the top photo influence you in any way, as looks can be deceiving.

What type of punishment should be deployed amongst the Wee One??

Do you believe that this sort of behavior Ladies and Gent can indicate what type of Adult Wee One will be in her future?

Should Wee One attend public or private school Next year?

Is she Gifted, Or just on her way to becoming the first female semi-terrorist?

Is there any difference between the two?

Should I STOP letting her eat dirt and grass???

The information is out.

It is up to YOU.

The future of Wee One lies in your hands Ladies and Gent....I don't know how much longer I can take this before I am actually being visited by all of you while in a Mental Ward.

Now im going to go put a bra on, get another cup of coffee, and catch up on some of the other blogs as I return to work today FINALLY!

Oh and before I go I would like to take this opportunity to Thank Cheeky aka Snow Trapped Southern Girl, for the get well wishes she sent to me yesterday, Cheeky you are stellar...YOU Rock!!

Peace Out!

We dont get out much

2007-09-24T04:49:00.000-07:00

Alright, I'm done with my nonsense posts, most of the alcohol/drug induced posts of the past week are out of my system....

Hopefully for good.

It was fun while it lasted.

So now I will invite you to view my latest Photo Jiz....

Caution: WE DON'T GET OUT MUCH

I mean it.

Saturday was a fun filled family day with the Joneses....

We started the exhilarating day by going to the apple orchard, and picking a bushel of Jonathan and McIntosh....

HMM ate 2 while picking and had to make a B-line to the john....

Freshly picked, pesticide apples have that effect on my belly....OUCH!!!
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Then it was off to Port Huron for some Dinner at the "AL-Live Garden", which is how my 3 year old pronounces Olive Garden...

For some reason its her favorite place to eat....

Even though she ALWAYS orders fries and chocolate milk, which you can get anywhere, but for some reason she fancies fries and milk at an Italian joint.....

they act so much like their daddy...

We went to Chuck E. Cheese, and Halloween USA as well...

Then off to do some shopping at the mall...

We thought we'd pick up a cocktail and let the kiddies get dessert at Garfields in the mall..

They chose Triple Fudge 7 layer chocolate cake.....the waitress split one piece in half and put it on two plates....oh yeah she said there was also and extra broken (size of a football) chunk they couldn't sell so she split it up between my kids.....

Thanks.

Did she think that was cute?? I was already playing the role of Mommy of the Year by letting my kids go nuts on a 2000 calorie confection as it was....

and she thinks I need her help????

So here's proof that we don't get out much.

Yes, we did this in public....

We could not help ourselves, honestly we are in serious need of some good dental coverage!

Keep Going, here is Buster..

Here's the wee one!

Here is the culprit. Looks like a pile of you know what if ya ask me!

This has nothing to do with the whole she-bang, not trying to throw you off or anything but this is by far the worlds smallest car.

Compare it to the mid size Bonneville to the right...I swear it was MAYBE 5 foot long...I dont think this would make a good Grocery Getter.

Unless of course it was equipped with stow and go.

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Shit I just realized that I forgot to post a pic of myself with rotten fudgy teeth....

I will leave you with that image for a different post.

It really was a quite striking photo.

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To the left is one of the most intriguing Halloween decorations Ive seen in years.

This is the Holy Grail of grills, It makes sizzling noises, and smokes, and can handle a dozen feet or hands at the same time.....

Halloween USA rocks!

To the right please notice my award winning apple photo.

Well maybe not award worthy to you but it is to me......

Got me to thinking when we were picking.....Poor Eve in the Garden of Eden...

What girl wouldn't be tempted to pick that??

Although there are some that disagree the fruit that was picked was possibly a pomegranate, or some other type.....

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Well I'm off to grab another cup of Joe....stay tuned

We will be moving by the end of Oct, I will keep you updated, Oh and of course before and after pics of my new humble abode!

Word to the wise.

2007-09-21T13:09:00.000-07:00

Never post while under the influence...or you say really dumb shit.

Thats the truth.

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Well I ran my ass of today, doctors appt for BP didnt go so good...they had to give me some med that started with a Q to get it to drop...

It was like 148 over 106...

Then it dropped down to 138 over 98 with the help of the meds...

Looks likey I will be on meds for this I told the doc I dont have insurance after Tuesday,
he said that he could seriously supply me with all the BP meds I need for life...

Im thinking samples.

Samples rock!!
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Cant think of anything else for now so till next time take it easy, and dont be sleazy ;-)

While on the mend.

2007-09-20T10:15:00.001-07:00

Well Im happy to report that I had the packing removed today and there was hardly anything on it...

cauterization clearly went well....

Im a tad tired and a bit crampy today but NOTHING like yesterday...

While on the mend Buster made burgers on the grill for dinner, and His parents didnt bring the kids home til almost 9 last night....ahhhh!

Buster rented the DaVinci Code and Disturbia last night....

both very good flicks....

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Had to put the girls in bed together last night because a pup who shall remain nameless.

Because hearing let alone spelling his name right now will piss be off and probably cause me to hemmorage...

Guess what he did???

Well a couple of days ago Our Friend Tom brought his pup over , who happens to be our pups sister from the same litter, AND partner in crime...

CHEWED THE HELL OUT OF MY YOUNGEST KIDS MATTRESS!!!

Im not kiddin.

They were alone and quiet for way to long so I peeked into the wee ones room and there they were!

Both caught red paw-ded....eating the stuffing out of the center of her mattress which happened to have a whole the size of a small grand canyon!!

There are bare springs sticking out of that baby now....

So we have to get her a new bed because im NOT purchasing another toddler mattress as she will need a twin within the next year anyway.....

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We have made an arrangement to rent a house about 5 miles from here in the country.

3 bedrooms 2 baths and way bigger than what we have now...

From my previous experiences I will not get excited over this one until the papers are signed..

However the house needs at least 24 hours worth of cleaning (as bad as the last one) this guy already said he will pay for paint throughout the house and labor to clean....Amen.

Keep your fingers crossed.

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I have an 11 appointment tomorrow to have my BP diagnosed, then 3 an ultrasound on my ovaries as I have been having some peculiar pain there....they are checking for cysts and such, my doc seems to think that it its just ovulation...

but im pretty sure I dont freaking ovulate every DAY!!

All this in a rush because my insurance is up the the 25th, and I pray God that my labs come back before then too!!!

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In the mean time I am just trying to stay calm and live regularly and not let this mess of a house bother me too much...

I overworked myself after our first kid was born and ended up back in bed with terrible pains and you know what...

So till next time....enjoy an enchilada or 2 for me...Im going to try to eat more healthy and start excersising again, and hopefully stick with it...!!

Surgical Happenings.

2007-09-19T11:39:00.000-07:00

Well as you can see I made it home.

The surgery went quite well, Im just a little sore and tired.

A knock at the door woke me...I was Fed Ex with a letter for Buster.

I was greeted at the hospital by my Pastor. My stepmom drove me up there this morning.
She and Pastor stayed until I was out of recovery.

I got up this morning and did the first thing a girl does.....

I peed.

THEN I noticed the little plastic orange lidded cup sitting on my countertop in the bathroom!

WOOPS!

HMM forgot her urine sample....

luckily Nurse Blonde Lady didnt seem too upset about it, as I was able to produce a small piddle enough for the pregnancy test that they required!!!

Guess What?

Im NOT pregnant.

Most of us know that Buster had his "fishie straw" taken care of after the birth of our second child.

THEN my BP was 161 over 116....

3 consecutive times!! A small cause for concern so they injected a sedative into the IV...

I think I got high....

Felt pretty damn good though.

Then they wheeled me off to OR, a while later, where my BP was still quite high.

So they injected a BP med into the IV, waited a few min then added the anestheitc concoction.

I remember one of the nurses dancing around the room to the sound of my heartbeat on the monitor. She was doing some type of Indian jig.

Seriously. I dont think she knows I was still concience.

Next thing I know im in the Recovery Room with a sore ass throat, and a growling tummy and some slight crampage.....

They injected some pain meds in the IV, and I was good to go home a half an hour later.

Buster brought me Chinese for lunch Bless his heart then he went back to work.

My Stepmom asked if she wanted me to stay but I told her I was fine and that Im just going to keep the couch company for the rest of the day, oh yeah and the TV.

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Had a strange dream as before I was abruptly interrupted by the FED EX guy.

To make it short It had to do with a small airplane landing in a field where a friend of mine and I was picking flowers.

The plane was loaded with all sorts of sexy guys heading for some flight training somewhere. They offered us a ride and before I could answer

yep it was interupted by the knock at the door.

I think all the chemicals fed to me today had something to do with that dream.....

Or maybe its the pound of gauze in my hoo hoo...you be the judge...

I get to venture up to Dr. B's office for removal of the junk in the am!!!

Hope all is well with everyone, just wanted to let you know im still alive!

Thanks to EVERYONE for all their Prayers, thoughts, concerns and wishes!!

I will try to visit your blogs when im not so tired!

Take Care!

HMM is gonna take advantage of the kids not being here and grab another nappy nap!!

Surgery in the morning...

2007-09-18T11:03:00.000-07:00

Well the day is tomorrow..

I have to have my Half Mexican ass up to McKenzie memorial at 7 am sharp!!!

My rear end sould be squeaky clean due to the self inflicted enema I will perform tonight.

I asked Buster if he would assist me in the task, He laughed and said NO...

He wouldnt think it was so funny if it was his rear....this is serious shit (no pun intended)...

Then my hoo hoo part shall encounter 2 baths of iodine one tonight, and one first thing in the morning.

I have no idea why I have to do all this myself...see when I gave birth they just threw it all in like a package deal....

makes a person wonder.

Now that youve read all the grody details I apologize and should have warned you in advance of my motives ;-)

Im hoping that this surgery works, as I have been having some peculiar pain.

AND I hope and PRAY that the labs come back as something that can be taken care of...before the 25th...thats when my insurance ends :-( Doc said they will put in a rush order on the labby labs....I hope he does....

I will try to post tomorrow to let you all know how it went...But warning!!!

Dont hold anything against me as I will be under the influence of intrvaneous anesthetic, and probably some other kind of oral drug....

And my hoo hoo will be packed with several rolls of gauze.

Lord, I HOPE THIS WORKS!!!

If your not familiar and really want to know what theyre going to do...google LEEP

Enough of that now.

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My 3 year old thinks she is a "chicken whisperer"...we took her to a friends last night that has horses and chickens and a duck.

Well she wanted the chickens to come out of the coop and into their fenced in little play yard.

So she sat

By the coop, calling them every sweet little word her 3 year old brain could muster!!

It was precious, and of course I didnt have my cam cam...

AGAIN!

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Okay ladies and gent....

Im going to go research my surgery now.

If you come up with or know of anything I should know about it, Please do tell....

Hasta Manana!

Near Death Experience

2007-09-17T21:04:00.000-07:00

For those readers, which are most of you....

I have a tale...'

A tale of a little man named Buster whom almost died on our 11th anniversary...

See, I wasnt going to tell it until he was comfortable with it...

And after tellling several o friends, im assuming now he is.....

As the Big Guy reads this from time to time....

I forgot to tell that we almost lost Buster on our Anniversary night.

Not shitting you;;;;at all!

I was doing dishes at my Dad and stepmoms place after our Anniversary dinner....

allbymyself

and I heard

"whout whut whut whut goooooo!"

coming from beyond my dads back steps.

I looked out and Buster was all bent over in a half fetal position, smiling but coughing.

Too many Marlboros??

Too much gravy???

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Buster was choking.

\
For real.

He took a hit of stepmommmas turkey (he swears its always dry) and was actually

CHOKING TO DEATH

I went out and began the only thing that HMM knew how to do...

I started windmill punching him in the back!!!

And yelled "dad dad busters choking please help for real"

Then good ole Jim came out Philly cigar and all dangling outta his mouth and said

"hicklick hicklick, hicklick manuever...havent done this in years so stand back!!"
with his little manstance and his houserobe on with the cigar ash 2miles long....he was gonna save Buster!

I kept swatting him in the back with allthe strenght I could muster. and by the time dad got there.

Buster was fine.

I saved his life by beating the piss out of him.

He knows it.

Dad knows it....

So now im wondering.....WTH did I do???

Do Ihave an obsession with dirty socks, Ice cream bowls and a snoring zombie at nite???

Your damn straigt I do, I love that man.

No matter how much poultry he chokes on, how many socks he leaves me or the turmoulous snoring...I took a vow with that man 11 years ago

Little did i know what i got myslelf into, but I did before God and everyone!!! HAllejulia!!!

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On a different note

My friends female dog continues to hump my male puppy...

Is she lesbian?

Is she "bi"

Is she just a dumb freaking bitch (i mean that in the female dog way)

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Manager was yelling at Asst Manager today

thought she was kidding

then i realized she werent..

BEEYOTCH! u better not yelll at HMM the same way cuz I wont take that shit from no one especially for a min wage job

the first timeshe does will be the last...i swear

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went to visit Baby Devins grave Saturday

me myself a beer and his aunt my goo d friend , we cried

theres not even a headstone yet

i reassured her that honey is in Heaven being well taken care of, and so happy

it just hurts to stand over his earthly remains

my religion does not believe in that

his little soul has gone off to heaven

and it was out of respect that we stood there that day in his memory

Love you Devin, see you again another day sweetpea

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tomorrow I have very exciting things to post about my surgery prep

dont want to get yall to excited

you gotta wait

it has to do with an enema and iodine wash...I know your jealous!!

He ate me!

2007-09-15T13:14:00.000-07:00

Heres the 411 on the Anniversary....

it was so-so.

AND get your damn mind outta the gutter about my title. Got your attention didnt it...??

You wants for me to tell ya dontchya?

A nice dinner was had by all. We got gifts from our parents and a card with cash in it from a family friend.

After our feast we were presented with

dadadada!!! No sorry I have no pic...HMM forgot her cam cam....tsk tsk..

A nice cake that read like dis:

Happy Anniversary Dan and Jill, September 14th 1996...my dad thought the cake was expired I had to explain that part to him....

ANYWAY

I sliced it up and just happened to give Buster a perfect piece (hee hee) that had nothing on it but my name....I handed it to him (no one heard this) and told him to "eat me" ....and of course he did....twas yummy too.

He bought me a box of wine as my anniversary gift.

Its kind of a joke between us...to make the story short on one of our first aniversaires we were very broke, as most newlyweds, and couples of 11 years are. And brought home a box of wine after work. You know one with the tap on the bottom of the box....

Yep nuttin but the best for HMM!!!

So you see every year he "surprises" me with a nice fancy box o wine.

We usually drink it out of our original chapagne glasses that we drank from on our wedding day, but the Butler hasnt unpacked that box yet.....

Or wait...maybe the maid forgot to.

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Upon sitting in the parking lot of Walmart, waiting for Buster to retrieve my surprise box o wine...the eldest blurted this out:

"North Whore"

to which I replied a ghastly

"WHAT!!!"

She said "Right there on that truck....North Whore"

I craned my hafmexican neck to get a glimpse...afraid of what I might see....

Thinking I was gonna spot a naked chick sporting a Santa hat or sumptin.....

The writing on this van (damn I wish I didnt forget the cam cam last night) was written"

"North hore Landscaping Inc."

The "s" was missing....

Thats my girl..she never misses a beat....

A real chip off the ole HMM block.

