Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Goodbye...for a while

Well sadly to say things have not been working out with Buster and I...

My sister is on her way to get me and the girls and we will be moving to Waterford, I need to find a job asap as I do not have a vehicle..I will check my blog from time to time, and I will miss reading all of yours for a while...the only access I have to a computer is at her library until I get my own.

I love my husband and always will, he is a wonderful man and I wish him the best. I just feel that I bring out the bad side of him and he deserves someone who dosent, and hopefully in time, he will find that.

In the meantime, I am not looking. I am going to focus all of my time on working and taking care of my children.

Adios!

Monday, October 22, 2007

The Homefront

Well I would like to offer up my biggest halfmexican apologies for abandoning this blog latetly.

I have been taking care of 2 houses, and preparing to move hopefully by next weekend...

I wont bore you all with the duties that this incurs as im sure you are all well familiar with the cleaning, painting, packing, moving, boxing-up-your-shit-rituals.....


That being said..

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I would like to share photos of the place with you but I STILLL cannot find my damn download cord.....f***king aliens.

Im sure they're behind this.

Their behind every unexplainable occurence dont ya know???

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Wee One keeps begging me to sing the "Shoot the Marble" song with her....

I have no stinking clue as to what the hell song THAT is.

If anyone knows please help me.

I downloaded a bunch of christian kids songs for her last week and let her listen to them on the laptop...she was going back to the "Gods Army" song for 2hours....she knows how to use the mouse and click....at 3 years old....!!

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The skin below my left eye has been twitching for the last 2 days...WTH????

If anyone knows what causes this please do tell....

Its really starting to get annoying...
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Well I gotta go warm up a leftover taco for breakfast then im off to put away laundry, move a load of boxes to the new place, renew my library books, call and make a car payment and call and renew a script...

Till next time, if you know what the hell the "Shoot the marbles" song is, please inform me OR if you can tell me why my left eye is breakdancing all the time, that would be helpful too...

HMM Out!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

What I like vs. What I dont like by HMM

Im sure every one of us has a special post he/she can put up with a list of likes and dislikes.

I dont usually bitch or gripe about too much. Or I try not too anyway cause nobody likes a whiner, and who really cares right??

I think a lot of you share common interests with me or you wouldnt be reading this right now...

So here goes


Shit I Like
1. Clean scents, ie: candles, fresh linens, new car, leather, victorias secret smells, new tires, a newborn baby.

2. Children whom pick up after themselves....I will leave that one open.

3. Husbands whom cook, and clean up after themselves.

4. Restrooms that do not smell like fresh urine, or hotly stenched feces. Thank you for flushing!

5. Seafood, a nice green salad and white wine. Preferably made by someone else.

6. My friends and family.

7. Living in a "free" country.

8. The smell of spring and fall air.

9. A hot steamy bubble bath with only lit candles in the room and an icy beer. (if youve never done this I highly recommend it, I promise you will feel fantastic afterward)

10. Diet Soda. Preferrably Diet Pepsi.

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Now i'm most certain most of you can relate to the above list, and those are just a few things a gal like HMM are fond of.

Next my friends is a list of things that I am not fond of.

1. Picking up unnameable amounts of dog shit out of the kennel at 7 am.

2. Wiping up dog piss out of the same kennell at 7am. Especially when I didnt want a dog in the first place.

3. Houses that smell like dog, or the dogs waste.

4. My download cord is missing for my camera. I am under the assumption that aliens have taken it since they are being blamed for every other mother loving thing in this world that we humans are to stupid to figure out or explain.

5. People who leave cigarette butts in my sink or in my empty cans....this is not only nasty people but very disrespectable as well...so the next time I come to your house, guess what Im gonna do :-)

6. Stinky litter boxes....this is why I dont have a cat. This among other reasons is why I prefer not to have animals in the house at all. Now dont get me wrong. Im not a hater. I just think anything will four legs belongs outside..

7. Finding hair in my food.

8. People who leave the toilet paper holder empty, or who just place the new roll on top of the holder.

9. Wiping halfmelted red jello off my walls, carpeting and sofa.

10. I saved the best for last....Cleaning up another adults vomit...



There.

Im done.

Now I've safely vented within the secure boundaries of the blogging world.

You wont hear me bitch about too much like ive said before, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do from time to time....right?

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On another note Buster and I were invited to an Adult Only Halloween party this Saturday night.

Believe it or not, and im embarrassed to confess....

Ive NEVER been to one.

We were thinking of dressing up will full masks and wigs and not speaking to ANYONE all night...

When we visit with peeps we thought that we would just shake our head yes and no to everything they say to us.

We had 4 people come to our house one year the week before Halloween. We let them in , they helped themselves to stuff out of our fridge. When we asked who they were they just shook thier heads "yes"

So were like
"Eric?"
"Kelly?"
asking all these names they kept shaking no..

we even took pictures.

they were all dressed like old men and had masks on with wigs hooked to them...

we never did know who those people were. Until about a month later.

But talk about freaky...

at first it was cute, then it was kinda like "um...get out of my house dude"

so yeah, were thinking of freaking people out if we goto this party.

*****************************************************************

For shits and giggles I asked my kids a random question last night (Flippy gave me the idear)

Me: "Who wrote the book of love"

Eldest: "God"

Wee One: "Erin"

**************************************

Well I gotta go see if I can do something about the smell that lingers in my kitchen thanks to Shitty McStink....

