The 411 on our Illinois trip...

Well let me first start by telling you....THAT WAS ONE HELLUVA DRIVE! And I didnt even do the driving! The dumbest thing was that we went through Chicage I90 during Rush Hour on Monday...anyone who has been there can tell you that was a BIG mistake!! ten miles took about an hour..if not more...By the time we got to the hotel around 5 Rockermom time, we were bushed!!!

We cruised the area and found the company that would be Busters interview in the morning and then went to dinner at Bennigans...which was AWESOME, or as Buster put it "I could eat the asshole of a horse right now and it would taste good"...

Went back to the hotel and discovered I had only packed black panties and would be wearing white dress pants the next day..so we took a trip to a Mexican Sears...I swear to God..only Mexicans shopping there and only Mexicans working there....I fit in right nice :-)

This small town of Fox River Valley was situated as the name implies, right on the Fox River..very hilly, very pretty, and pretty much SNOBBY looking...I mean no wonder thier divorce rate is only 3 percent they had the biggest Lovers Lane store I had ever seen AND their very own Plastic Surgery Clinic...which you KNOW is mandatory in a town with a population of 12,000!!!! Now I thought to myself...if we move here and Buster gets bustin his balls and rollin in some real dough...would I have my nose, ass or boobs done first???

After the purchase of my new draws..we went back to the room and I decided it was finally time to hem the damn pants..this time for real. I forgot my sewing kit in the car and reluctantly went to retrieve it...on the way back up the stairs, I think I was being hit on by a 50-ish looking man lugging a suitcase full of ice cold Budweisers up the stairs..I tried and did keep our conversation short and graciously accepted the ice cold cerveca he offered me...then went up and hemmed my damn pants...

got up at 6 the next morining..the interview was scheduled for 8:30, we arrived at about 8:15 and met the president and ceo, and his right hand man..a 30 year old guy named Jason...who by the way were VERY nice and professional people. CEO Jim explained that Buster would need to fill out paperwork and as he did so I could wait right next to him in the room and look through some of the emails he weekly sent his employees..

Buster had to take a test and we were in the damn room for like 2 hours..I looked through endless emails and literature pertaining to his company functions. Lets see at last years Christmas parties ( and the previous 2 years) he gave a raffle and about 3 employees won 1000 cash and 3 others won 500 cash, on top of Bose stereos Gift Certificates for Day Spas, and The Grand prize was a trip for 2 all paid to the Bahamas...keep in mind that there are maybe 30 people employed there...oh yeah all the employees kids get to submit a Santa request before hand cause he was gonna show up at the party...for ANYTHING they want! Lets see each employee gets to stay at the 1300 square foot "cabin" on the lake up north that the company owns..supplied with boats, tackle and 600 dollars cash for anything else you need..for a whole week..with PAY, they are allowed to take up to 7 peoplewith them friends family or whatever..so as I sat there reading all this I decided this would be an AWESOME place to work...after breakfast we really were thinking otherwise...

In order for Buster to work in the state of Illinois as a lisenced plumber, he would only be given one chance to take the state exam..if he failed it he would have to finish like 4 years apprenticeshep before he could retake the exam...and folks..aprenticesses dont make squat more than he is making right now...AND the cost of living is like double over there..im sure youre all aware...

SO it was basically up to us whether or not we wanted to risk it all and move over there..IF he failed the test we'd be screwed so we decided not to take the job.

The trip on the way back was a real TRIP..we again hit chicago Tuesday during rush hour, and detoured downtown to catch some dinner and some sights...I screamed like a little fucking kid at one point cause I thought Buster was gonna crash us into a concrete wall...im so embarrassed, he was entering an undergroung parking garage, and well my vision isnt what it used to be and everything blended all together...you know you can take the girl out of the cornfield but you cant take the well ya know the rest...

Now I do have a few more street smarts than Buster being from the hood (detroit) and all but that was like 18 years ago...We walked like 40 blocks (it seemed ) to get to the dumb ass Hard Rock Cafe to be sadly dissapointed in an overrated little restaurant. I would much rather eat at the Forester Inn...she gave us menus and there was NOOOway I was gonna pay 25.00 for a dinner or 11.00 for a sandwich. I wanted some real authentic sloppy greasy Chicago food. After we came out of the damn place a Black guy immediately attacked Busters feet with a damn brush and some Kiwi shine...and we kept walking the motha fucka followed us no matter, He said "Buster I can sees u a honest mans, and I tell u what. If I can guess how many kids yo daddy had u get this shoe shine fo free, an iffen I kaent, u pay me 8 dollas a shoe...I tell u yo Daddy aint had no kids...Yo MOMMA had them...now gimme the money cmon cmon" I whispered to buster "YOU ONLY HAVE TWO DOLLARS" *hint hint* he didnt get it...he gave the brotha a 10 spot in shic he gladly accepted and then he hailed us a cab (the homey)..In the cab I was kinda pissed about the deal, but Buster honestly didnt know...

SOO we made it to South Bend Indiana where we slept in a crack hotel.it only cost 35 bucks but we were sotired we didnt care. I took a luke warm shower and there was little black curly hairs all bundled up in the corner of the shower floor...again too tired to care so we basically slept on top of the sheets til 10 minutes til checkout time...

Headed for Cornfield County after we stopped at KFC for lunch...and lo and behold if the ole Reno, I mean Michigan 911 didnt pull us over...and guess what for ? Cause we had a damn air freshener in the rearview and THATS illegal in Michigan, then they asked where we were coming from and we told them Chicago, so of course they made us both get out and crevice searched the car for drugs..I shit you not they told us this cause a lot of times people got Chicago to get their drugs, I wanted to tell them that Ileft my crack pipe at home that day, but then again I learned the hard way that state boys have NO sense of fucking humor...I learned this long ago..thats a whole nother blog which I will save for another day....no tickets to warnings. I think it helped that I was reading my Bible when both troopers came to each door and asked us to step out...I was right in the middle of the "Last Supper" dammit...and u wanna know something really fucked up? Ill be damned if they didnt thumb through them Bible pages to see if there was a sheet of acid or some shit in them...they checked every crack of the car but didnt open the laptop...I coulda hidden at least 20 sheets of acid in THERE!!! Maybe they were just bored.....

Well I hope I didnt Bore you all too much but anyhoo...thats the 411 on our Chicago trip...BTW Portelli's has the cheapest and best and sloppiest hot dogs in chicago....loaded YUM!!! With a Corona of course ;-)