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A special thanks to Just A Mom (see far right for the link, im lazy like that, and stupid) for the award she threw out to me the other day...

I feel like a real Boob cause the first time I read her post I totally missed it....

It was the night the Friend and I drank lots o beer....(see one of the recent posts below)

My drunken eyes musta missed it.

But at least I caught it the next day *pats on the back*

Jaye your'e one of the sweetest blogging buddies I have on here. You are one of the most caring people, your thoughts, prayers and concern for me are...priceless!!!

If you havent checked her sight out already, Do it! Cause I said and iffen ya dont im gonna hunt you down and shove a burrito in your butt!!

Just kidding. But wouldnt that be interesting though....Id definitely remember the cam cam for that one!!

Take care Amigos!!

Have a Great Weekend!

FINALLY its Freaking Friday!

2007-09-14T11:22:00.000-07:00

A few things for ya this lovely Friday afternoon.

First of all its really not that loveley, its raining and 59 out, im dead tired, got sent home early from work cause it was slow, and dammit my cervix hurts!!!

Now that im done griping like a stupid Boob...

here we go

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Today marks my Eleventh wedding Anniversary.

Dear Buster....

I love you with all my heart and soul. I love the children you squirted into me, and even the way you snore. I especially like and find entertaining the conversations you hold with yourself in your sleep.
You were a very brave boy thirteen years ago when you decided to ask me to marry you. Little did you know what you were getting yourself in to. A new crazy sometimes crude father in law, a bitchy step mother in law who is a hypocondriac, a moronic felon brother in law who wanders aimlessly around Texas "livin on the fat of the land".
Plus a new bride that can change moods in zero to sixty.
I dont even mind picking up the endless popcans, socks, ice cream bar wrappers, dirty clothes, and used kleenex that you a re constantly leaving by the bed. Not to mention the shit you leave infront of the couch, but thats a whole nother blog so I wont even go there.
Thanks for putting up with my ass since 1991, holding my hand through 2 births, and one miscarriage. Weve had our good times and our bad.
And weve made it this far. It has been challenging to say the least, and I hope we have eternity together, because Im a crazy bitch like that. I love you.

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Now that the mushy shit is out of the way...lets see if Buster even remembers today. I will let you know tomorrow.

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My three year old came running into the house last night as I was making a salad and through tears said to me

"Daddy told me to get my little ASS in the house"

It was so cute, funny and pathetic at the same time...!!

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My dog got into the bathroom garbage yesterday morning....

yep, nothing says good morning like used pantiliners and toilet paper rolls chewed up and strewn about throuout the house at 9 am....twas lovely.

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Me and my friend Brandi stayed up real late last night after the kids went to bed and drank LOTS O BEER :-)

We dont get to do that very often....

oh yeah and we listened to Reo Speedwagon over and over cause were nerds like that...

THE SAME SONG OVER AND OVER AND OVER!

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Well Im gonna go get out of this uniform, put on something comfy and snooze next to the little one til the oldest gets off the bus. I gotta take a painkiller or sumptin first as im having a major pain in the cervical region.

Then its off to Jim and Sues for our "Anniversary Dinner" I bought all the stuff and my stepmom is making me turkey, baked sweet potatoes, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, corn on the cob, rolls and cranberry sauce...cause well thats what I wanted!!

Stay tuned to see if Buster remembers what the hell he is even at the inlaws for tonight...this should be interesting!!!

HMM OUT!

Shit on a Shingle

2007-09-13T13:30:00.000-07:00

I just like the sound of that title...

Actually its a pretty damn good supper....

My stepmom takes ground beef and browns it with onion, then makes a milk gravy within it with salt and pepper, and serves it over mashed potatoes...yum...

comfort food.

How do you make shit on a shingle?? or do u call it something else??

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I answered the phone at my job yesterday, it was the cordless laying right next to my register and no one would answer it...

Little did I know that this was a priveledge "only for managers"...

The asst. mgr on duty informed me of this in a snoblike way to shich I replied, and im NOT kidding...

"If you dont want anyone else answering it then dont leave it lying around"

of course I said it with a smile on my face and a hint of sarcasm...I will call this manager Tinyeyes as she has tiny eyes, and is one of the 4 women managers I have.

And she is known to be the "bitch" but I try not to let her bother me.

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Buster was talking in his sleep the other night and said aloud...

"There you go snow shoes and all"

I laughed and tapped him on the shoulder as I was wide awake, and asked him what he was dreaming of...and he said (still in dreamstate)

"Snowshoes snowshoes, you all have them"

so I asked AGAIN...

he started giggling REALLY hard and was still sleeping and talking at the same time...

he said "you women dont care if the snows up to your ass you'll still run snowshoes and all to get to where your going."

I then just realized there was no way I could get him up to talk about his dream, and I guess his explanation was good enough!!

Surgery on Wednesday

2007-09-10T13:25:00.000-07:00

Well I went back to the doc today for my follow up on the biopsy...

Not what I was hoping to hear.

I have to have the lower half of my cervix removed the "abnormalties", and they are also going to perform a uterine biopsy at that time...just to check on that part also. Which scares me but I guess they are doing it as a precaution....yep just like the colspocopy was a Precaution...

Ive been reading up on this procedure, and accroding to the doctor it is 90 to 95 percent effective....so im hoping and praying that it will be.

I only have insurance til the end of the month, so hopefully this will take care of my problem..

My SIL has a really good friend that had this done and it took care of her....

At some point and time in the past I had an infection that was more than likely not treated as it had no symptoms, welll theyre thinking this caused the abnormal cells...

Hopefully after next Wednesday I will be harvesting a cervix full of healthy cells!

The only part I dont like is going under anesthesia...but it is just a minor surgery and after an hour of recovery I can go home...cant go back to work for 3 days, no heavy lifting and no whoopie for a month...not sure Big Buster will like that too well but theres not much I can do about it...
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Work went well today....I only fu***ed up a handful of times so that has decreased my "funny mishaps"...

Other than that things have bee uneventful around here...

Buster is laid off for the week, so he is out and about....working on his aunts furnace and visiting his grandparents I think.

Just thought I would keep you all posted on my crotchal issues.....

Im gonna take a siesta now!!

Light Tomato

2007-09-09T18:10:00.000-07:00

Well Tuesday I started my new job at Burger King....

I NEVER knew that there is so much to learn.

I have always worked in offices, well I waited tables in high school, but thats a whole other ball of wax.

I feel bad cause I used to stereotype people that worked in places like that, like that only high school dropouts and dopes worked in fast food joints.

But foolish pride being what it is, made me realize that at job is a job. ANY job.

Take for instance Buster...he is a lisenced plumber aka...."Turd Chaser" "Toilet Whiz" you know...but actually his job is very important. AND he rarely ever deals with chasing turds as that nifty position is usually held for apprentices.

I dont really want a 9 to 5 job, and this works out well as it is 12 to 15 hours a week, and I strictly put on my application NO nights and weekends. Although I did help out this weekend cause they had someone quit on them.

I felt like a total horses ass today because I tried to make a shake for the first time and being the dope I am whirled ice cream all over me the machine and my co-worker....she thought it was funny.

And I know I am pissing the people off in the kitchen because I am constantly ringing up stuff on the register then deleting it...they probably party hardy when I leave!!!

Today I rung up a burger and put "Light tomato" on the screen....the guy cooking got a good laugh. He didnt know whether to de-seed the tomato or slice it in half....I MEANT to put "light mayo" and the buttons being as close as they are well...you know.

Im glad I can make them all laugh at me but at the same time I feel like a real Butthead!!

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I came home from work today and my 3 year old was running around in a wet tshirt and NOTHING else!!!

Buster was lounging and eating Doritos and drinking root beer and pretty much let the kids runamuck the whole time I was gone...

I asked him why his daughter was half naked like an indian running around and he wasnt doing anything about it...

I guess she tried giving the puppy a bath, and the whole bathroom and herself at the same time...im just hoping this little event didnt take place in the toilet, as that is the only source of water she can reach.

I asked the oldest if Daddy had fed them while I was gone and she replied "Sure we had Doritos and pop".....men...you cant live with em and ya cant kill em!!

So I gave Little Bean a bath, and made them some pot pies, cause you know thats HMM's house specialty.
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Til next time....keep your tomatoes heavy, and pray that your kid dosent bathe your dog in the toilet!!

Hasta Luego!!!

Take Nothing for Granted

2007-09-07T16:16:00.000-07:00

I know its a cheezy title...but after what I went through I REALLY mean it.

Seeing and holding a little bruised up deceased infant and holding his sweet hand for the last time will do that to a person.....

So me's got to thinkin on the way over to my inlaws how much I take for granted.

Its a really sobering way to make you realize the depth of the whole meaning of life.

I have a BEAUTIFUL, healthy, and alive little family and I tell you what I THANK GOD!

Im going to try not to bitch about the small stuff anymore.....

I also have friends like this:

who will model an ensemble of balloon wear to make me smile....I thank God for that too.

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I also have this:

That is my two little girls playing the "Tase Test" game with 2 different brands of microwave popcorn....

Cause theyre kids and they do shit like that!

Stay tuned...I may post pics of them "Doing Laundry" outside and hanging it on the little makeshift clothseline that their Momma made for them

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I was wondering what it is that you all take for granted?

Cmon nobodys perfect, im just curious....

Plus it will help to not feel like such a Boob...

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On behalf of his family I would like to say Thank You to all who thought of, and prayed for little Devin yesterday.

Til next time
Dont take ANYTHING for granted...

Now im about to go show my indoor plumbing some love...
see told ya im not taking anything for granted!!!

I wear the pants!

2007-09-05T10:37:00.000-07:00

Well I wear the ones on the right anyway....

I told the people my size, I ordered them a size bigger just in case, cause the lady said they "ran small"

So as you can see....they are clearly jynormous!!!

I can fit both of my children in there and still have room for the dog, and maybe a turkey and some potatoes.....

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On a totally different note....

A WAY more somber note.....

My good friend is here and yesterday she found out that her one year old nephew was killed by an "accidental strangulation by and electrical cord"....

I put it in parethesis because there is still an investigation as some stories are not matching up.

The baby boy was found by his 3 year old sister Labor Day night...with a cord wrapped around his neck...

Grandma and her boyfriend were watching the baby and grandma went to take a shower and told bfriend baby was sleeping....long story and very sad....

I will be attending an infants funeral for the first time tomorrow and im not looking forward to it.

So if Im not around for a few days, you can understand....

Rest in peace little Devin, you are in Jesus' arms now.

Everyone loves you and always will, we will see you again at the pearly gates little one....

Long Weekend!

2007-09-04T04:50:00.000-07:00

Last things first of course...you know me, I am a very backassward type of woman..

FYI, my date is wrong on all my photos.

They are tagged with yesterdays date.

Im to lazy/havent gotten around to changing that.

The is my First offspring, at about 7 am today she was ready for her first day of Third grade.

She wanted to walk to school this year.

I said "Hell No"........

we compromised with letting her walk to the bus stop which is around the block...you see school is 8 blocks away.

Way too far in my opinion for a 7 year old to try to walk. Dont even get me started on all the distractions that could cause a child like mine to be late.....

And all the crazies out there who could do who knows what to her and then I would be in prison for hunting them down, and tearing their organs from the inside out through every orifice slowly and painfully.

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Twas a relaxing weekend for the Joneses...

Friday night we drove over to the lakeshore where some friends of ours were camping. That was fun. Walking a mile to the john every time one of my kids had to go, which is every 10 seconds, however was not so fun....

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Lets see here....

oh yeah, Saturday we went to my Dads for dinner. He grilled as usual he is a genius on the BBQ...her is Grandpa (my dad) and my girls. Which as you can probably tell are his only Grandchildren....he spoils them just a little...

My oldest is making a peace sign there....and the little one is holding a balloon.

bought them one of those balloon sets with the pump and a gadgillion long balloons to make poodles and flowers etc....

the children didnt make any animals of flowers but did make some unusual looking specimen....

among my favorite are the "multiple twisted weiners" yes...my children are creative.

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And sometimes plainly retarded...as noted below ;-)

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Well I tried on my "work pants" before I tried to hem them.

1. The waist came up to my nipples.

2. The bottom went past my feet, and hit the doorframe three feet away from me.

3. The damn thing had pleats in the fronts.

So lets just say I never did hem them and I will wear my own black pants to work.....

All things New

2007-09-02T10:28:00.000-07:00

All things New....

For instance a New digg on the forehead for not opening your 3 year old sister a can of Mountain Dew at 8:30 in the morning as Mommy blatently sleeps in...

Dont mess with the little womans caffeine addiction, or you'll grotesquely pay the consequences. And she is not joking....

Mind you the photo was taken 2 days after the incident.

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New month.....

Yay September! I love the smells of Fall. The brisk but not too cold weather.

Wearing hoodies and jeans again, trips to the pumpkin patch, apple orchard, and hayrides, haunted houses, evening bonfires.

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New Job...

I will begin my new part time job as a "Jill of all Trades" Tuesday....

I will be getting paid for 20 to 25 hours a week for NOT going insane...how cool is that??

Plus it gets me out of the house, and gives the Little one a chance at a daycare to learn some social skills.....

As noted from the photo above, I think she needs work in that department.

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New house????

New house you say???

Well.

Im not going to get "so excite" just yet.

Can you say "Remember what happened last time"

So....were going to look at a house Tuesday evening....Im not getting my hopes up til I see the place AND Papers are SIGNED!!!!!

We all know why and I wont even go there.

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Well im off to hem my six foot tall pants for work on tuesday...I only need to chop about 8 inches off them then tuck the hem under and hand sew the hem back together....

no.

im not joking.

And im not THAT handy with a needle and thread, but it has to be done .....

So till next time!

Cuidado de la toma!

Happy Trails

2007-08-29T06:17:00.000-07:00

My friend and I took the children on a little field trip to the park last night.

Upon arriving at the park, Halfmexican Mama was stricken with severe gastrointestinal pain.

So.

You probably already guessed it....

I had to to....

#3.....

yep....

IN THE PORTA POTTY!!!

It has always a nightmare of mine...I detest those things....

I dont have to go into detail to tell you why.

But the pain was so severe, I had sprint my way to that makeshift craphouse......

And......OMG!

IT was just cleaned......NEVER USED!!!!!

I was sooooo excited I nearly lost my stool right then and there......Oh and I just happened to have a copy of a book I was reading which came in really handy during my "stay".

Im sure I looked really fine to those studly basketball players who saw me emerge from the craphouse with a book in hand......sheesh....who do I have to impress anyway???

Poor Little Bean about had her own accident....disappeared for a minute so I hollered out for her...we were the only ones on the play side of the park, so I was sure she didnt go far...

then I heard "MAMA"....coming from behind a tree....then....I heard.....two words that I REALLY didnt want to hear...

"I PEE"

"Yes I know your behind the tree baby come on out".......

and she did...

I so wish I had the cam last night...she came out from behind the tree...in broad daylight, in the middle of a public park naked from the waist down....

YEP....she's definitely her mothers child.

So we had to throw her panties away in the trash can right next to the "pee tree" cause they were soaked and there was no way I was carrying them home...her shorts were still dry though....for some reason she still hasnt grasped the concept that the world is not your toilet...

Neither has her mother!
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Does anyone know what happened to the Ellen Degeneres show??? That was like my favorite show.....

Everyday I watched or recorded it....I could ALWAYS count on her to make me chuckle....I have Dish network so keep that in mind....