Monday, October 15, 2007

Eloquence

Eloquence:

Eloquence (from Latin eloquentia) is fluent, forcible, elegant or persuasive speaking in public. It is primarily the power of expressing strong emotions in striking and appropriate language, thereby producing conviction or persuasion. The term is also used for writing in a fluent style. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eloquent

I just heard Donald Trump call Rosie a "degenerate" on the today show.....it made me think of the word above....

I remind myself of the ole Trump sometimes.

Whether this is good or bad, well lets just say were all entitled to our own opinions...

AND in MY opinion Rosie and T need to grow their asses up and quit slamming each other.

Life is to damn short....*snort snort*.

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My buddy ole pal FFG made reference to a certain family of japanese bugs on her ceiling.....

hence reminding me of a certain family of KANGAROO MICE living in the foam insulation of our breezeway in the new house.

I discovered this Saturday as I was leaving the house and saw the little black rodent run from one side of the room to the other and into a tiny hole....

Buster informed me last night as to the type of mice they are to which I replied

"Ya mean like the type that stand on their haunches upright while their little sickening pink front paws dangle in front of them?"

Yep.

I about passed out.

Heavenly Father, please help us rid our new home of the pesky little varmits before we move in. Oh Lord I will not be able to eat, sleep or urinate in that house until then, I will be eternally grateful In Jesus's precious name....Amen

Wish me luck on that one.

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On a brighter note, Wee One will have to put an abrupt halt to her nightly escapades into the depths of my chemical laden kitchen....

Oh sweet victory!

No more wondering if she will build toilet bowl cleaner bombs in the night, or soap slicks on the floor, or just plain letting her 3 year old self outside in the middle of the night.

Her new bedroom will be right next to mine. So I will hear her every little snore and sigh....

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I still cant find my Mother Freakin download cable for my camera.

Shit.

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Not sure if any of you caught the juicy episode of Desperate Housewives last night, and im not going to tell too much cause I dont want to piss anyone off who hasnt seen it already,

BUT

Lynettes mom scored her some "reefer" to take the edge off the chemo meds, and get her to eat, she was SO against smoking it, that momma made her a big batch of brownies.....

OMG even way back in my reefer toking days (havent touched the shit in AGES) I never saw anyone act like that!!! She acted like she was on some sort of PCP trip...!

It was quite entertaining when she showed up at her friends charades party though!

If you dont watch it you are missing true entertainment.....

I know...I need a life....

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I didnt make it to the class of 92 reunion Saturday.

I feel bad, but let me tell you I felt even shittier all day Saturday.

HMM pulled an all nighter at my buddys house.

I havent done that since I was like 18.

Entering your pre-geriatric years, pre-menopausal years, and after having 2 kids, make that 3 if you count Buster,

My little spick body just cant handle it well....

So I stayed home Saturday night, took a shower and put on warm jammies and a robe then taught my eldest to play the new Monopoly game I won from McDonalds.

To say the least we are addicted to it...

Not like the classic (boring) you get 2 MILLION every time you pass go and there are properties like Times Square, Disney Word, and The White House...

Definintely a "must play"

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Feedbag time....

I dont know what the hell im making for dinner.

Leave a suggestion if it strikes your fancy to do so.

All I can say right now is im starving, its 8 in the morning, and im too lazy to get off my ass and make some toast or sumptin.....

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Heres Wishing you all a Great Week,

Keep it rodent free,

and hopefully your dog dosent drag his ass across your carpeting. (Idont know where that came from but its good to wish people nice shit like that)

Friday, October 12, 2007

Vandalism in the night.

Yes.

We have been "hit' once again.

I made mention a while back about our nighttime vandalism problems...

You know, soap slicks, toilet bowl cleaner bombs and whatnot's.


Well, our little felon-in-training did it again.

This time I took a picture, and wouldn't you know it?

I cannot find my damned download cord.

I awoke in the night, well I was already awake but I got up and hit pause on the DVR before takin my last trip of the evening to the restroom, AND what did I behold!

An unusually large trail of white powder starting at the kitchen trash can and running through Wee Ones bedroom, over her favorite bouncy ball and sprinkled all over her toy box.

I am out of scouring powder, the flour is way up high and I know she cannot reach that, and the novelty can of borax soap on my bathroom sink is still full and intact.

So throughout the night I was just bothered as to what this white substance could be...

Its not sugar.

Its not "blow" I mean where in the heck would a 3 year old score at?

It remained a mystery until Buster remembered the "stress ball" the girls picked up at the neighborladys garage sale last week, she sold it to my kids for a dollar, a rip if you ask me cause it had a hole in it that the eldest kept patching up with electrical tape all week.

AND it was homemade with a balloon.

Well in the wee hours of the night Wee One got curious and allegedly peeled the electrical tape off the culprit, and had a party of her own once again.

I will break her of this habit someday, oh yes I will cause there is no way in hell I plan on spending my Grand parenting years traveling to the state penitentiary to visit my offspring. NO. WAY. IN HELL.

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The Sandusky Community High School Class of 1992 is holding their 15 year class reunion at the Lanes tomorrow night....Old Farts...hee hee.

Sike, Im only a year behind them, just had to throw that dart. Not like it would of landed anywhere, but had to just because.

I'm thinking of crashing the reunion tomorrow night.

I would like to chit chat for a few with Neurotic 1 and Shannon, and Lisa and a few others if I'm not busy.

We may be throwing some paint on the new crib this weekend.