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My puppy is trying to chew his way out of a metal cage right now....

Funny thing is I actually think he is making progress...

God Speed Little Dog..Godspeed!!

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Im going to wrap this up for today cause im a hungry hoe...and I want coffee too..and I have a lot on my plate for today...

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Next time you eat a taco....THINK OF ME!!!

Peace Out

Veggie Tales...in a twisted sort of way.

2007-08-28T09:53:00.000-07:00

Who knew that you could freeze tomatoes???

Betchya didnt!

I didnt.

Til my Dad told me....

See right now...as most of you know there is an over abundancy of these darn things around here...

EVERYONE and I do mean everyone has been shoving them off on us....

We eat em on BLT's, use em in sauces, use em in goulash......

I feel like that fella on Forrest Gump...you know the one who names off all the various ways to cook shrimp...well you have to see the movie to know what Im talking about...

Here are my kids harvesting tomatoes in the dark.....

Its a Michigan tradition you know.....

The parents go in the house and get hammered and send the kids out, armed with little flashlights to harvest tomatoes at night....

JOKING, if you believed me you're either gernerously retarded or smoking crack :-)

Lets see...what else....

OH I know....

remember how I was telling you all of my husbands god given talent of bringing me the best gifts a girl could ever ask for????

You know. Dead ladys shirt etcetera etcetera....

Well I made mention of a "penile" shaped vegetable....

Im not joking...I took a pic of it last night finally....

with my good friend who shall remain nameless due to sheer embarrassment, posing with the same vegetabe......

have a looksee...

And I thought I had hoo hoo problems!!

Sheesh!

Im thinking of taking some photography courses after taking this shot....see the Lighting could have been better....AND she should have held the....ahem member a bit lower...but the above will suffice...

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I was sore after my doctor took the piece of you know what out of my you know what yesterday....

then they had the nerve to show me the piece of "you know what" in a little jar of liquid...

ugh!!

Now all there is to do is wait...and hope and pray that the test resulsts prove normal....

Did you know it takes 7 to 10 days to test a piece of meat about the size of half of my pinky nail???

I thought those medical peeps were smarter than that....shows what I get for thinking...again.

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My kids are eating turkey pot pies on the couch right now....

Nothing but the best for my offspring....

Ocassionally...I will play June Cleaver and give them carrot sticks, and celery and tofu....

well all but the tofu, but It sounded healthy didnt it???

Pot pies are damn good....and all 4 food groups are represented...

1.ya got your meat (processed water added turkey type meat)

2. ya got your veggies...peas, carrots and potatoes...

3. Ya got your grain ...the crust.

4. and ya got your dairy...im sure they used some type of milk in that gravy, or to make that crust....

And as far as im concerned they are one of the best inventions in the world...especially now that they're microwaveable...

There.

Ive just glorified a freking pot pie....

Okay well im gonna go see if I can find a life now.....

Til next time take care Chicas and Chicos
(hey, I never claimed to be full mexican so work with me on my Spanish type closing statements)

This is how we do it!

2007-08-27T09:35:00.000-07:00

Here are some recent happenings from yesterdays "Round Up Sunday"..Our church held this event to kickoff the beginning of their Fall sunday school semester..I think I said that right....

Anyway, below you will find a photo of my BIL...

BIL is trying to show some random little girl the "piggies" in a cage....

For some reason BIL lost his footing and came this close to falling face first into the Said "piggy cage"....

He caught the edge of the cage saving not only himself and the piggies, but the random little girl from getting serious cage injury...YAY BIL!!!
He is actually in the process of falling down in this picture...he and random girl had actually posed nicely 2 seconds before this happened and I just happened to catch the incident...yay me...

Moving on.

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This is my eldest, upon a noble steed...In here eyes anyway.

I almost did not get this pic, as I was wandering through the petting zoo I noticed she was missing....

Did she get eaten by an Alpaca? Kicked in the head by the donkey?

NOOOOO.

She took it upon herself to get in line for the pony rides WITHOUT ME!!

So I caught her coming around the back 40 with these two strangers smiling from ear to ear and looking like a real cowgirl....GIDDY UP!

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Finally here is my baby...this is about the third different cookie I saw her eating within a 15 minute timespan...

Did I mention that the cookies were bigger than her head??

So it was a fun day..all in all...everyone showed up to church in western wear and it was really fun...the kids also won lots of junk that they dont need, as usual.

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So im off in about 40 minutes here to have my colposcopy and biopsy done...not too excited about that..really nervous actually. Say a prayer for me..Please.

Till next time

Adios mi Amigos

Tornadoes, Tattoos and Kids...OH MY!

2007-08-24T05:56:00.000-07:00

I like that title....One of my alltime favs is The Wizard of Oz....one of may favorite lines from that movie is...

"Lions and Tigers and Bears Oh my!!"

But you're smart like that and guessed it before I could spill the beans...

The tornado pic was taken at my dads last night...we had a tornado warning, about 10 to 15 miles north was where the rotation was spotted...and here is the said rotation...enjoy.

It never did touch down and receded almost before I could run in the house to grab my camera...

Tornadoes are one of my worst fears....I used to have reoccuring nightmares about them.

As long as im in a place that has a basement though I dont really give a damn and I think their pretty cool....

Jimmy and Sue have a nice big basement so I was able to enjoy watching the rotation last night...the kids kinda freaked out though.

Then we grilled yummy steaks, baked sweet potatoes on the coals., and sliced tons of fresh garden tomatoes....of course I ate too much!

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One of my fellow bloggers had a post not so long ago...think it was Just A Mom not positive...about how if you have a tattoo to share it...

So here is my one and only...its on my lower back..

The lines are from my undies...sorry....

It was one of those "Oh shit im turning 30 and maybe if I get a tatt it will make me feel/look younger" deals.....weve all been there I think...

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These are my kids and Wally our new pup...the girls just got done freaking out over the tornado excitement, and Wally just finished up humping my dads boxer who is 115 times his size...

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Today will be a fun filled day for HMM....

it is supposed to rain here all day.

Of course I have cramps....

I need to do dishes and all the other exciting housework...

First im going to take a shower and have a taco...or maybe in the opposite order...

Well this Half Mexican Mama is outtie....

The 411 on my "Womanly Issues"

2007-08-23T12:57:00.000-07:00

First of all I want to thank all of you who have kept me in your prayers about this situation...and PLEASE continue to do so....

Just got back from the new doctor...I LOVE HIM ALREADY! He made me feel sooo relaxed about this whole situation...He said that the "slightly abnormal cell" diagnosis for abnormal paps is VERY common these days..what with the discovery of HPV and all...

He sent me home with a script for a 4 day antibiotic cream treatment as most of the time he said these are just cases of inflamation....LETS HOPE THIS IS ALL IT IS!!

BUT as a precaution I do have to go on Monday for a Biopsy and Colposcopy just to rule everything else out...and a test to be sure I dont have one of the cancer causing strains of HPV...

I just hope and pray it is only inflamation and that everything else is normal...or at least low grade enough to where he can remove the cells...but we are taking it one step at a time...I will keep you posted...

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On another note...I spent the day at my dads yesterday, I had to run up to the store so I told Buster and Grandpa to keep an eye on the little one....yeah right...

Dad called me today to inform me that his refridgerator had been rearranged by the little one...all of his lunch meats, bologna and salami and whatnots had all been taken out of their protective little deli bags and put freestanding into the bottom drawer of the fridge...she did however put the little deli baggies back in the correct compartment....

The things kids do for entertainment.

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While at my dads his boxer decided to take a whiz on our puppies head.....

And Wally (the pup) just sat there and let the golden shower grace his cute little puppy head...

I tried to intervene, but didnt want to get peed on myself....

Eldest gave said puppy a bath today...whew!! He was tinky!!

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Did I tell you that Buster brought me a gift home from work last week???

Well yeah this is a real romantic gesture...just so you all know I have more romance in my left pinky than he does...dont get me wrong he is a great guy..just not so romantic...

He comes home with a brand new official NHL RedWings Tshirt tags and all..I thought it was a little big but instead of being insulting I was so happy and geeked I said "Thank You Baby"..

He replied by telling me

"Yeah the lady whose house I was working on today was cleaning out some of her dead mothers stuff and gave me that tshirt....""

Gee Thanks Hon!! Bringing me a dead ladys tshirt...now THATS true love.....

aaahhh what he wont do for me.....

Oh yesterday he brought me a penis/ball shaped cucumber as a gift from work...people give him stuff all the time..I swear..if its still at my dads when I go there I will take a pic and post it for ya!! shaped just like the real live thing...

I told ya he loves me ;-)

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Well til next time....

ALWAYS get your yearlies......

Hide the bologna if my daughter and I visit you....

and be sure to bestow loving gifts on all the loved ones in your life...

Hasta Manana!

D DAY

2007-08-22T22:42:00.000-07:00

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY CROTCH?!

We shall find out tomorrow..hopefully unless there is more to it than im aware of..

Supposed to get a Coloscopy and posssibly a biopsy..lets pray not the "Biopsy" as they will only do that if they see anything "abnormal"...

Ive said it once and ill say it again....If they handed out hysterectomys with a side of fries I would be first in line....Im so freakin scared...oh well tis what it is right???

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I have a Confession...dont know if its blog worthy but I gotta get it offa my bust so here it is...............................................................................................................................................................................................

I took a towel from the hospital when I had both of my kids...

Stiff ass white Port Huron stamped small ass towelllss..

there

I said it .......

to me its just a souveneir...I still use those small ass towels and every time I do I remember giving birth....

wether it was my first baby a seven and a half pounder...

or my second born a 3 and a half pounder...

I remember it....the first night alone in the hospital with your newborn is euphoric...yall know what I mean....

you remember being alone with them, those brand new eyes, ears, toes and nose

everytime I see those two towels..which I use often might I add..I remember giving birth to those two girls...

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Sorry this is so short im tired...I think I will go and TRY to sleep now wish me luck tomorrow....see you all in Bloggerland again soon!!

Buenes Noches!
HMM

D Day

2007-08-22T22:41:00.001-07:00

Well I guess D Day is today since I cant sleep because of the worry of the whole matter....

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY CROTCH!!!

Testing, testing...1...2...3

2007-08-21T17:07:00.001-07:00

Here is a tired non makeup wearing halfmexican broad taking pics with the third camera I purchased since Wednesday of last week....we wont go there on the details but im sure most of you already know....

See this is Jill in her small bathroom with a very dirty mirror...

I had better things to do today like NOTHING...than to clean my damn bathroom mirror......I cleaned from sun up til sun down yesterday so today was my day off....

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My puppy likes running through the house with dirty underwear that he pulls out of the laundry...oh yeah dirty socks too.....but he seems so freakin happy when he is doing it....

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Im trying to teach my 3 year old her full name and her immediate relatives names so at dinner tonight for Daddy we decided to show off what we had learned....

Me: "Whats your full name"

Baby: says it perfecty albeit slowly first, middle and last....

Me:"Whats your sisters name"

Baby: says it perfectly

the same with Grandmas and Grandpas, and Aunts etc.......

Me:"What is Mommys name"

this is the fun part...

Baby: Mommy

I told Buster with pride that I taught her that...well actually not she refuses to say his name or mine....but dammit I know she knows it...

It just worries me cause what if she got lost...she at least knows her own name...

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I watched Little House on the Prarie twice and today....and liked it....

Sorry if your not a fan but I have been since the ripe old age of 6.....hoes....

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I made Breakfast for Dinner tonight which really confused the Baby...

It was yummy though...Biscuits and Gravy, Bacon and eggs....mmmmmmmmmmmmm

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The little neighbor boy poked his head in the door tonight as I was cooking and asked if he could eat here tonight...usually I would have said yes but Buster had a hard day at the office {he is a licensed plumber) and was parading around the house in his undies...so I told the little boy maybe another day as I really only planned on 4 and didnt think I had enough food...he said "I will just have bacon then" I said "No honey maybe another night"

After dinner the kids go out to play with the kid and I noticed the one big homemade biscuit I had leftover on the stove was gone...I asked my kid when she came in for a drink what happend to it...dont really care just curious...

She says neighbor boy said he was hungry and asked her if we had anything we could eat so she took him the biscuit...bless her little soul...she also said he said to tell me it was yummy even without butter!

I feel like a horses ass for not letting him eat here now...I dont know if his parents are not home very much or what the deal is but he has ate here quite a bit...I wonder if there is enough food at his house...I wonder why I wonder and worry about someone elses kid...I guess it comes with being a mom....

I feel bad for the little fella...I think im gonna send him home with a doggie bag tonight....

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Please keep me in your prayers....please please...I got an earlier and closer gyno appointment the day after tomorrow.....I just want everything to be norma....

Would I be out of line to request a voluntary hysterectomy???

They probably dont dish them out that easy...maybe if I beg....or show the doc my boobies.....hell that wont work he gets to look at an assortment of em every day....I wonder if it ever "turns them on" you know gynos???

I have heard of some perverted cases but I think im pretty safe with the small town doc here...

If not I will just have to goto his house in his sleep and squeeze his peeper off with pliers...sorry now im getting carried away.....

Well Chicas and Chicos

Have fun til next time...feed a person if they ask...dont think about it just do it!

Gracias!

The "swing" of things.

2007-08-20T05:12:00.000-07:00

It is so amazingly hard to believe that school starts the week after next...

so..

Im going to try to "get back into the swing of things"

I started today by waking early, around 5 thirtyish only cause I had to pee so bad.

Then I couldnt get back to sleep so layed next to Buster whilst listening to the rain on the roof and hitting the leaves on the shitty little excuse of a tree outside our bedroom window...

I really had all intentions on getting up and making a pot of coffee before he left for work, but I couldnt pull my squat little ass outta bed cause I was so mesmerized by that sound, plus I was comfy and warm...

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Im so freaking domesticated that I had lunch/dinner started in the crock pot around 7:30, im really starting to swing now!

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Well the weekend went well as you can tell, only thing is one of my stepbrothers had his current girlfriend come up to stay with him at my dads for the weekend, AND his ex (teenage daughters momma)...not a good combination.

GF ended up leaving early Friday night..I mean ripping down her tent and air mattress and every thing and peeling out a 4 am...

Im so glad I was not there for that drama...I feel bad though because I like both of the chicks...Kim is pictured in a couple of the posts below, and Kristina is pictured sitting at the picnic table with me here to the right...or maybe left...shit I dont know Ive changed my damn temlate too many times in the last week...

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Wish me luck as I try to call the Gyno to get in earlier than the 29th, I was having some pretty weird pain last night and this morning...not sure if its linked to my current "problem", or if I just had to pee so bad it still hurts a couple hours after I already went.

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Well I returned yet another digital camera...this is my third one...the first 2 were Samsungs that I got cause my cheap ass was trying to save fifty bucks..so this time I went with the Kodak, and purchased a battery recharging system for Nimh batteries.

Havent used the bitch yet so wish me luck there too....

Well sorry this post was a little long and boring, If I think of anything amusing trust you me, I will be posting!

For now...Peace Out....this halfmexican hoe has to go check on her frejoles!!

She got Dunked!

2007-08-19T10:48:00.000-07:00

My firstborn was Baptized this morning!

She was so excited that she barged into our bedroom at 8 o'clock yelling "Today is the Day!"

It was sweet cause during Sunday school she was supposed to sing a solo, but got too nervous, so Mommy had to go up and help her finish it..