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Here's a memory.

Well a confession of sorts.

You all know I have little shame.

And I like to share my shame with my blogging buddies....

Why?

Because I must may be slightly "touched" in that area of the brain.....

.....I tooted out loud once in third grade.......


well I said it...

Its finally out!

I feel so much better!

See that incident taught me 2 things.

1. Never fart aloud.
2. Never say "aaahhhh" if/when you do so.

I did not know this was an improper action until several, okay ALL the class said

"eeww, gross, NASTY"

after the fact.

Well being raised by a single Father teaches you a lot of things,

One of them is NOT farting etiquette....

I now tell my girls that ladies simply do not do it....

Dad never thought to tell me and my sister that.

It was a natural thing in our household to just "let go" if you had to.

Well HMM learned her lesson in third grade.

There you have it folks another memory from the cellar of my mind.

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GET YOUR FEEDBAG ON!

I simply cannot sign off without mention of food now can I???

Buster made his Signature Veggie and Sausage pasta sauce last night for dinner...

It was once again a huge hit in our house, and in my colon, hence the memory story above.

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Til next time...

Keep your house "stress ball free"

And pinch those cheeks really tight after a very flatulent meal!

Hasta Luego!

Monday, October 8, 2007

Shaky and a taky and a baky baky bakey!

Oh my word....


I just read FFG's blog and it had nothing to do with this but it brought back a memory, from the weblike depths of this halfmexican broads mind....

Her post said something about Shaky baking all the time....hence the title!



Once upon a time this young halfmexican chick worked in an old farts home. In the kitchen, doing dishes and whatnots...

We would have our occasional visitor, his name was Grady, he was about 172 years old and when he spoke, it was ALWAYS in rhyme.

I mean if the guy wanted coffee he would say

and I quote

"Gimme some coffee and I dont want toffee only want coffee no damn toffee"

see he had to rhyme no matter what he said.


even if it made no sense at all....

I would be gliding gracefully down the halls of the facility with my six foot stainless steel cart that I couldnt see over or around, and would out of nowhere hear Grady.

AND he always shouted his words.

AND usually he would clap in time with his rhyme...

I wonder what ever happend to Grady....Its kind of like where is Waldo....

Only where is Grady?

The beginning of this post is by no means a form of discrimination against old farts. I usually dont refer to them as that but at the time I called the place that because I was young dumb and 18. If you think you yourself are an old fart please seek therapy at your nearest mental department, ASAP. And if you are reading this tiny ass print there is no way in hell that you can be an old fart cause I can hardly see it myself.

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Not too much going on in this neck of the woods these days.

Buster took our oldest child all day Saturday, and they cleaned at the new place, while WeeOne and I did laundry at my Dads.

It will be so nice not to have to cart my dirty undergarments around the county anymore.

I vary my laundry assignments by using the local laundromat, my dads and my in laws place..I favor my dads above all because he has a clothseline that hold about 3 loads a a time. AND its free!

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I dont know if I ever mentioned this before but while im thinking of memories today there is one other that sticks out in my mind.


Not sure If ive ever shared it with you or not so sorry if I have but here goes anyway.

As most of you know FFG are pretty tight, well way back in the day...about 1992 to be precise, Buster and I were dating.

His parents went out of town for the weekend and he threw his usual bash.

WELL....HMM never had much experience in the drinking area at the time, so it goes without saying that what I will reveal here is quite shocking.

To make a long story short, Buster and I were upstairs "fooling around"

And I heard this song come on...I think it was Shoop by Salt n Pepa, I may be wrong but Im pretty sure it was.

Well I heard that song come on downstairs, so excited and not realizing what I was (or was not wearing) bolted full force down the stairs, when I got halfway down I stopped.....

cause you could see the living room from that spot and everyone could see you as well...

Needing to say what I had to I remember clearly I was wearing an oversized Michael Jordan tshirt, I put my hands on my waist and shouted

"I LOVE THIS SONG"

FFG smiled and said

"Uh Jill...you might wanna put your hands down"

See I was wearing NOTHING under that tshirt from the waist down, and when I went to put my hands on my waist to make my statement I lifted up the shirt and gave about a half a dozen people a peek at my...ahem....beaver......

yep....


memories.....

Ive got a ton...I will share time to time


Till next time research the depths of your minds...what is your most embarrassing memory?

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Moving On.

Just some random stuff here...


Dont want to overload you all with too much info as in the last post....


Ah lets see...


I have been cleaning and packing, and packing and cleaning.

Exciting I know, dont want to thrill you all too much.

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My fingers are like moving superfast here I dunno why....

Since Im not smoking its like I cannot sit still....

AT ALL.

My fingers are making up for some missed excercise right now...


They are extra super happy.

The only way to stop from wanting to smoke is

A. Wearing my nicotine patch

B. Not thinking about it.

C. Staying physically busy....

gggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

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Spoke to my doctors receptionist today as I have not heard anything from them about the what have yous of my labwork from the surgery.

She said "Maybe you should come in so doc can explain it to you"

Told nice receptionist that I do not have insurance anymore, then she put me on hold....


Appears that the top part of the cone shaped piece they took out of me still shows low grade abnormal cells....which as Ive been reading left untreated can cause cancer.

Sooooo...

I have to go in for another pap in 6 months.

In the mean time HMM is looking for health insurance.

Just in case.

Just in case I need major surgery.

Just in case I eventually have to get my whole hoo hoo removed.

Just in case this shit dosent go away.

Just in case I slip on one of Wee Ones soap slicks that she likes to create on the kitchen floor in the odd hours in the night when we are all asleep.

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The neighbor lady had a garage sale today.

My eldest went shopping.


With all the pennies she found on the bottom of my purse...

Here is a list of what she purchased:

1. a change purse that reads "Girls Rule"
2. Hippie sunglasses
3. A stuffed hot pink octopus on LSD
4. A pin that reads "Happy Birthday Jesus" (she bought that for me :-)

LIKE I DIDN'T SPEND ALL DAY CLEANING OUT HER CLOSET OF UNECESSARY SHIT SHE DOSENT ALREADY NEED.

But kids being kids I will let her be just that. I told her she got quite the deals...

being as she made 4 trips to my purse and 4 trips to neighborlady.

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Well I cant leave food out of my post.

That would be so unlike me you all may worry if I have mono or somethin like my pal Flip Flop Goddess...

I made red beans and rice for dinner and pork chops on the grill.

Buster and I have yet to eat, Ive been busy with my insane cleaning and packing, and he has been moving odds and ends to the new place with this cronies.

Thats all for now peeps, I apologize if this was too much info.

Monday, October 1, 2007

Take this job and shove it!

The song has so much more than the meaning of not working at the crappy joint anymore.

It also relays the truth.

Yes HMM quit her job today.


Not that it was much of a job anyway.

I only made 3 dollars an hour for 3 hours a day 4 to 5 days a week....15 hours of HARD work for 45.00 per work....HARDLY worth it in my book...

Not to mention that Saturday I was the "pee-on"


I mean that in a literal sense.

The Manager on duty told me to check the mens room, then she left for the day. So in the crazy hustle there was a 2 minute time frame in which I did not have customers at my counter, I journeyed on over to the little boys room only to find.....


this is so disgusting.


I really debated on whether or not to even write about this...


But this was the last straw.



The Urinal was overflowing with Hot Stenchy bright yellow urine.....

ALL OVER THE FLOOR ABOUT A HALF AN INCH DEEP...

Yuck! Barf! Gag!


I went to a different manager (remember the other one left), and I said these exact words..

"You want me to handle piss and then hand out food?!"

Normally I wouldnt swear while at work,

but desperate times call for desperate measures, she not only wanted me to mop the stuff up, but to PLUNGE the urinal as well....

Well, I dont like to admit it...But some of you may already know...HMM is more of a paper work office type girl...

Me and mops and pee pee dont mix well..

So I called the GM this morning and told her where the bear shit in the woods...

I said I was sorry but things just were not working out, told her about the mens room incident, which she already heard about...she pretty much said "whatever" and hung up...

Enough about that.

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Ladies and Gentleman, children of all ages, elderly and Handicap too....


I give to you,

My beautiful twin neices, and an old broad (HMM me)!!



I went to their volley ball game Thursday night, on the way to Amish Country aka Brown City.


On the way to Amish country I took this picture for your viewing pleasure.


Notice to beautiful fall foliage....

Notice the cows in the background...betchya cant count em and tell me how many are there.

Well wait maybe you can iffen you double click.

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Now for all of you who way that I make you hungry every post

(ahem ahem Neurotic 1)

just so you know that I made Hot Apple Crisp out of my orchard apples the other day and served it over French Vanilla Ice Cream....

IT ROCKED.

thats all I have to say about that

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Oh yeah, so I havent been on here much.

Been busy cleaning the new house and all, working a shitty job, and running a household here.

I know some of you may have panicked or wondered if the Wee One really did follow through and off me...

But nope Im still here.

And still missing 2 Bottles of Windex!! (I think this has Wee One wrote all over it)

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Alright, so im thinking about a new business venture....

Go with me on this...

Ive done it before and actually made 3 to 5 hundred a month with very little effort...

Avon.

Yup, im actually seriously considering starting up again...

It only cost 10 bucks to start up, plus its fun, plus you get everything at cost!!

Weeeee!!

Who's with me?

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Im sitting in the middle of a crisis right now.

Michigans piss poor shoddy ass government is shut down as we speak....what this means is:



One State Trooper per county on patrol.

All Secretarty of State offices CLOSED.

NO lottery sales (dammit I was going to hit the big one tonight, my horoscope said so!)

Oh and a bunch of other crap that im too lazy to write about, if you wanna know more Google it under


jennygranholmsucksass@impeachherdumbass.gov

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I decided to quit smoking.

Im wearing a nicotine patch right now.

Woot!

Show me some love here, this is going to be rough for a few days...

But I dont want my girls to smoke, so Im trying to set an example....PLUS

cervical diseases are brought on by smoking, plus it makes you stink, and stains your teeth etc etc.....

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I feel the need to get a few strange things that happened off my mind before I close.

Wee One climbed in bed with us yesterday about 7ish, I was laying there smelling her three year old morning breath on my face, but thinking of how much my damn back hurt,

I mean it hurt like a mutha!

Without saying anything, all of a sudden I feel little hands on my back rubbing me!

Its like she read my mind THEN

I was dozing back off to see the sandman, but envisioning my eyes closed, and Wee One says out loud.."Mumma you got pweddy (pretty) eyes."

OMG another coincidence???

This is starting to get freaky...

THEN, on the way to church I was telling Buster we would have to make up our offerings and mission money as I had forgot the checkbook...ok.