In case your wondering we are Independant Fundamental Baptist (KJV) so we believe in deep water full submersion, just like in the days of the disciples....plus its way cool....

Afterward she was getting dried off in the bathroom, along with the 3 other Dunkers,and yelled out for all to hear "IM A BAPTIST NOW"....she also gets to partake in communion now which is way cool as well!!

Well enjoy your Sunday folks! Were taking naps now!!

A hora de siesta! (I think I said that right)

This is my Fam...well my extended fam...

2007-08-17T21:57:00.000-07:00

This is Kim and I and my girls...she may as well be my SIL..I love her she is a coool Hoe..

Ill figger this crap out some day...the top one is half of the mixed crew.....we are a big mixed loving family...

I just got my camera last night from the cleaning and painting labor from last weekend!

WOOT WOOT!

It paid off!

I hugged the porcelain throne, and someone took my kids!

2007-08-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

Okay Okay...Maybe I should have wrote that title in the opposite order....

Yes my babies are gone, but no its not because I got drunk...

Now that that's out of the way here is the lowdown....My cute little younger (only by 2 years) yet childless sister called me Tuesday night and offered to take BOTH kids AND our new puppy!

And I said "Hellyeah"!!!

Two days without the kids...I can get so much done around here. Now that the circus business about the "other house" is over...

WRONG! Im sicker than a steaming pile of doggie doo today..havent lifted a finger and dont plan to.

So Buster and I thought it would be nice to go out for a nice dinner childless....AND it was nice. I had 2 long island teas, because thats the max in the restaurant as they are as potent as gasoline...Needless to say we got home Buster went to bed and I did it...it has been soooo long thatI have ever gotten sick from drinking, but I think with the stress of that other house and our second vehicle being broke down, and my not so normal pap I just lost it....

Once again,
FOR THE RECORD I FEEL LIKE SHIT TODAY....

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

In case your'e wondering, I got every penny out of that lady for my paint, work time and labor...$828.33 to be exact...At first she was going to protest, and I nicely but firmly told her that I did not clean her house for free for two days, to which she replied well 1400.00 is just way to much....were not dealing with a "full deck" here people...as you can tell...

I told her I didnt want 1400, and pulled out my little handwritten list and receipts, and showed her how it all added up...she paid me...in cash.

So even if her deal falls through with this potential buyer, I AM NOT renting that house...were still looking..preferrably for a place out in the country.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

On a different note Buster brought me chinese food for lunch today...we were done eating and was watching a Heavy Metal Rock documentary from 1988. It had Steven Tyler, Alice Cooper , Bret Michaels and many other high hair maniacs. Well I made a hilarious discovery.

Did you know that in the 80's when a person jumped into the crowd to body surf NOBODY caught their crazy asses!! I laughed so hard I thought I was gonna pee (yes again)...And it happened over and over and over, I think I laughed so hard I cried....I kept yelling "look there goes another!" and "oh no oh no"....gawd you gotta see it...Ii think it was on IFC or something...

Must have taken them to the early to mid nineties when they decided to start body surfing, and not just "body swimming"...I mean people were just stepping back and letting people smash their melons on the ground! Too funny...

Then we saw a commercial for roses...I dropped a hint to Buster but dont know if he picked it up or not ;-) we shall see he'll be home from work in an hour...he mentioned something about maybe I'll keep ya posted and omit any R rated scenes!!

Till Next time,
Love your Kids
Stay sober
and Dont smash your melon!
Hasta Luego!

We wont be moving....

2007-08-14T08:08:00.000-07:00

Yup...

It happened...

I went to bed with a feeling of discomfort the other night because we didnt have a signed agreement when we paid our deposit and got our keys last week....

This woman goes to my church, and I trust her.

Yeah right...it even says in the Bible to "trust no man" or woman to that extent...

She got an offer as the house was on the market for about 3 years now, and after taking our deposit she called to tell us "she got an offer"....

Now this dosent mean its sold, or even that the financing and appraisal went through, but if she is willing to just pull the rug from under our feet before we move in what would she have done had we already been in there??

I understood our verbal agreement (not yet in writing) was that we would live there..fix the place up and then see if we could get financed to purchase in a few years...she seemed fine with that...Unless I understood her wrong. You see she is legally blind and may not have heard me at all the while I was thinking it was a look of agreement it was just a blind stare...

I am still freaking sore from scrubbing all the scum, shit and whatnots off her damn walls, and I have a mind to call her ang give her a piece of it...I am waiting to cool off before I speak to her IN PERSON...

tonight we will go to the place and clean our painting mess up, remove any remnants of our being there...kids books, pop cans etc...

then goto her house and politely ask for the deposit, paint and supply money (we have receipts for all) and 100.00 for labor, now that cheap cause my friend and I cleaned for about 9 hours, I mean scrubbed pretty much every wall in that place and put my heart and soul into picking the perfect paint colors, and all the paint labor etc...im just glad I didnt start the carpet cleaning yet....

Why is it me always getting kicked in the ass? First the abnormal pap, our second vehicle is still not fixed, and now this....im just so stressed I cant stand it!!!

There now its out, I vented Gracias for listening to my BS....love u all!!!! HMM

I may be the most sore person in the Thumb of Michigan today

2007-08-11T09:33:00.000-07:00

My good friend and I got to our new house yesterday to was some walls, to ready them for the new paint job they were going to receive last night....a few buckets of bleach water, a few quick swipes...no prob huh?

WRONG!

The people that lived in that house before must have been the filthiest beings in this whole damn state....cause Im just assuming there is filthier out there...there always is...

We washed all the walls in the house except for the utility room, and the 2 bathrooms...I like to do the bathrooms myself because Im VERY particular in the disinfecting of my eh-hem...throne room and whatnot...

Im not even kidding when I tell you that in some of those bedrooms I swear they must had thrown wads of food or poop against those walls...black chunky chunks, what appeared to be boogers and....well I will stop there but you can only imagine what MIGHT be on a bedroom wall...yeah u know what im talking about....

So I had my 2 kids and new puppy...and she had to babysit at the last minute for her neice and nephew, and HER new puppy....sounds like lots of fun huh?? The kids had to crap or eat every 5 seconds, so pretty much all day...it was rubber gloves on ...rubbber gloves off....repeat repeat repeat....

Then Buster got there with my colors for the kitchen/dining area....photos to come btw. He was astounded by the colors I chose...which were a deep red for the bottom of the waynsecoting and a light gold for the top...the chair rail is called sugar wafer...he teases me that they are "Wetback" colors...so I am halfmexican....duh! He thinks chili pepper lights along the ceiling and a sign reading "Jills Cantina" Or "Jills Hacienda" would look nice in there...he's not joking either....

Scary thing is....

I would probably hang that damn sign, and be proud of it.....!!!

I will try to keep u all posted on my move and big cleaning/painting endeavors!!

Adios!
d

Days of our Lives

2007-08-09T11:47:00.000-07:00

Man I used to LOVE that show!

Back in the day (when I was like 10) I thought I was so cool cause my teenage cousins and my aunts used to let me watch it with them....That Bo was pretty damn hot! So was Bo on the Dukes of Hazzard, damn I dont know which was sexier....

Anywho...its just a title for my post cause I couldnt think of anything else...

Lets see...my skin quit peeling on the sunburn, so I can quit secretly throwing skin balls at Buster when he is not looking.

The new puppy continues to shit and piss wherever he fancies....wouldnt the world be a more comfortable place if humans could do it...you know like if it was second nature. However we would all have to carry around plastic doo doo bags for the instances that we needed to relieve ourselves...I wouldnt have to purchase my own...little doo doo bags that is....

you see...

the four of us to a late night family outing to Wally World to do some grocery shopping, and the cashier (the poor dude has to pack AND ring up your shit at this joint) put one to two items in each bag....we purchased about 150 dollars worth of groceries and ended up coming home with aproximately 50 "doo doo" bags respectively.

SOOOO im all set if nature calls. Now I just need a larger purse to stuff said doo doo bags into should the need ever arise. Oh yeah I forgot I would also have to carry Buster and the kids bags too...but wouldnt we conserve so much water that way???

I mean we could just burn out "doo doo" when we get home...out back in a little coffee can or sumppin.....

Yes, Halfmexican Mama is bored my little widgets.....

Hmmmm, been thinking a lot about the presidential election coming up next year, and doing some reasearch on some of the "higher up" candidates....

I dont care what anyone says, but man cmon....if your name is Barack Hussein Obama, you dont stand a freakin chance of being elected in the country...No offense to anyone with similar names, but lets be real here......That would be like letting Jeffrey Hitler Dahmer run for prez...or some shit...

So if anyone has any good points, or characteristics to shoot out on any of the candidates, send them my way....Im open, at this point to either party.

Udder than that, I have a meatloaf in the crockpot that I think is smelling pretty damn good, either that or maybe the puppy shit behind the couch again....Im aiming for the first thought...

Now Im going to lay on my fat ass and read my book until the 3 year old wakes up...we may be going to the new house to clean tonight...not sure yet, im game for anything right about now.....

Take care Widgets, and join me in my crusade in making the plastic doo doo bag not so underrated anymore!

All things happen for a reason, I THINK...

2007-08-08T07:23:00.000-07:00

Well a few random happenings here, especially for those of you who think that your lives are really poopy right now....

And Im not complaining, only venting a little, cause as the title reads "All things....."

First of all...I got the results of an abnormal pap about a week ago. For the first time in my life. Im scared. The doc said I have LSIL on my cervix and need to further investigate. This sucks as I dont know how long I will have insurance for (that is a whole other blog post in itself) any way I dont go back til Aug 29th and til then I have to sit and worry, and worry, and wonder, and pray, and worry. I keep trying to tell myself that its all in the Lords hands from here on out and He knows whats best for me. I hope so badly that this is nothing and it will go away on its own or with a simple procedure.

Enough of that now.

Got me a part time job a few weeks ago...was supposed to start yesterday...BIG problem over the weekend...the rear defferential or some crap fell out of our second vehicle...not good as a part like this brand new is like 2000 bucks or sumptin...shooo

THEREFORE I cant for the life of me ask anyone I know to travel 20 miles round trip a day for me to take the kids to daycare and maintain a minimum wage paying job for 4 hours a day for 4 days a week...I called the place and told one of the employees what was going on but cant seem to get in touch with the GM yet to let her know...

SOOO we found a bigger house to move into, HALLELELUJA!!! Now being a single income family lets just say its a bit challenging paying the first and last months rent the payment here AND trying to get the truck fixed.....NOT to mention the car needs brakes and struts now....

So to all my good friends out there in Bloggerland, I say to you:

"ALL THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON, I THINK"

Unless you have a better explanation for all the shitty shittiness that one has to encounter in this world of ours...

Now I have to go pull a three year old off of my 7 year old and her puppy. She is a bully like that. God love her, and the 7 year old and the puppy.

Till next time take care of yourselves, and the other bullies in your lives...remember me and mine in your prayers...peace out !

Update

2007-08-04T12:36:00.000-07:00

I am peeling like a motha now...and still itchy! HHHHHHHEEEEEEEEELLLLLLPPPP!

Oh yeah and Flip Flop Goddess aka Bossy aka Rockermom left Michigan today...im so sad..tis been a shitty day all around....but I wont go there

I dont mind being called a "Wetback"

2007-08-03T08:03:00.000-07:00

Tis me on the right of course..Rockermom due West...we got so damned burned that day and now im itching like nuts! It was loads of fun though.....

The top ones are in the Hottub aka "Margaritaville"

All good things must come to an end...the Hoe is going home in a few days.....im gonna be bored again....

Some recent crap

2007-07-27T19:53:00.001-07:00

Raising Hell since 1989...that is me and my BFF Rockermom at the Def Leppard concert Tuesday night....we had a freaking blast!

Then I had a blast, in my pants in the hotel lobby....not shitting you, I had to pee sooo bad on the way back to the hotel, and our driver took the long route and refused to stop for me to relieve myself...dumb bitch. The driver happend to be my sister so I have the right to say that about her. Cause I love her more than anything and she knows it....I hate her driving though...she took the long route because "she dosent do express ways" ...pfft!

Til next time...Rock on peeps and try to stay dry...if anyone has any extra Depends or Poise pads feel free to ship them my way at:

Halfmexican Pissy Mama
123 Pisspants Avenue
Urinary Tract, MI 48477

Gracias!!

NOOO its not a sandbox!

2007-07-18T10:57:00.000-07:00

Whilst visiting my best friend Rockermom the other day, my youngest saw a kitty litter box for the first time and said...

"Oooo a sanbox...can i play in it Mummy?"

No no darlin...that IS NOT a sandbox for little girls its for kittys. Then she wanted to watch her newfound friend Boo go poop.

I so wish I was 3 again.

Letter ti Vistaprint/"Businessmax"

2007-07-05T07:28:00.000-07:00

Is it wromg that I didnt begin this letter with "dear" or " to whom it may concern"?? Here is the original email sent to the company...explanation to follow.....A-hem....

I will NOT be using Vista Print ever again. As like many others. People do not appreciate being taken advantage of. Please so not send further emails or offers. My checking account is off and possibly under balance thanks to your "company". And my account information is now vulnerable thanks to you!

No one "signs" any type of "membership" at checkout, its just your sneaky way of robbing people and hoping that they do not notice! Im leaving negative feedback at your website as well, which you will only delete anyway, but nonethless.

You are part of the reason this nation is falling apart. Its disgusting!

Thank You
Jill A. Jones

membersavings@BusinessMax123.com wrote:
Dear Jill Jones,
We would like to let you know that your VistaPrint Rewards membership and benefits privileges were cancelled on 7/05/2007 per your membership terms.
We value you as a loyal customer and hope that you will continue to use VistaPrint for your printing needs. Please enjoy 250 Premium Business Cards, FREE. You may enjoy this offer now, or with a future order. Be sure to click thru the link on the email in order to take advantage of this offer.
Thank you for choosing VistaPrint!
Sincerely,Member Savings Department

I could have been more vulger, but im trying to maintain some type of my christianity here...work with me if you will..

Yesterday when balancing my checking I noticed that a company called Businessmax did an auto debit to our account for 14.95, neither Buster nor I authorized such transaction, and being it a Holiday I couldnt question trusty ole Chase bank either....soooo I took matters into my own hands..literally and did what any normal half white overweight mother of 2 would do... I GOOGLED it, and came up with this:

http://www.ripoffreport.com/reports/ripoff144729.htm

If it would happen to anyone it would be me..im lucky in that sick twisted way.

It may only be 15 bucks but its still MY money, and a violation to my personal finances and privacy...sonsofbitches...

Well other than that the holiday was uneventful, the only fireworks we was were on TV somewhere in Beantown...those folks over in Beantown sure do know how to blow em off though..the display lasted about a half an hour..maybe more..The fireworks in this area will be on Lake Shitwater, I mean Huron at the marina Saturday night. I was invited to a BBQ at my dads so I wont be attending the festivities this year.

"Pigging out at a pig roast" has a nicer ring to it than "sitting at Shitwater and watching all 7 of their fireworks pop off"...I would have more fun making a bag of microwave popcorn with my eyes shut, visioning naked midgets running around my house with sparklers..

..AND I would at least have the popcorn to enjoy with my own private show ;-)

Well..hope you all had a fun, safe and happy 4th!!