While sitting in the pew at church Buster reaches in his dress pants and pulls out a crumpled amount of cash...EXACTLY the amount we give the church each week...

So you know I had to give the cash to the Lord...he was telling us to.

Thing is I washed those pants AND hung them on the clothseline at my Dads, one would think amid all the traveling those pants did the cash would have some how fell out at one point or time...

Oh the strangeness of things...

I gotta go now and get some shit cleaned up around here, do dishes vacuum and put laundry away before Gramps and Grannie bring Wee One home....

Til next time...

take in all the Fall foliage you can

encourage your friends and family to quit smoking!

Keep it real. Keep it clean.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Sending out an SOS

I'm sending out an SOS..



I think the Wee One is secretly plotting against me, or the nation, or maybe Noggin...shit maybe all three!


She wants to off me, or have me committed to the local Insane Asylum.

I am 99 percent certain.

Looks innocent enough dont you think?


One would have a look at the the pictures and assume that she is a bubbling, little girl.





You know made of sugar and spice and everything nice?




Not until you went through what I did yesterday.


Ladies and Gent of the jury, I submit to you Exhibit A:

First off...a friend stopped by to visit...Wee One was no where to be seen/heard, so I checked on her....


Found her in the john brushing her teeth....


Great! A 3 year old that brushes her teeth without being told, How Wonderful you say???


That is until I find the sink BONE DRY and the toilet seat SOAKING WET!!!



YUCK KEE!!

yeah.

you be the judge on that one.

*******************************************************************


Ladies and Gent of the Jury (I'm assuming Ben may read this) I submit to you


Exhibit B:

Now this may have been her hidden attempt at calling the Squad, I'm not sure...

But as I was relaxing on the commode, the one place I can attempt to find some type of peace and solace, I whipped out my latest Luanne Rice novel and began to read....


when I heard a voice




right outside my locked door say


"Wus your nayme?" (she drags the word name)




to which I replied "Mumma"

then I asked her to go talk to daddy cause mumma was busy...



I was in there 3 minutes....tops....I swear on my lucky panties....



thunder and lightning were crashing all around outside, and made for a grand vacancy of the commodial area....


I picked up my cutie pie, and kissed her...


this is WAY after the tooth brushing incident.



After I quickly realized my lips were GREASY...greasy with what you ask??

So did I to which I got the response..."Don't be mad mumma...its only budder"



I ran to the kitchen, and yup, AS she was on the phone calling in the squad, she had a stick of butter rubbed all over the counter, not to mention all over her cheeks and lips!

AAARRRGGG!!!

Oh yeah and my cell phone was still on the line....I could hear a faint voice saying "Hello. Hellloooo!" over and over

She didn't call in the Squad that time, but instead dialed up the Girl Scout Troop Leader.

So when I thought she was talking to me through the bathroom door, she was chatting it up with the local Girl scout Lady..brown nosing for the future possibly...but that's here say


Ladies and Gent I submit

Exhibit C:

Now with the given information, I have reason to think that maybe this is one genius 3 year old were dealing with here.


Either that or a woman on a mission to build a b**b in the middle of the night and plot a wee-terrorist attack.

Buster was sleeping, it was maybe 3 am or so.

Remember my kids are sharing a bed right now as some asswipe of a dog chewed the living hell out of her mattress a few posts back.

I blame my daughters wee terrorism on the fact that she has to share a bed with her sister whom is 4 and a half years older...and every time sister thrashes it makes wee one want to wake up and do chores,


or build a bomb, I dunno

Buster heard a noise, so being the man that he is woke up to check on it, its his natural protection instinct kicking in there....

but what he found was

1. An open front door leading to the driveway/street.

2. Random chemicals ie: bleach, laundry soap, dish soap scattered amongst the household.

3. A fully awake 3 year old.

4. I found the hot water tap running in the bathroom when I awoke at 7 this morning...yeah it was going all night...

Now it has been stated by my eldest that Wee One made mention of letting the puppy out in the middle of the night....she said she was half asleep and thought sissy was just talking in her sleep....

Therefore Ladies and Gent of the jury, I give you HMM's synopsis the random occurrences..

I believe that:

a. Big trouble can come in small packages.

b. Wee One may have been fighting or attempting to fight the war on terror in her own little way, but at least SHE TOOK THE DOG OUTSIDE BY HERSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IN THE CITY before she did so. She may have been doing this my the making of homemade Soap Slicks, or Bleach b***bs....you
be the judge.





c. HMM is trying to omit using the b**b word and terrorist/terrorism in the same post as not to draw Government attention OR have a voice chip or GPS bug implanted in my car on my next family outing to Wally World...Now go back to playing with your Lincoln Logs ya big jerk!





d. I ask you does this look like the face of a Hardened future Criminal...or just a kid high on caffeine and sugar...You be the judge.

Each and every member of the jury is allowed to state their opinion...

Do Not let the top photo influence you in any way, as looks can be deceiving.

What type of punishment should be deployed amongst the Wee One??

Do you believe that this sort of behavior Ladies and Gent can indicate what type of Adult Wee One will be in her future?

Should Wee One attend public or private school Next year?

Is she Gifted, Or just on her way to becoming the first female semi-terrorist?

Is there any difference between the two?

Should I STOP letting her eat dirt and grass???

The information is out.

It is up to YOU.

The future of Wee One lies in your hands Ladies and Gent....I don't know how much longer I can take this before I am actually being visited by all of you while in a Mental Ward.


Now im going to go put a bra on, get another cup of coffee, and catch up on some of the other blogs as I return to work today FINALLY!


Oh and before I go I would like to take this opportunity to Thank Cheeky aka Snow Trapped Southern Girl, for the get well wishes she sent to me yesterday, Cheeky you are stellar...YOU Rock!!

Peace Out!

Monday, September 24, 2007

We dont get out much


Alright, I'm done with my nonsense posts, most of the alcohol/drug induced posts of the past week are out of my system....

Hopefully for good.

It was fun while it lasted.


So now I will invite you to view my latest Photo Jiz....

Caution: WE DON'T GET OUT MUCH

I mean it.


Saturday was a fun filled family day with the Joneses....

We started the exhilarating day by going to the apple orchard, and picking a bushel of Jonathan and McIntosh....

HMM ate 2 while picking and had to make a B-line to the john....

Freshly picked, pesticide apples have that effect on my belly....OUCH!!!
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Then it was off to Port Huron for some Dinner at the "AL-Live Garden", which is how my 3 year old pronounces Olive Garden...

For some reason its her favorite place to eat....

Even though she ALWAYS orders fries and chocolate milk, which you can get anywhere, but for some reason she fancies fries and milk at an Italian joint.....


they act so much like their daddy...

We went to Chuck E. Cheese, and Halloween USA as well...


Then off to do some shopping at the mall...

We thought we'd pick up a cocktail and let the kiddies get dessert at Garfields in the mall..


They chose Triple Fudge 7 layer chocolate cake.....the waitress split one piece in half and put it on two plates....oh yeah she said there was also and extra broken (size of a football) chunk they couldn't sell so she split it up between my kids.....

Thanks.

Did she think that was cute?? I was already playing the role of Mommy of the Year by letting my kids go nuts on a 2000 calorie confection as it was....

and she thinks I need her help????

So here's proof that we don't get out much.

Yes, we did this in public....

We could not help ourselves, honestly we are in serious need of some good dental coverage!










Keep Going, here is Buster..


Here's the wee one!



Here is the culprit. Looks like a pile of you know what if ya ask me!



This has nothing to do with the whole she-bang, not trying to throw you off or anything but this is by far the worlds smallest car.
Compare it to the mid size Bonneville to the right...I swear it was MAYBE 5 foot long...I dont think this would make a good Grocery Getter.
Unless of course it was equipped with stow and go.
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Shit I just realized that I forgot to post a pic of myself with rotten fudgy teeth....
I will leave you with that image for a different post.
It really was a quite striking photo.
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To the left is one of the most intriguing Halloween decorations Ive seen in years.
This is the Holy Grail of grills, It makes sizzling noises, and smokes, and can handle a dozen feet or hands at the same time.....
Halloween USA rocks!
To the right please notice my award winning apple photo.
Well maybe not award worthy to you but it is to me......
Got me to thinking when we were picking.....Poor Eve in the Garden of Eden...
What girl wouldn't be tempted to pick that??
Although there are some that disagree the fruit that was picked was possibly a pomegranate, or some other type.....
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Well I'm off to grab another cup of Joe....stay tuned
We will be moving by the end of Oct, I will keep you updated, Oh and of course before and after pics of my new humble abode!







Friday, September 21, 2007

Word to the wise.

Never post while under the influence...or you say really dumb shit.


Thats the truth.

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Well I ran my ass of today, doctors appt for BP didnt go so good...they had to give me some med that started with a Q to get it to drop...

It was like 148 over 106...

Then it dropped down to 138 over 98 with the help of the meds...


Looks likey I will be on meds for this I told the doc I dont have insurance after Tuesday,
he said that he could seriously supply me with all the BP meds I need for life...

Im thinking samples.

Samples rock!!
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Cant think of anything else for now so till next time take it easy, and dont be sleazy ;-)

Thursday, September 20, 2007

While on the mend.

Well Im happy to report that I had the packing removed today and there was hardly anything on it...



cauterization clearly went well....


Im a tad tired and a bit crampy today but NOTHING like yesterday...


While on the mend Buster made burgers on the grill for dinner, and His parents didnt bring the kids home til almost 9 last night....ahhhh!


Buster rented the DaVinci Code and Disturbia last night....


both very good flicks....

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Had to put the girls in bed together last night because a pup who shall remain nameless.

Because hearing let alone spelling his name right now will piss be off and probably cause me to hemmorage...

Guess what he did???


Well a couple of days ago Our Friend Tom brought his pup over , who happens to be our pups sister from the same litter, AND partner in crime...


CHEWED THE HELL OUT OF MY YOUNGEST KIDS MATTRESS!!!

Im not kiddin.

They were alone and quiet for way to long so I peeked into the wee ones room and there they were!

Both caught red paw-ded....eating the stuffing out of the center of her mattress which happened to have a whole the size of a small grand canyon!!

There are bare springs sticking out of that baby now....

So we have to get her a new bed because im NOT purchasing another toddler mattress as she will need a twin within the next year anyway.....

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We have made an arrangement to rent a house about 5 miles from here in the country.

3 bedrooms 2 baths and way bigger than what we have now...

From my previous experiences I will not get excited over this one until the papers are signed..

However the house needs at least 24 hours worth of cleaning (as bad as the last one) this guy already said he will pay for paint throughout the house and labor to clean....Amen.

Keep your fingers crossed.