Note: Any and all subject matter in this blog entry was in no way intended for making fun of, poking jabs at, or belittling Lake Huron, resiidents of Lake Huron or Midgets, also including but not limited to midgets living in the Lake Huron area. I am not prejudice or racial in any way, im half mexican for crying out loud.

A Happy 4th to All!

2007-07-04T09:46:00.000-07:00

I would like to wish everyone a Happy 4th of July!

My kids are driving me nuts.
Im Bored.
I have cramps.
I have gas.
I am bloated.
I am too lazy to get dressed.
Its cloudy and gloomy out.
There is nothing to do (besides clean).

Can anyone add to this? Or am I just having a bad day?

But HEY!! its Independance Day!! I think I can compose a song out of this entry...

My baby is 3, and Ratatouille

2007-07-01T18:34:00.001-07:00

Hard to believe but 3 years ago on June 24th 2004 that little bean emerged from my womb. And I do mean bean and not "being"...she only weighed a little over 3 pounds, I shit you not...one month early...she bursted out practically on her own. The nurse had to hold her head in place to stop her from coming out as the Dr. was running late.... the Bluewater Bridge was drawn up or some crap....but healthy nevertheless, she is now a spunky toddler!

Just got back from seeing the new Disney Pixar movie Ratatouille...a must see, especially if you have little ones...thats all for tonight folks!!

Time flies by...

2007-06-27T18:56:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while I put a nice piece of my mind down here...not like anyone cares, only that I think about things sometimes and I like to write about it....

Lately Ive been thinking about how quickly time goes by. For instance this past weekend I was at a High School graduation Open House for a girl that seems like yesterday was wearing diapers and had a slight speech impedement....OR.......

I see and realize all the things that todays teenagers are doing or experiencing and think back to when I was partaking in the same activities....LIKE 16 YEARS AGO ......damn....where did the time go?

Skinny dipping in the lake or a gravel pit....puking so hard that you shit your pants at the same time...hiding from the cops at a party in the cemetary BEHIND A HEADSTONE...your first hit of reefer...your first kiss...first dance....first prom...actually getting your drivers lisence, and using it...hiding from people cause your too young to have a beer in your hands, hot pavement under your feet cause you dont give a damn how bad it hurts, oh could go on and on...

We all take all that shit for granted, but thinking back on it all, they were milestones that a person will only experience once in their lives for the first time.

But then I think ahead of the things ive never done yet...such as...retiring, becoming a grandparent, having a kid in college, walking with a cane, having gray hair (upstairs and down), going on vacations without the rugrats, all the things that are inevitable but still in reality are milestones in themselves....

At this time I would like to just live for the moment. Take time to smell the "roses" or whatever smell it may be. Enjoy the disgustingly humid summer days, love these menstrual cramps cause one day I wont have them anymore, lovingly wipe that kids shitty ass, and do it all with joy and a smile....cause thats what life is all about. Live. Let live. And Live well while you can!!!

Summer Activities

2007-06-26T09:44:00.000-07:00

Well this photo is actually from last summer.

The first time our youngest was ever on a canoe trip.

It can be stressful. I mean, taking little ones canoeing.

I think I snapped the picture BEFORE I yelled "say cheese!",

either that or I just shit my pants. I dunno, you make the call. Either way it was an eventful day and the girls enjoyed it....

On another note....

The photo to the left is at Michigans Adventure a few weeks ago...Blogger dosent know how to display properly when you ask it to align left..pfft! The pic is of no one in particular, its the Crokscrew ride that I went on with my kid. And it is NOT a fun ride. No, I dont like coasters..call me a wimp, I dont care.

Okay okay..and I know the order of this blog is all wrong...but everytime I load a pic it overlaps the last one!! Damn! The TOP picture is a photo of "camp" when we went camping at Forester Park a couple days after we returned from Mi Adventure..Notice the clothseline...im so domesticated. Dont be jealous!

Tennis Camp and Bathtime Blunders

2007-06-21T06:18:00.001-07:00

and my kid just farted and whizzed her sippy cup across the room cuz she is talented like me...
she is watching an episode of Little Bear, in which there was acutual kissing taking place...WTH???

We walked the oldest one down to the high school this morning for her last day of Tennis Camp. So far Gutt hasnt abused her to the point of no return yet. However he did forget to give my kid her lunch on the first day and she had to watch all the other kids eat cause "HER MOM FORGOT TO BRING HER A LUNCH" ***gasp!***I didnt forget to bring her a lunch ya fartmongers her coach for got where I put it!!

So Buster decides to loan our second vehicle out for THE WHOLE week, First day of Tennis I had to use Our Friends Mommas vechicle to transport her. She was a little embarrassed when I showed up in a lipstick red 1982 Tempo..making ugly faces as she advanced toward the car (while eating the lunch that I didnt bring her)....hey it's a Limited Sunsport Edition....kids they just dont have respect for the classics I tell ya...Back in the day when I was like me kids age that was a suh-weet ride!!

Second day of tennis Granpa decided to take her to and fro...third day my twin neices spent the night and she did not want to attend that day anyway, and today I walked with sissy in the stroller as she rode her bike...I will have to walk back to pick her up...I need the excercise anyway.

Speaking of my neices spending the night...Im not used to having two twelve year olds a seven year old and a near three year old at the same time, so needless to say they tired me out a bit. We made mexican food together, went to the park, made slushies, and rented Freedom Writers. Buster went fishing. So I went to take a bath to soak this huge scab on my leg, hoping it would fall off this time. I lit a candle, and lied there in the hot, bubbly softness of the water, and I guess I got a little comfortable...

About an hour later all I hear is LOUD giggling and screaming...I guess Aunt Jill fell asleep in the tub and was snoring louder than Buster...so I am told. And let me tell you when Buster snores, he raises the damn roof....on the other hand I NEVER snore, I guess unless I fall asleep in the water. Just a littlse scary as this is the second time this has happened to me in the last year. The last time I was at my Dads and my stepmom awoke me...

Thing is I LOVE LOVE LOVE my baths....but not enough to drown in...oh well guess i'll have to ixnay on the bathpay's for a while...phooey!

Till next time..take care of yourselves, and each other...
I mean dont let your friends and loved ones drive drunk or fall asleep in the bathtub ;-)

SNOT funny!

2007-06-19T16:10:00.000-07:00

Well I guess it is...

As I sit her drinking a glass of homeade bathtub wine I reminisce...on Fathers Day...

All was right with the world...still is, but when we got home that night from my Dads..our Daddy had a wee bit to drink to celebrate the occasion, and spotted "Our Friend Tom's mom" across the street at her dads and invited her over 4 a beer...

WELLL...one beer turned into many, and she ended up here til 1 in the morning. Mind you Buster went to bed about 12:30 so I was left to entertain the small redheaded 50 year old lass...

We sat and drank a few brews 2gether til I suggested that she needed to fly...I was NOT about to let her littlel light ass drive home cause she was pawing at my door frame and couldnt even see 4 feet in front of her, so I drove her home which was only 3 miles from here, and her sonwas sleeping when we got to her house, I had to carry her up her apartment stairs and wake his ass up to take me home (i drove her car} he said "MOM you stay your ass here and ill be back in a few minutes" so he went to the car to wait for me....upon which she replied to me

"smy insuranse and my carrr and i gotta go wif ya"....

So I carried her back to the car in which her son was driving to go with us to take me home...the funny thing was..

She is 50 years old sitting in the back seat of her 82' Tempo waving like a little kid to me when they dropped me off....

She has been once divorced and has 3 kids and is not happy with her life and I told her...

"Woman, you have a JOB 3 beautiful kids and a vehicle...thats a lot more than I can say for some people...I just remember that puppy dog lookin face smiling at me when they dropped me off back home, and waving at me in a childlike fashion.....

Some people just dont realize what they have and to be content with it I guess is a whole different story, but there was no WAY in hell I was letting that woman drive herself home that night. She couldnt even hold onto the wall. But I love her and I hope someone does the same for me someday. Or for my kids...

Til Next time take care of yourselves, and each other ;-)

Ahhh, Vacation!

2007-06-15T07:57:00.000-07:00

Well we went to 2 places this past week.

Last weekend was Michigans Adventure, and the past few days we went camping to Forester Park.

Michigans Adventure was very nice. Cept they dont sell alcohol. I think I could have handled the whininess and people and constant pissing of my 2 year old a lot better had I a drinkie or 2. The rides were cool, I like the water rides particularly and the prices were half that of Cedar Point. AND the drive was half that of Cedar Point...Let me tell you by the time we got home a 3 and a half hour ride was about all we could handle with a 2 year old and a 7 year old constantly pinching or tickling or jabbing each other...

Camping was great...then again same pissiness. Yes we cooked and ate our meals in the great outdoors, drank coffeground laden coffee, washed mostly with baby wipes, had a critter eat ALL of our food on the first night, and all 4 of us slept on a full size air mattress....FUN, if you look at it that way. By the second day I was pretty much done, I can only take so much. Erin and I bonded on a nature hike in the woods though, and I realized that no matter how dirty my little one is she is still incredibly beautiful. And quite funny she was so tired one day that when Busters parents came to see us at camp she was sitting between them on the picnic table and out of sheer tiredness she keeled over backward onto the ground...too cute!

Well I better get going I have a lot of unpacking and cleaning to do and my laundry is now a week and a half behind..were running out of towels and underwear, that is NOT a good thing! We may have to declare a state of emergency within the household...oh yeah and my Pastor wants me to sing again on Sunday night and that leaves little time for me to practice...OH wish me luck on That!!

Til next time...take care of yourselves....and each other ;-)

I've realized that...

2007-06-06T22:36:00.000-07:00

Most people pray when they WANT something, a miracle, a healing, safety etc.. I have begun to thank God for what I have. For instance I found out tonite that a friend at our church's daughter, whom just graduated from high school, has cervical cancer. A beautiful, smart, young girl with her whole life ahead of her. I have realized that we also as human beings need to pray more in thanks to the Lord for what we have as far as the health of ourselves, and our children. For our shelter, and clothing and food. And so much more. I may not be wealthy, or famous, or live in a mansion and own planes, limos and BMW's, but I do have the love of God in my life. And by his precious grace, mercy and forgiveness, I would not have what I do. I'm a thankful ho tonight...just wanted yall to know that.

I'm up right now at 1:42 cause I cant sleep. Ive been having that problem lately. So I will leave you all with the humble little thought above, and wish you all a great weekend!

We are taking the kids to Michigans Adventure this weekend. Leaving Saturday and coming back Sunday. The weather is supposed to be delicious so I hope we will have fun!!

SSDD

2007-06-05T08:45:00.000-07:00

Same shit different day...I guess.

I haven't bee in the blogging mood these days as you can tell...not too much interesting to write home about...

The weather has been so damn unpredictable here it is hard to plan anything...For instance we wanted to camp this past weekend but did not since they were saying it was supposed to rain off and on all damn weekend...well it didnt. Saturday never even rained and it was sunny and high 80's ...pfft! Today holy shit...its a whole 48 degrees out right now. Oh well we did a little fishing Friday night off the Cash Rd. Bridge with a few friends. They (I didnt fish I watched) were catching ten to twelve in suckers....yuck, i mean have you ever seen the lips on those nasty ass creatures? they look like actual human lips and their all puffy and pink...gross!! My daughter caught a muskrat...another yuck...good thing daddy takes care of the putting on and taking off of whatever she catches.

Saturday the girls planted a pumpkin patch with my dad then we went home and did nothing and waited for the rain that never came. When wer COULD HAVE been camping. Sunday we went to church both morning and evening services, while daddy went fishing with a friend of his in the evening. We dont really like fish that well....its just that, well if your from around here you know there isnt all that much to do for recreation. Its the sport not the meat that we like.

Anyway at the evening service my 2 year old decided to take her bi-weekly shit....OMG we almost broke one of the toilets at work....I SHIT you not. It was about the size and shape of my fist and I had to flush three times and plunge twice...she goes back to the doctor on the 10th probably more testing...I dunno....

The Kid, The Poop, and The Cops.

2007-05-25T05:14:00.000-07:00

I like my title....tee hee.

Anowho. Here is a sample of my day yesterday. In a clamshell.

The youngest and I went to do laundry at Sandusky's finest little laundry house in town, and the only one might I add, yesterday morning. It was about 90 here yesterday, and around 155 in the laundr-o-mat, I turned around to put clothes in the dryer, and the little one was right there, staring back at me with her blue stained candy face, when I turned once more HER LITTLE ASS WAS GONE!!!

Not gone for a moment. Gone GONE...

The only 2 people that ever read this both know that the laundromat is on a MAIN street, not to mention a deadly corner where punks and old people alike speed through on their way to do whatever it is that punks and old people do.

I FREAKN RAN. Now picture this lovely scene. My short fat squat little ass big boobed body RUNNING through the laundromat, yelling for the little shit. No answer. OH SHIT. I looked out the front window, no kid. I looked in the utility closet....no kid. I BARGED into the room where the people that work at The Laundro-mat work, no kid. They were stuffing their faces with Chinese food. One young teenage looking I said this

"Little kid. This high (put my hand by my thigh). Blonde Hair. You seenOne?"

He just happened to look out the window facing Dairy Queen and didnt say a word and pointed. He never moved an inch....just pointed. I RAN to my little shithead that was TEETERING on the motherloving curb of Margaret street and M46...PHEW!!!Those 2 year olds are freakin FAST.

I dont think Ive been that relieved since I pissed on the neighbors lawn a month ago. Thats a whole nother blog.

BUT moving on, The little one FINALLY pooped yesterday thanks to Magnesium Citrate, Or Blue Moon Ice cream...not sure which. Im just glad she finally punched it out. yet again another relief...Now I gotta take her poop card up to the hospital for them to put the shit under a microscope to see if she has microbial aliens living in there...hey if theirs a circus going on in their I want some of the profit...Dammit.

Last but not least...we went to Forester Inn for dinner last night...YES all you can eat crab legs and butter and salad bar. A LowCarbers dream....NOT.

The M-F'ers dont have the damn all you can eat crab legs anymore. No Excuses. Just dont have them anymore.

I WILL NOT ever go back there to eat. They also, in their mad frenzy, decided to re-do their freakin menu, and turned a 4 dollar burger into a 9 dollar burger. Fuckers.
BUT times are tough, and gas is expensive. SOOO needless to say they will lose a TON of business do to this foolish mistake.

So we got home and Buster went to visit His Buddies house, I put the little ones to bed, put on
some romantic music, and got in a cool shower. yeah..it was that hot yesterday...

As I stepped out of the shower, there was a tap on the bathroom window. Naturally thinking it was Buster I opened the blinds about 6 inches. We live in town mind you.

There stood a man I had never seen before in my life. I asked who the hell he was, and he said "Its me Steve" I told him I didnt know no Steve.

He said "You know, Steve Murray" so I said "Gimme ten minutes" so I got dressed real quick in my cotton crop pants and tank, which I usually wear to bed when NOT going commando.

I stepped out in the driveway to get a look at this dude, and I had no frakin clue who this was. Still curious, I asked "And where do I know you from?"

"You dont" he said "I was just walking by and heard your music and liked. Actually I rode my bike by earlier today and saw you outside, and you looked familiar."

Now I was really getting freaked out. Its dark, 9:30 and Im home alone with 2 little girls. So I told this guy that my husband was gone to a buddies house about 4 block over, and would be home any second....he didnt budge. Instead he continued to make conversation, asking what hubbys name was, what he did for a living etc, etc...