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I have an 11 appointment tomorrow to have my BP diagnosed, then 3 an ultrasound on my ovaries as I have been having some peculiar pain there....they are checking for cysts and such, my doc seems to think that it its just ovulation...

but im pretty sure I dont freaking ovulate every DAY!!

All this in a rush because my insurance is up the the 25th, and I pray God that my labs come back before then too!!!

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In the mean time I am just trying to stay calm and live regularly and not let this mess of a house bother me too much...

I overworked myself after our first kid was born and ended up back in bed with terrible pains and you know what...

So till next time....enjoy an enchilada or 2 for me...Im going to try to eat more healthy and start excersising again, and hopefully stick with it...!!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Surgical Happenings.

Well as you can see I made it home.

The surgery went quite well, Im just a little sore and tired.

A knock at the door woke me...I was Fed Ex with a letter for Buster.

I was greeted at the hospital by my Pastor. My stepmom drove me up there this morning.
She and Pastor stayed until I was out of recovery.

I got up this morning and did the first thing a girl does.....

I peed.



THEN I noticed the little plastic orange lidded cup sitting on my countertop in the bathroom!


WOOPS!


HMM forgot her urine sample....

luckily Nurse Blonde Lady didnt seem too upset about it, as I was able to produce a small piddle enough for the pregnancy test that they required!!!



Guess What?


Im NOT pregnant.


Most of us know that Buster had his "fishie straw" taken care of after the birth of our second child.


THEN my BP was 161 over 116....

3 consecutive times!! A small cause for concern so they injected a sedative into the IV...

I think I got high....

Felt pretty damn good though.

Then they wheeled me off to OR, a while later, where my BP was still quite high.

So they injected a BP med into the IV, waited a few min then added the anestheitc concoction.


I remember one of the nurses dancing around the room to the sound of my heartbeat on the monitor. She was doing some type of Indian jig.


Seriously. I dont think she knows I was still concience.


Next thing I know im in the Recovery Room with a sore ass throat, and a growling tummy and some slight crampage.....

They injected some pain meds in the IV, and I was good to go home a half an hour later.

Buster brought me Chinese for lunch Bless his heart then he went back to work.

My Stepmom asked if she wanted me to stay but I told her I was fine and that Im just going to keep the couch company for the rest of the day, oh yeah and the TV.

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Had a strange dream as before I was abruptly interrupted by the FED EX guy.

To make it short It had to do with a small airplane landing in a field where a friend of mine and I was picking flowers.

The plane was loaded with all sorts of sexy guys heading for some flight training somewhere. They offered us a ride and before I could answer


yep it was interupted by the knock at the door.

I think all the chemicals fed to me today had something to do with that dream.....

Or maybe its the pound of gauze in my hoo hoo...you be the judge...

I get to venture up to Dr. B's office for removal of the junk in the am!!!

Hope all is well with everyone, just wanted to let you know im still alive!

Thanks to EVERYONE for all their Prayers, thoughts, concerns and wishes!!

I will try to visit your blogs when im not so tired!

Take Care!

HMM is gonna take advantage of the kids not being here and grab another nappy nap!!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Surgery in the morning...

Well the day is tomorrow..

I have to have my Half Mexican ass up to McKenzie memorial at 7 am sharp!!!

My rear end sould be squeaky clean due to the self inflicted enema I will perform tonight.

I asked Buster if he would assist me in the task, He laughed and said NO...

He wouldnt think it was so funny if it was his rear....this is serious shit (no pun intended)...


Then my hoo hoo part shall encounter 2 baths of iodine one tonight, and one first thing in the morning.

I have no idea why I have to do all this myself...see when I gave birth they just threw it all in like a package deal....

makes a person wonder.

Now that youve read all the grody details I apologize and should have warned you in advance of my motives ;-)

Im hoping that this surgery works, as I have been having some peculiar pain.

AND I hope and PRAY that the labs come back as something that can be taken care of...before the 25th...thats when my insurance ends :-( Doc said they will put in a rush order on the labby labs....I hope he does....

I will try to post tomorrow to let you all know how it went...But warning!!!

Dont hold anything against me as I will be under the influence of intrvaneous anesthetic, and probably some other kind of oral drug....

And my hoo hoo will be packed with several rolls of gauze.

Lord, I HOPE THIS WORKS!!!

If your not familiar and really want to know what theyre going to do...google LEEP

Enough of that now.

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My 3 year old thinks she is a "chicken whisperer"...we took her to a friends last night that has horses and chickens and a duck.

Well she wanted the chickens to come out of the coop and into their fenced in little play yard.

So she sat

By the coop, calling them every sweet little word her 3 year old brain could muster!!

It was precious, and of course I didnt have my cam cam...


AGAIN!

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Okay ladies and gent....

Im going to go research my surgery now.

If you come up with or know of anything I should know about it, Please do tell....

Hasta Manana!

Monday, September 17, 2007

Near Death Experience

For those readers, which are most of you....

I have a tale...'

A tale of a little man named Buster whom almost died on our 11th anniversary...


See, I wasnt going to tell it until he was comfortable with it...

And after tellling several o friends, im assuming now he is.....



As the Big Guy reads this from time to time....



I forgot to tell that we almost lost Buster on our Anniversary night.



Not shitting you;;;;at all!


I was doing dishes at my Dad and stepmoms place after our Anniversary dinner....


allbymyself


and I heard

"whout whut whut whut goooooo!"

coming from beyond my dads back steps.