THEN The Good Ole Sandusky PD came to my rescue, goood ole Gilley pulled right into my driveway, turned on the spotlight (I know, the neighbors will thank me in the morning) and said 2 phrases...

"YOU stay there." to "Steve"
"YOU step over here" to me...

So I came over to the side of the patrol car and he asked full name and address. Then he asked what was going on here. Referring to "Steve" and I standing in the driveway. Me in my pajamas. I told him
" I dont know this guy from Adam. I got out of the shower and he was knocking at my window and asked to come in. My husband is not home, so I did not let him in the house cause Ihave 2 little ones inside and were alone"
he says "good move ma'am...smart on your part. we got a complaint that a gentleman fitting this description was knocking down doors over on Morse St...what Id like you to do is go inside and stay there."

so i did, and watched and listened out the window as they arrested ole "Steve" and drove off...

In a frenzy and all riled up I tried calling Buster again. I dont know if I mentioned before but I tried calling him whn I first met the guy and didnt know him...finally Buster answered his cell and told me He' be home in a jif.

Sooooo...being the nice evening out as it was we stayed out by the driveway as I explained the incedent. THEN some tart is walking down the street. A Famous Town Tart...Im not throwing any names on this one. And Buster says "Nice night"..so the Feller wanders on up the driveway toward us, to chat obviuosly, no sooner did he turn up the drive way ANOTHER Town Clown from the PD turns into our drive and asks Buster what was going on....

I went inside and stayed .....I dont know WTF was going on in this town last night..Maybe some big double homocide or TRIPLE who knows. Maybe "Steve" was a murderer and trying to duck out in an innocent persons house. I dunno. Makes me wonder. I am just so glad I stuck to my instincts and didnt let the fucker in.

MAYBE me and the kids would have been held hostage...MAYBE if it was 20 degrees out I would have let him in, MAYBE he was stalking me all day, MAYBE he was stalking my kid all day at school and followed her home.

Whatever. I just thank the Lord that the girls and I are safe.

Say What?

2007-05-24T06:14:00.000-07:00

I was fixing my hair the other morning and my two year old says "I gonna be your docker (doctor) momma" I didnt pay much attention I mean kids are always "playing doctor"....then she says "ok, turn on your belly I need to look in your butt".....MY POOR POOR KID!!

She has been experiencing some how shall I say..pooping problems. Like she only goes once or twice, if shes lucky a week. AND when doing so takes a lot of time and effort and extreme discomfort on her part. Usually involves some blood and some bright green crap. Im about fed up with the medical field because their not taking this as seriously as I am....

"did you try prunes"
"ever massage her anus?"
"sit her in a tub of warm water, then on the potty"
"make her eat more grains and fruits"
"stay away from cheese and rice products".............................................

I have heard it all and done it all!!
Hence I am waiting for the mother load right now so's I can smear it on a little card then wrap it securely and take it up to the hospital. I hope they will be able to see all the grains and fruit under the microscope....Bitches.....Oh and last night I started giving her Magnesium Citrate...gross stuff people.

Anyway I will keep you updated on the whole shitty situation.

On a brighter note I have been on my lowcarb diet 10 days and lost 6 maybe 7 pounds...I fell off the wagon with a bite of a potato Monday, but jumped right backon full force. The BIG weigh in will be Monday or Tuesday...wish me luck, hopefully I wont be raggin if you get my drift...everyone knows how much water weight gain is then...pfft.

Well Later my Lovely Chumps
Have a great holiday weekend :-)

4 days and counting, and Wally World

2007-05-17T12:22:00.000-07:00

Well Day #4 on my low carb diet....I had a nightmare, yes again. I dreamt I ate Lasagna...I was SOOOO dissapointed in myself, but was so relieved when I woke up it was a dream and that I really DIDNT eat the noodles...phew!!! That was a close one.

Im not a big sugarholic, not by far. But today I got a sweet tooth and the cookies in the cupboard were whispering, hell no they were actually shouting my name.

So I took my fat squat little ass to the local Wally World today and bought some Adkins cookie dough chocolate bars, and dark chocolate royale shakes. Nothing says chocolate like fake chemicals and sugar substitutes. But at least it worked. I took one bite of the bar and wrapped the rest up for another crave attack...strange I never crave sugar. Unless my body is being deprived of it and I cant fool myself no matter how I try. I will weigh myself tomorrow and see what a difference I made. One time on this diet I lost 8 pounds in 5 days. The trick is to limit your carbs even after your inital 14 day induction phase...then gradually bring them back limiting your self to one or two grainy starches. I particularly like whole wheat tortillas theyre low in carbs, fat and calories AND taste better for tacos.

We strangely got followed by a manager at the store that gave my kids cookies from the bakery WITH GLOBS OF FROSTING on top. I mean he went right back there behind the bakery counter and just helped himself...as nice as he was he was a little irratating and wouldnt quit talking or wouldnt leave us alone either...

My Kid:"Thank You for da cookie"
Weird Managerguy:"your welcome, have a nice day"
My Kid: "Ok"
Weird Managerguy:"Have a nice night"
My Kid: no reply
Weird Managerguy: "Have a nice weekend. Ihope it dosent rain because its really hard for me to cut my grass with all the rain weve been getting and its pretty tall and hard to manage when its like that.....blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda

Needless to say the dude followed (I swear) to the cheese section and bombarded The Sample Lady for mini muffins and chocolate milk. He then brought those to my daughter, and asked if I wanted any. I told him no that I wa trying to diet and he had the nerve to tell me that "Maybe if you eat right you wouldnt be so short"

Whatever Man...get a life. We lost him as we were making a B Line for the shoe aisles....

Diet Shmiet...And other Smack!!

2007-05-15T06:00:00.000-07:00

So started my low carb diet yesterday..I guess you can call it Adkins,or similar to. The only carbs I ingested was 8 ounces diet cranberry juice, for the bladder infection that i think I have, 4 light beers (I kno I know but it was only 12 carbs total) and some green beans.

On the plus side I had NO bread, pasta etc..I am trying to avoid processed starchy foods. The initail "Induction" phase is meant to stay under 20 grams of carbs per day, and the carbs you do eat should come from vegetables...they dont suggest you introducing fruit or any grains until after the 14 day induction phase.

I did this diet once after my first was born and lost thirty pounds. the firs 10 to 15 came off in the first two "Induction" weeks...after that I only ate carbs in moderation and kept to a diet of fruits vegetables and lean meats. I stayed at a steady weight that I was happy with for two or three years...then I dont know what the hell happened.

Ive been trying to fit exercise into my daily regime and I am just so not into it, I like to walk and ride my bike but when it comes to intense cardio and calisthenics im am so not into it...

I tried and did the first day of the "4 weeks to a bikini body" in the recent Shape magazine yesterday, and let me tell you today my ass and hamstrings are on fire!! but thats a good thing right?? I worked my triceps out as well but they dont hurt..for some reason my arms are pretty well sculpted. Even my brother in Texas mentioned that to me a few weeks ago. The conversation went some thing like this...

Me: "I need to lose weight"
Him: "Not really, when I hugged you at Christmas you were suprisingly had a hard body. It just looks fat cause your short, but actually you have more muscle than the average girl"

Thanks man. I think.

Well I better run...I think today I will have some fried eggs and turkey sausage for breakfast...no toast, no potatoes. Wish me luck...and encouragement I really need it.

I tried on clothes al Wally World over the weekend. Number one let me just say incase youre not aware Wally World clothing SUCKS! I was looking for a decent tshirt or tank top all of which were ill fitting and out of shape and grotesque...AND I look like a cow right now so that didnt help!!

I explained to Buster that we need to take a cruise on down to Port Huron so I can hit Aeropostale and American Eagle, but apparently I need to collect a lot more pop/beer cans to raise gas money for the trip...

I think I make park my fat little half mexican ass in front of the local Wally World withsome really dark big sunglasses on, with an accorrdian and a bucket for donations. If the fact that I cant play a tune doesnt reach in and grab anyones pity, maybe looking like im blind will...Whose with me on this...I should be able to raise sufficient gas funds in about 8 to sixteen hours...the way I figure it...

Adios Amigos!

Concert Madness

2007-05-14T05:47:00.000-07:00

Went to a concert with Buster's parents Friday night..It was a Country Concert at Caro High School. The dude performing was named Johnny Counterfeit. You can check him out here: www.counterfit.com/

Anyways it was a hoot! Most in attendance were elderly people and Developmentally Disabled people. Dont get me wrong when I tell you about this because I love me some Disabled people, they are special, but so damn Funny! I think the reason it was as fun as I thought it was is because of all those people sitting around us....

I sooo wish I could be more like them the performer would tell jokes and they would laugh their asses off, even if it really wasnt funny. And im pretty sure they didnt even understand some of the jokes.

For Example:
"What is the best form of birth control"

punchline: "Nudity"

OH! they were laughing their asses off rolling on the floor!

During intermission a young girl with Downs Syndrome (bless her heart) came up to me and said "I'm 17"...I said "Oh thats really nice..how old do you think I am?" and she thought long and hard then finally said "Youre 17 too!" I told her no, but Thanks anyway.

All in all it was a good night. Even though there were 6 people that went and I was stuck in the back of a mini an WITHOUT a third row seat..good thing it was only a half hour ride!

Memoirs of a Field Trip Chaperone

2007-05-11T07:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went with my kid and the whole second grade to The Octagon Barn in Gagetown. Another parent and I rode together. These 3 were the kids I were to watch for the day to make sure they didnt feed each other to the pigs, or have a limb chopped off by leaning over the rails on the hayride, or having a hand removed by a bean sorter. All of which were close calls let me tell ya! Phew I had my hands full...the boy has ADHD and some other hyperactive disorder and I swear to God he thinks about 100 different things at the same time...he came like 3 inces from falling 12 feet down in the barn! He wasnt supposed to be in my group..I just kind of adopted him because when they assigned groups he was put in his own with a Special Ed teacher. To which he did NOT like well. He actually threw a fit til I told him he could be in our group and he said the sweetest thing to me "Mrs. Jones..I like you, your nice....when you gonna come over and take me on that bike ride you promised?" He goes from pissing rotten angry to sweet in 0 to 10 seconds...Dont let the sweet look fool you!

The kids got to sit in an actual one room schoolhouse, learn how rope is made, learn how to use a corn shucking machine, you know stuff that will come in handy once their in college. But it was fun and interesting anyway...

Luckily I drove myself cause I guess on the busride back to the school someone puked on the bus! Go figure...dosent that ALWAYS happen? Then the poor kid gets dubbed as "Pukey" and "Upchuck" and other names all the way into high school. I guess her chance for running for Homecoming Queen just ended on 5-10-07...oh well, no wonder why when passing the school bus on my way back I noticed a peculiar thing. All the children were actually sitting in their seats with their little faces all pressed up against the windows looking so sad...I wondered WTH was up with that...til my kid informed me when she got home.

Well I gotta run got shit to prepare for for the Mothers Day Banquet tomorrow, I have to make dresses for a fashion show, and Im actually singing too..I will let you know how that ordeal turns out..wish me luck...

Till next time..dont do anything I wouldnt do, and if you do dont name it after me!

Sweet Torture, pulling me apart one hair at a time.

2007-05-09T06:11:00.000-07:00

So much CRAP right now I may explode into a sloppy mess of internal organs and salsa...right here on my living room floor!

You may or may not know about the assload of shitmail I have been getting on myspace...52 last night, and already over 100 new friend requests and messages..not to mention that you have to delete all the krunk from your personal inbox also....damn....I might have to start a new account...

AND I never got to attempt my wheelie performance last night, sudden change of plans when Buster got home he decided to yank his gals from the fiery depths of our small home to take us to a peaceful, serene fishing hole...with LOTS of frogs, bullfrogs to be exact, in exsisitence. And my dumb ass didnt take a camera. DANG! there could have been a ton on nice pics on here today...

Speaking of today, BTW it is and will remain Thunderstormy all day and probably all night...poop.

AND Im a tad on the nervous side because Ourfriend Tom decided that he wanted to take BRB home for the night, see he only lives 3 miles from here. But it makes me nervous cause its mostly backroads...and I dont know if the ole Slut can handle all those rocks, pebbles, roadkill, beercans and other debris that my pop up out of nowhere in the middle of the night...Why? Do you ask did he want to take BRB last night? Well I will tell you because he thought it would be fun...
I asked him if it would be fun to have a size 7 and a half in his rear too...He said honestly.."well no" and I said "Good, cause if she dont come home the way she left here thats what'll happen" among other tortures I will not list here.

Sorry, call me overprotective, its just my nature. Maybe because I'm the eldest of Three half mexican children, or could be cause im a wife and mother of to one quartermexican children...dunno.

Could be that im just physco......nnaaaah!

Well take care...
Your Mexicanconnection
Buenos Dias y Adios Amigos!

The Case Of Busters Missing Beard

2007-05-08T07:39:00.000-07:00

Well..not really but the title sounded good right?

Well Buster shaved the other day, and I told him that evening that I missed his beard...To which he replied, "If you go look on the bathroom sink, you can probably still see half of it"

EEww!

But true. Men...cant live with em, and you cant kill em. Wait. Oh forget it ;-)

Later Hos (Thanks to Jamie Dawn on the spelling of that one)

My Offspring...they are kind of cute huh?

2007-05-07T05:28:00.000-07:00

Im glad I DIDNT eat them at birth!!! They come in kind of handy when I need a glass of pop or for some one to find the remote, or answer the door...you know the same kinda shit we were all made to do when we were little...cept we didnt have remote controls for the television back then.

My new Ride!

2007-05-07T05:20:00.000-07:00

Well I got a new bike...I guess you can say its not new, but it is to me. See My kid and I like to go for walks and usually she will ride her bike while I walk...but not until this weekend. My SIL gave me a bike she was going to put in her garage sale and Buster fixed its front tube yesterday and now Its GO TIME!! You Betchya!

I posted twice today!! woo hoo

2007-05-03T12:51:00.000-07:00

Sorry I copied this from my space blog, but like I said I cant get these damn lyrics out of my head today...

Blue jean baby,
L.A. lady,
seamstress for the bandPretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music manBallerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sandAnd now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my handJesus freaks out in the streetHanding tickets out for GodTurning back she just laughsThe boulevard is not that badPiano man he makes his standIn the auditoriumLooking on she sings the songsThe words she knows, the tune she humsBut oh how it feels so realLying here with no one nearOnly you and you can't hear meWhen I say softly, slowlyHold me closer tiny dancerCount the headlights on the highwayLay me down in sheets of linenyou had a busy day todayBlue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the bandPretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music manBallerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sandAnd now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

444 & ANOTHER dream

2007-05-03T07:20:00.000-07:00

For the past couple of years, I've noticed the time 4:44 coming up so much that its intensely strange...I will wake up at 4:44 in the am like twice a week, for some reason almost every day I look at the clock in the afternoon and it 4:44, like I said for the last couple of years...SO yesterday I Googled it. And you can do so as well if you like...I got a few different answers to the reason why this number keeps appearing to me..one is that angels are letting me know that they are with me..another says that MY angels or spirit guide is trying to tell me "NO"....

NO to what? This is what really confuses the shit out of me...NO to the brand of toilet paper I use?...."NO" to the fact that I dont have a job?...."NO" to the relationship im in??? I mean WTF now im even more confused...so I typed in my birthday for a numerology reading (11-9-75) and I got a series of numbers that supposedly represent me and my life path etc...what was the first number you ask? 4! then there was a bunch of 6's and 1's...yup 4...I dunno Im going to research it a little more because I think theres more to it. It kinda scares though cause when you look at 444 on a digital clock it looks like three little pitchforks....I know im a freak, so sue me.

Last night was one of the worst nightmares of all times I dreamt that me and Buster and my inlaws and the 2 year old were in a roll over accident due to a truck in front of us losing a milkcrate on the freeway...it was one of those you can feel every move, hear every scream and smell every smell dreams....I hate those. I should have been knocked on my ass cold due to the fact that I tool 2 valiums and a hot shower last night because of some major stress and anxiety. But NOOOO it takes a horses dose of drugs to do that to me.....I so need to lose weight.

And as I sit here on my fat ass at ten in the morning, still not dressed with groceries and dishes to put away from last night....I think to myself, I so need to lose weight. I will do it! It is just so much harder for some reason this year. Maybe cause its May and still feels like February half the time in Michigan!!! Damn I hate this state.

Well folks by bladder is full, I need to pee and the 2 year old is bitching for something to eat, so Im gonna go and pop a squat under one of the maples out back with my sling shot and as im pissing I will kill us a squirrell for breakfast, wish me luck and happy hunting ;-)

What does it mean to be "happy"

2007-04-30T14:59:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine asked me today if I was happy...well my reply was "fairly". I think the definition of happines is different from person to person. For instance, I know of people who find their "hapiness" in various different things such as cigarettes, marijuiwanna, shopping, having/spending money, or my favorite, which I try to practice is happiness in The Lord. Christianity, pure living.

It is soooo hard to try to achieve happiness in ANYTHING unless you have help. For some, its a drinking partner, or a dope partner, or a shopping partner. I have a hard time because my house is like im the only one trying to find happiness in this area, cause I am the only one really trying to live that way right now.

I have my friends and my church family, but not much else. I've learned not to trust in any man (or woman) so that may be why I dont have too many friends right now. The way I look at it, the people who are in my life right now..at this immediate moment are the ones that are supposed to be there. And I try to find my happiness in knowing that...

I want to know what everyone elses definition of "happiness" is.....any takers?

Yea im a little depressed today, bear with me..its that time of month ;-)

The 411 on our Illinois trip...

2007-04-26T14:26:00.000-07:00

Well let me first start by telling you....THAT WAS ONE HELLUVA DRIVE! And I didnt even do the driving! The dumbest thing was that we went through Chicage I90 during Rush Hour on Monday...anyone who has been there can tell you that was a BIG mistake!! ten miles took about an hour..if not more...By the time we got to the hotel around 5 Rockermom time, we were bushed!!!

We cruised the area and found the company that would be Busters interview in the morning and then went to dinner at Bennigans...which was AWESOME, or as Buster put it "I could eat the asshole of a horse right now and it would taste good"...

Went back to the hotel and discovered I had only packed black panties and would be wearing white dress pants the next day..so we took a trip to a Mexican Sears...I swear to God..only Mexicans shopping there and only Mexicans working there....I fit in right nice :-)

This small town of Fox River Valley was situated as the name implies, right on the Fox River..very hilly, very pretty, and pretty much SNOBBY looking...I mean no wonder thier divorce rate is only 3 percent they had the biggest Lovers Lane store I had ever seen AND their very own Plastic Surgery Clinic...which you KNOW is mandatory in a town with a population of 12,000!!!! Now I thought to myself...if we move here and Buster gets bustin his balls and rollin in some real dough...would I have my nose, ass or boobs done first???

After the purchase of my new draws..we went back to the room and I decided it was finally time to hem the damn pants..this time for real. I forgot my sewing kit in the car and reluctantly went to retrieve it...on the way back up the stairs, I think I was being hit on by a 50-ish looking man lugging a suitcase full of ice cold Budweisers up the stairs..I tried and did keep our conversation short and graciously accepted the ice cold cerveca he offered me...then went up and hemmed my damn pants...

got up at 6 the next morining..the interview was scheduled for 8:30, we arrived at about 8:15 and met the president and ceo, and his right hand man..a 30 year old guy named Jason...who by the way were VERY nice and professional people. CEO Jim explained that Buster would need to fill out paperwork and as he did so I could wait right next to him in the room and look through some of the emails he weekly sent his employees..

Buster had to take a test and we were in the damn room for like 2 hours..I looked through endless emails and literature pertaining to his company functions. Lets see at last years Christmas parties ( and the previous 2 years) he gave a raffle and about 3 employees won 1000 cash and 3 others won 500 cash, on top of Bose stereos Gift Certificates for Day Spas, and The Grand prize was a trip for 2 all paid to the Bahamas...keep in mind that there are maybe 30 people employed there...oh yeah all the employees kids get to submit a Santa request before hand cause he was gonna show up at the party...for ANYTHING they want! Lets see each employee gets to stay at the 1300 square foot "cabin" on the lake up north that the company owns..supplied with boats, tackle and 600 dollars cash for anything else you need..for a whole week..with PAY, they are allowed to take up to 7 peoplewith them friends family or whatever..so as I sat there reading all this I decided this would be an AWESOME place to work...after breakfast we really were thinking otherwise...

In order for Buster to work in the state of Illinois as a lisenced plumber, he would only be given one chance to take the state exam..if he failed it he would have to finish like 4 years apprenticeshep before he could retake the exam...and folks..aprenticesses dont make squat more than he is making right now...AND the cost of living is like double over there..im sure youre all aware...

SO it was basically up to us whether or not we wanted to risk it all and move over there..IF he failed the test we'd be screwed so we decided not to take the job.

The trip on the way back was a real TRIP..we again hit chicago Tuesday during rush hour, and detoured downtown to catch some dinner and some sights...I screamed like a little fucking kid at one point cause I thought Buster was gonna crash us into a concrete wall...im so embarrassed, he was entering an undergroung parking garage, and well my vision isnt what it used to be and everything blended all together...you know you can take the girl out of the cornfield but you cant take the well ya know the rest...

Now I do have a few more street smarts than Buster being from the hood (detroit) and all but that was like 18 years ago...We walked like 40 blocks (it seemed ) to get to the dumb ass Hard Rock Cafe to be sadly dissapointed in an overrated little restaurant. I would much rather eat at the Forester Inn...she gave us menus and there was NOOOway I was gonna pay 25.00 for a dinner or 11.00 for a sandwich. I wanted some real authentic sloppy greasy Chicago food. After we came out of the damn place a Black guy immediately attacked Busters feet with a damn brush and some Kiwi shine...and we kept walking the motha fucka followed us no matter, He said "Buster I can sees u a honest mans, and I tell u what. If I can guess how many kids yo daddy had u get this shoe shine fo free, an iffen I kaent, u pay me 8 dollas a shoe...I tell u yo Daddy aint had no kids...Yo MOMMA had them...now gimme the money cmon cmon" I whispered to buster "YOU ONLY HAVE TWO DOLLARS" *hint hint* he didnt get it...he gave the brotha a 10 spot in shic he gladly accepted and then he hailed us a cab (the homey)..In the cab I was kinda pissed about the deal, but Buster honestly didnt know...

SOO we made it to South Bend Indiana where we slept in a crack hotel.it only cost 35 bucks but we were sotired we didnt care. I took a luke warm shower and there was little black curly hairs all bundled up in the corner of the shower floor...again too tired to care so we basically slept on top of the sheets til 10 minutes til checkout time...

Headed for Cornfield County after we stopped at KFC for lunch...and lo and behold if the ole Reno, I mean Michigan 911 didnt pull us over...and guess what for ? Cause we had a damn air freshener in the rearview and THATS illegal in Michigan, then they asked where we were coming from and we told them Chicago, so of course they made us both get out and crevice searched the car for drugs..I shit you not they told us this cause a lot of times people got Chicago to get their drugs, I wanted to tell them that Ileft my crack pipe at home that day, but then again I learned the hard way that state boys have NO sense of fucking humor...I learned this long ago..thats a whole nother blog which I will save for another day....no tickets to warnings. I think it helped that I was reading my Bible when both troopers came to each door and asked us to step out...I was right in the middle of the "Last Supper" dammit...and u wanna know something really fucked up? Ill be damned if they didnt thumb through them Bible pages to see if there was a sheet of acid or some shit in them...they checked every crack of the car but didnt open the laptop...I coulda hidden at least 20 sheets of acid in THERE!!! Maybe they were just bored.....

Well I hope I didnt Bore you all too much but anyhoo...thats the 411 on our Chicago trip...BTW Portelli's has the cheapest and best and sloppiest hot dogs in chicago....loaded YUM!!! With a Corona of course ;-)

Took those damn bottles and Cans Back!

2007-04-20T18:27:00.000-07:00

BUT it paid off..I was able to get my brown strappy wedge heeled sandals (needed for husbands interview that I must Goto in Chicago next week) a new shirt to go with the new white pants from last year that I STILL havent hemmed yet, AND stuff to complete my Bulgarian shadowbox for the church which I will be happily presenting them with tomorrow! I hope they like it...Buster and Offspring 1 thinks its great..so if they like it, it must be good! If I had a digital camera (here I go again) I would take a pic of it to share with you all...take care, Have a Great Weekend as I may not blog or even get online till we get to our hotel in Illinois on Monday!! Wish us luck!!

Love
Halfmexicanmama
aka-Jill, Jillybear,the Jillmeister ;-)

Dreams, Chores and more...:-)

2007-04-20T04:57:00.000-07:00

OMG I had an AWFUL dream last night...in between the 2 hours of sleep I think I actually got...damn my muscles are still not used to this excercise crap...anyhoo, I dreamt me and Hoesby were gonna meet around the airport in Chicago for a visit, she would drive from MN and I leaving MI at the appropriate time should meet up with her sometime in the early afternoon. SUPOSSEDLY (dont know if i spelled that right,dont care u know what im trying to say) we made all the arrangements via email the previous day and it was all set. I got up that morning and went about my usual routine of bitching at the kids, going potty, brusing hair, making coffee etc...the day wore on and nothing was unusual until I got a call from Mr. Shaky around 5 or 6 that evening, he said "Jill, where are you" and I replied "Home, where are you" he wasnt amused but I could tell in his voice he was VERY pissed off. He said "Hoesby went all the way to Detroit and tried to go all the way to the homeland,she called me CRYING her butt off cause YOU didnt show up in Chicago!" I swear I had no Idea what he was talking about, he pretty much told me I was full of dogshit cause he was looking right at her emails from yesterday and I agreed to the little trip..just never showed up.

As I tried to check me Inbox and Outbox my dumb ISP kept giving me error messages and honestly for the life of me I dod not remember making plans...didnt matter all I could think about was my BFF Crackwhore Buddy crying her ass off and turning around in Detroit to head back to MN...she wouldnt answer my cell calls either...knowing that I just lost a BFF Hoe for life I think I actually cried in my sleep last night...then I woke up and was SO relieved to know it was a dream...I had to actually ponder it for a minute and was really tempted to get up and check my email..

Oh I love you my BFF Crackwhore...and I will never stand you up.

If I do, please dont shun me for life, or cut my boobies off..
were all human and all make mistakes. I think what the dumb dream actually simulated my subconcious thoughts...my trip to Chicago next week (in 3 days) and my want/need to see my Crackwhore Homegirl...the mind is a terrible thing to waste boys and girls and mine is wasting away by the millisecond,

WARNING : DONT DO DRUGS NEVER EVER EVER! not even the kind that come in the pretty shiny brown bottles...notice prescription drugs and beer and cocaine all tend to come in some type of brown bottle ( I dont do any drugs by the way im just very streetwise boys and girls, i'll drop for u right now to prove it)

On another note..we got the girls new bikes last night...which was fun, Buster is 6 ft. tall and took off down the street on a 7 year old girls bike purple streamers and all flapping in the wind behind him...I sooo cant wait to get a digital camera!! I am missing so many damn moments! It took me long enough to get this laptop so I figure if I play my cards right I can have one by the time im 40.

Things I must accomplish today:
Im really only typing this as also a reminder to myself. From here till Monday is busy busy BUSY!

1. Balance Checkbook

2. Gather all unwanted clothing and food items for Brother Hicks, who is a missionary to the homeless in Detroit, he is coming on Wednesday which i'll be gone still so I have to get this stuff to the chuch tomorrow when I go to help clean it.

3.Goto scrapbook store and get shit for my Bulgarian Shadowbox for the church which I must have finished by this Sunday. Tired of waiting for Aquaintence Friend Karen to help me.

4. Take all bottles and cans to WalFart that are beginning to take over my backroom. I should have enough there to treat myself to a new bra or them strappy brown wedge heeled sandals I was caught eyeballin last night. Hell I might even have enough left over for a haircut too. Im guessing there is 20 to 30.00 back there.

5. Hem my new white pants I bought last year. I still havent removed the tag off em or hemmed them yet but I need them for the trip...

6. Wash all bedding and any laundry. Sounds easy but I have to haul my shit to the laundr-o-mat, as there is no washer dryer hook up in our west side rental shack...

And that about sums it up!

Spring is coming cause Moose A. Moose said so!

2007-04-19T05:01:00.000-07:00

Yup...I heard it for myself this morning, and I am not hung over today. I just took O#1 to school and came back (satellite got fixy by Mr. Unlce Brian last nite) I turned on Noggin which is me and O#2's morning ritual and a wonderful masculinely/yet womanly voice chorused the following:

"Rest assured you know its true, Spring is coming just for you..."

So there. NOW I know it will warm up soon cause Moose A. Moose dont lie, or talk shit...cause he's not in the Shit business he works for Noggin, and has a very affluent career therein....

Ahem...."Goodbye Sanjaya, Good riddance too, we no longer have to look at your freakin doo."

(Iwrote that myself) thinking a little about experimenting with some poetry writing these days. Let me know what you think.

Speaking of talents...Buster made his own funny last night as he was helping himself to dinner. He said "Hey, guess why you dont own a watch?" I could tell he was trying to make a joke so of course I said "Why, why Buster dont I own a watch?" and he replied (drumroll please) "Cause I put a clock on the stove for you." I had to give it to him..that was kinda funny..he's been listening and watching a lot of Rodney Carrington these days (dont even get me started on that) who is by far the biggest wife basher out there. Makes me wonder if he even has a wife cause if he were my husband there would be no way on Gods green earth I would let him get up there and talk about me that way...

Well Im gonna snooze now cause I was sleeping so good before I had to get up and take a certain 7 year old to school...O2 is snoozing on the couch with a blanket and a good episode of Pinky Dinky Doo.....

I may have babbled about this shit b4

2007-04-18T10:01:00.000-07:00

Soo went for that 2 or 3 mile walk last night with my personal trainer..who happens to be 7 years old and ridin a bike with a lisence plate with her name on it. But she kept me going by sayin things like "c'mon Mom pick up the pace..your slacking now..lets get rid of that flab momma" but you know what ? I LOVED it..thats what i need some good old fashoined motivation. So shes my work out buddy now....
Then I came home and my freakin satellite was out all day, i got the motha f**ka to work BUT u can only watch what is scheduled to record...i mean NO live tv what soever..I called dish network and they want 99 dollars to send a tech out..I told them politely "well im not on a fuckin contract and i can switch toDirect tv or at and t for FREE...then they said well we can reduce it to 29 dollars but thats as low as we can go...I pay 70.00 a month for SATTELITE service...they are making a frekin fortune off all our dumb asses...what does it cost to put a damn satelllite into orbit? a couple million? they make that in a month...IN PROFIT..I know I used to work for a cellphone provider for 8 years, after the initial investment thers almost nothing to pay for...enough about that. I could go on for hours.

American Idol last night was pretty good, im a fan of country music not a BIG fan but a fan...particularly of last nights mentor Martina McBride..Phil kicked ass with his Keith Urban song choice, but Jordin trying to sing Martina's Broken Wing about had me sharting in my seat! U cant no matter how hard u try duplicate Martina..she sang that song soooo WEAK..the song is about a wife putting up with an abusive husband and how she gets out of the relationship blahblahbla...soooo I say the girl is 17...how the hell can she sing THAT...I extremely believe that you have to sing from the heart like u know maybe experience the shit or something...im sure at 17 she hasnt taken the stupid plunge yet...or yet alone been in an abusive relationship so what the fuck does she know what shes singin about???

I am trying not to have such a potty mouth last more, but I was a bad sinner and dipped into Grandpa Dans cough syrup last night a little too much and stayed up til about 5 am...something I SWORE I would not do again..but it was there..It wa smy bad decision..at least I didnt like streak through the house like SOMEONE I know, or flash anyone or piss on the floor in front of people...I was a contained drunk, I downloaded a bunch of music and talked half the night to Karen..she's an aquaintence of mine..see I dont have any real "friends" around here..I cant trust none of the motherfucking crackwhores in this town..there all a bunch of lying, two faced, fuck with your husband types...therfore I trust no woman..and I mean NONE..learned my lesson with all that...there are very few I can trust and theywill probably be the only ones that read this....

OMG im watching the recording of AI from last night and I didnt make it far enough to see Blake sing the song Blue which is another of my favs i LIKE him and this song..dammit and i only voted for Phil...Im so fucking stupid...Ive already swore like a sailor so I may as well make the most of if...I will repent tonight..believe you me!

Anywho..Im gonna call this shit a rap now...dont do anything I wouldnt do and if you do make sure you put chocolate syrup on it first...

I AM going to start an exercise regime!!

2007-04-17T06:27:00.000-07:00

This year has een EXTREMELY hard for me for some reason when it comes to "eating right" and exsercise...Now just like 90 percent of the rest of the country my lame ass New years resolution is "to lose weight"...the past couple of years has been successful, but this year is HORRIBLE...I dont know why I dont "Just Do It"...I dont know why I grab that greasy ass bag of chips, I dont know why I lay my lazy ass on the couch when I should be up and doing SOMETHING!!! Well Ive decided that today is the start of my getting in shape plan..Why? I will list a few reasons for you...

1. My boobs are starting to point to the floor.

2. I get tired easily.

3. I want to fit into last years cute little summer clothes that I spent so much money on.

4. I want to be able to play outside and keep up with my kids, instead of walking a half a mile and wanting to take a nap.

5. My boobs are starting to point to the floor.

6. Self Confidence.

7. Health reasons.

AND 8. My boobs are STARTING TO POINT TO THE FLOOR!!!

So im jumping on the wagon today! And no one is going to stop me!!!

Todays Myspace blog post..enjoy

2007-04-12T10:55:00.000-07:00

Current mood: cranky Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
Buh Bye Haley from American Idol...
You were never a fav of mine, you had a few so-so performances but I cant even recall what they were...Im sure you will succeed in your future endeavors. Just goes to show that next time you dont need to be so revealing, look where it got ya now...
But you got to meet some really cool people and stay in Hollywood for a while..thats a whole buttload more than I can say for myself is this piss-poor little town...but I dont have pity parties for myself on Thursdays..I save those for Saturday nights when the real Pitiful ones are looking to party tee-hee...take it how you want, I really dont care. The people who really know me know how to take me...
Again, Till next time take care of yourselves, and each other....(compliments of Mr. Gerald Springer)

I just ate a taco for breakfast....

2007-04-11T06:02:00.000-07:00

I am a firm believer that foods should NOT be labeled "Breakfast" foods or "Lunch" foods or "Dinner/Supperwhatever you wanna call it foods" My belief is to eat what you want WHEN you want. Im not a big "Breakfast" food person...unless in comes on an english muffin from a drive thru, along with a greasy sloppy order of hash browns...

Now im having an extremely hard time staying on a diet...Its not so much a diet but a healthier way of eating...Its as hard as quitting smoking or quitting alcohol, I should know I have been struggling with both for years!

I fear for my children, I was never brought up to eat healthy it was a free for all in my ouse...living with a single parent (Dad only) it was A LOT of take out, or sitting in the bar Friday and Saturday night and eating whatever greasy special was on the menu that night..so I try to instill some type of healthy eating habits in my kids...you know NO soda (very rarely and usually I give them diet if at all)...I TRY to limit their sugar...which is a HUGE area that Grandmas and Granpas should be more supportive in...

I guess all I can do now is try to better their habits and hope for the best!....maybe I just should have ate them at birth :-)

Just for the record...

2007-04-11T05:58:00.000-07:00

I do not agree with my dog butt post...I think it is wrong, however peculiarly interesting.

Jesus image on Dogs butt...

2007-04-10T06:56:00.000-07:00

not pasting for some reason if u didnt see it goto www.myspace.com/jilliancrimson

THINGS aren't always what they seem..

2007-04-09T20:32:00.000-07:00

Things arent always what they seem. When you think you know somebody or someone, it's not what is always perceptive to others...sometimes people dissapoint you in a way that you may not seem to be forgiving, but yet your christianity and your God tells you to forgive them..in your heart and mind you must do this to obey the Lord..but you dont always want to or feel that you should. But then when you take a good look at yourself and where youve been youwould want someone to do the same for you. We dont like being put into these situations but because of God ther is his plan for all of us...Forgive each other as I have forgiven you..and that is what I am trying to do inmy life inmore than one situation right now...

Wal Fart Sucks!

2007-04-05T19:14:00.001-07:00

Wal Fart Sucks!
Okay so i took the girls to Wal Mart today..they needed hair cuts, shoes tights and new dresses for Easter sunday....I probably should have went to the mall cause I spent over 100 dollars (The "haircuts" alone were 30) When the hell did they start charging 20 bucks to cut a 7 year olds hair....and "do I want it BLOW DRIED" DDDUUHHH! Its 26 degrees out...u want me to call Child Protective services on myself or are u gonna do it when I leave here? sheesh!! But all in all not too bad a day...snowed like a mutha here which is really sad cause Erins on Spring Break and shes really bummed...so am i thinkin she would be out riding her bike every day...not happening instead she and the little nieghbor boy have been holed up in here playing PS2...im getting used to him being a fixture around here these days...goofy lookin kid but nice enough..i think he is just bored and theres no other kids around here to play with...
Peace Out

Hygiene (from Myspace blog)

2007-04-05T10:36:00.000-07:00

There should be a category called hygiene...I know its not important to some people, politics, animal and blogging and music are all REALLY IMPORTANT crap but hygiene isnt???
I have a few thoughts today on my newly discovered My Space subject category.
1. I NEED to get in the damn shower while my daughter naps. If I dont she will come into the bathroom while i'm in the shower and scare the hell out of me! Ill be showering along enjoying the hot water, steam and fruity frangrances all around me when lo and behold, the curtain slams wide open and a two foot naked person is standing there looking at me with puppy dog eyes saying "c'mon mumma, it will be fun to rain together". How can I say no to that....but damn I really wanted a peaceful private shower.
2. Pooping...i think this falls in the category of hygiene...if it dont then it should..I enjoy peace and quiet while performing this ritual..but do you think that happens round here? NOPE...while on the pot usually with a nice book or magazine EVERYONE in the house has to suddenly poop too...or brush their teeth, or pee, or needs a band aid or a q tip, or suddenly wants to retrieve that stupid toy that got dropped/thrown behind the toilet two days ago. OR someone might just wanna shave, or a kid brings me the phone cuz whoever it is just cant WAIT FOR ME TO GET OFF THE PISSER!!!
3. More people should brush their teeth more often. This I am very very serious about. I understand that the "older" generation may not have had the dental services that we take for granted because they were either way too expensive or their parents just didnt give a damn about their teeth. But when im sitting down wind from someone at church, or at a restaurant and I get a whiff like dead animal crawled in there and died it makes ME want to!!! Or you see a person who really loves to smile but has about 2 years worth of tartar build up and its just starting to turn pistachio green, makes ya just want to hand em a damn tooth brush.
Well there you have it ladies and gentleman, Jills 3 biggest Hygiene concerns...showering, use of the potty, and brushing yo grill...
until next time take care of yourselves, and each other
(as quoted by the man himself mr. jerry springer)
Currently listening : Martina By Martina McBride Release date: By 30 September, 2003

I think im getting OLD

2007-04-04T06:03:00.000-07:00

okay...everyone ages. its a common thing people are born and only one thing is for sure. You will some day some time die. Im 31...I dont think that is very old yet I dont think that is too young either. Its at this point in my life where I begin to wonder whether or not I made the right choices about certain things...I think for the most part I did not. I never got a college degree, I never travelled or saw different cultures before I "settled down and got married" and then I had children...now im a stay at home mom.

I dont regret any of my choices but yet it somehow saddens me to wonder whether or not they were the right choices..Im mainly writing this so im not holding it all in nobody (except for by one little buddy) reads this anyway...

I believe that God has a perfect plan for each and everyone of hischildren and this is his plan for me...had i done things differently i wouldnt have the beautiful children I have right this minute. I think He put them here to teach ME something...growing up in a single parent household and losing the only mother-figure you ever had when you were only 11 years old leaves a lot of discovery for a young girl.

Discovery on how learning how and what ladies are really supposed to do and be. In this area I think my self teaching has really failed me...but bitching about it now will get me nil...

So I try to stay positive and as happy as I can for my children...I really think finding a job will help me a lot, I wont have time to sit and think about stupid shit like this....maybe tomorrow i will have something more entertaining to talk about...maybe later today I dont know right now..

Everything's Still

2007-04-02T08:33:00.000-07:00

It's really strange right now, in my life everything is just at a complete stand still...Except of course for the kids growth, menstruation, the toilet water well u get the picture...I still havent got a job yet, although I did get a letter in the mail Saturday stating that they are NOT gong to hire me for the Secretarial position at SCCMH, BUT my resume is very impressive so they are gonna retain in for 6 months just in case a job closr to my qualifications pops up...

At least Buster is back to work after a small layoff..but im really bummin cause I wanna go SHOPPING. Not grocery shopping or paper products shopping! I mean shoes, jeans, summer clothes, and jewelry. I have absolutely NO ankle bracelets for this summer come to think of it I dont have much jewelry left at all...

Still...everythings still...its always the still that brings on a storm, and after the last 2 years I am NOT ready foranother storm...some of u know what I mean...

I think I'll check into some internet based work from home self employed be your own boss business opportunities now...

Later
Peeps Im outtie

Smorgasboard Breakfast

2007-03-31T10:37:00.000-07:00

Well my beautiful offspring let me sleep in this morning, and Buster too of course...How nice?

When we got up around ten, O#2 was running around naked as a jay bird on crack..they ate about ten little debbie oatmeal cream pies for breakfast and a whole box of cocaine snacks (i mean fruit snacks) and probably a little coca cola thrown in for good measure...

The house looked like we had just experienced a B & E, and O#1 answered a call on the phone which happened to be someguy wanting to know if we still had chicken nesters for sale...?WTF? When Buster politely told the dude he had the wrong number he gave Buster a crapload of smack for letting a little girl answer the phone...

Dear Anonomous Caller:
Thank You for your sincere interest in the chicken nesters that we have never owned..sorry we could not be more efficient to your needs. In the future should you place a call to the wrong number, politely say that you are very sorry, and HANG THE F*** UP! It is none of your business as to the wrong upbringing that we are raising our children in. Kids will be Kids!!!

Shove it up your tight butt!
Love,
Mrs. J

FYI
My kids DO know that

#1 they should not scamper through the house naked EVER!

#2 they are NOT to answer the telephone or cell phone NO MATTER WHAT! (O1 just happened to forget that little rule today,i'll forgive her since she was high)

#3they should never ever ever answer the door for anyone, even if they know that person
(o1 let Papa in last week while Buster and I were in the shower...need I say more?)

#4they should never talk to strangers, even especially if the dude resembles Jesus....

They know a lot of other crap too...but they're kids, and im gonna love the hell out of their loud little misbehaving asses while they still are...

Peace Out
Bee-ach's

Turd Dropper in Da House!

2007-03-30T20:57:00.000-07:00

O#2 is still potty training...weve got the peeing in the pot thing down (somewhat) but she will NOT poop on the pot!

This is soooo frustrating especially since she chooses to excrete presicesly at SUPPERTIME every day!!

Well at least it helps the dieting...there goes my appetite.

Today she was standing in the doorway between the living and dining room and said "uh oh mumma" I looked down and there was a brown golf ball sized turd laying on my berber...

So Frustrating....

Ive tried coaxing, offering gum and chocolate if she poops on the pot, tried sinking the cheerios and shes not falling for any of it.

Once when my sister had the same problem...my dad put her on a bunch of newspaper scattered all over the floor, with her mess scattered around her for about 4 hours...she never shit herself again after that...

Too harsh???

Spring Break

2007-03-30T09:09:00.000-07:00

TGIF Current mood: creative Category: Life
? good morning peeps! I just got back from taking Offspring #1 to school...its her last day b4 spring break! Remember when that used to actually be a FUN time in your life??for some of you it probaly still is, i imagine the next "Spring Break" ill probably take is when the kids are moved out, cause i might actually have money then, my boobs may need a wheelchair of their own by then cause when i actually get monetary funds for the trip ill probably be about 80 years old...i will need to find transportation for my extra colostomy bag as well...you know maybe one of those little side cars next to the wheelchair, the kind like bikers use. Cause I want a custom made extra large extra heavy duty colostomy bag, that way im not worried about leaks or having to change it all the time, plus it will be handy considering i may try to finally break my Kegstand record too...AND I can jump on the wheel chair(ill just have to stuff the boobs under my ass or tie them in a knot) and just stroll down the boardwalk to all the hot clubs if i get too drunk...it will make flashing all the more easier too having my tits in the chair next to me..i should have room in my side chair for all the beads ill be getting, maybe for some souveniers too...im thinkin Daytona beach??? any sugguestion???

Later Chumps!

I have my moments...

2007-03-30T05:47:00.000-07:00

I used to blog many moons ago...then the wrong people (co workers, family, etc..) got a hold of it and whammo! Kinda put the kiboshes on alotta shit...Im hoping only the right peeps will have access this time...Im just a regular sometimes not right in the head type gal...i have my moments like anyone else of humor, bitchiness, depression, anxiety blah blah blah...im starting a whole new chapter in this thing called life...just dodged a near divorce last year to my husbabd of 10 years...i will refer to him as "Knucklebuster" or just plain "Buster" from here on out as that is what he does for a living...the fruit of my loins will be refferred to as Offspring #1 and Offspring #2 or just o#1 or o#2 to protect their innocent privacy...they are girls ages 2 and 7..i may put pics on time to time...i dunno (in a Dustin Hoffman Rainmantype manner)