I looked out and Buster was all bent over in a half fetal position, smiling but coughing.


Too many Marlboros??

Too much gravy???


NOOOOOOOOOOOOO


Buster was choking.


\
For real.


He took a hit of stepmommmas turkey (he swears its always dry) and was actually


CHOKING TO DEATH

I went out and began the only thing that HMM knew how to do...


I started windmill punching him in the back!!!

And yelled "dad dad busters choking please help for real"


Then good ole Jim came out Philly cigar and all dangling outta his mouth and said


"hicklick hicklick, hicklick manuever...havent done this in years so stand back!!"
with his little manstance and his houserobe on with the cigar ash 2miles long....he was gonna save Buster!

I kept swatting him in the back with allthe strenght I could muster. and by the time dad got there.

Buster was fine.

I saved his life by beating the piss out of him.

He knows it.

Dad knows it....

So now im wondering.....WTH did I do???

Do Ihave an obsession with dirty socks, Ice cream bowls and a snoring zombie at nite???


Your damn straigt I do, I love that man.

No matter how much poultry he chokes on, how many socks he leaves me or the turmoulous snoring...I took a vow with that man 11 years ago


Little did i know what i got myslelf into, but I did before God and everyone!!! HAllejulia!!!

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On a different note


My friends female dog continues to hump my male puppy...

Is she lesbian?

Is she "bi"

Is she just a dumb freaking bitch (i mean that in the female dog way)

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Manager was yelling at Asst Manager today


thought she was kidding


then i realized she werent..

BEEYOTCH! u better not yelll at HMM the same way cuz I wont take that shit from no one especially for a min wage job

the first timeshe does will be the last...i swear

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went to visit Baby Devins grave Saturday

me myself a beer and his aunt my goo d friend , we cried

theres not even a headstone yet

i reassured her that honey is in Heaven being well taken care of, and so happy

it just hurts to stand over his earthly remains

my religion does not believe in that

his little soul has gone off to heaven

and it was out of respect that we stood there that day in his memory

Love you Devin, see you again another day sweetpea

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tomorrow I have very exciting things to post about my surgery prep

dont want to get yall to excited


you gotta wait


it has to do with an enema and iodine wash...I know your jealous!!

Saturday, September 15, 2007

He ate me!

Heres the 411 on the Anniversary....


it was so-so.

AND get your damn mind outta the gutter about my title. Got your attention didnt it...??

You wants for me to tell ya dontchya?

A nice dinner was had by all. We got gifts from our parents and a card with cash in it from a family friend.

After our feast we were presented with


dadadada!!! No sorry I have no pic...HMM forgot her cam cam....tsk tsk..

A nice cake that read like dis:

Happy Anniversary Dan and Jill, September 14th 1996...my dad thought the cake was expired I had to explain that part to him....

ANYWAY

I sliced it up and just happened to give Buster a perfect piece (hee hee) that had nothing on it but my name....I handed it to him (no one heard this) and told him to "eat me" ....and of course he did....twas yummy too.

He bought me a box of wine as my anniversary gift.

Its kind of a joke between us...to make the story short on one of our first aniversaires we were very broke, as most newlyweds, and couples of 11 years are. And brought home a box of wine after work. You know one with the tap on the bottom of the box....

Yep nuttin but the best for HMM!!!

So you see every year he "surprises" me with a nice fancy box o wine.

We usually drink it out of our original chapagne glasses that we drank from on our wedding day, but the Butler hasnt unpacked that box yet.....

Or wait...maybe the maid forgot to.

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Upon sitting in the parking lot of Walmart, waiting for Buster to retrieve my surprise box o wine...the eldest blurted this out:

"North Whore"

to which I replied a ghastly

"WHAT!!!"

She said "Right there on that truck....North Whore"

I craned my hafmexican neck to get a glimpse...afraid of what I might see....

Thinking I was gonna spot a naked chick sporting a Santa hat or sumptin.....

The writing on this van (damn I wish I didnt forget the cam cam last night) was written"

"North hore Landscaping Inc."


The "s" was missing....

Thats my girl..she never misses a beat....

A real chip off the ole HMM block.

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A special thanks to Just A Mom (see far right for the link, im lazy like that, and stupid) for the award she threw out to me the other day...

I feel like a real Boob cause the first time I read her post I totally missed it....

It was the night the Friend and I drank lots o beer....(see one of the recent posts below)

My drunken eyes musta missed it.

But at least I caught it the next day *pats on the back*

Jaye your'e one of the sweetest blogging buddies I have on here. You are one of the most caring people, your thoughts, prayers and concern for me are...priceless!!!

If you havent checked her sight out already, Do it! Cause I said and iffen ya dont im gonna hunt you down and shove a burrito in your butt!!

Just kidding. But wouldnt that be interesting though....Id definitely remember the cam cam for that one!!

Take care Amigos!!

Have a Great Weekend!

Friday, September 14, 2007

FINALLY its Freaking Friday!

A few things for ya this lovely Friday afternoon.

First of all its really not that loveley, its raining and 59 out, im dead tired, got sent home early from work cause it was slow, and dammit my cervix hurts!!!

Now that im done griping like a stupid Boob...

here we go

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Today marks my Eleventh wedding Anniversary.

Dear Buster....

I love you with all my heart and soul. I love the children you squirted into me, and even the way you snore. I especially like and find entertaining the conversations you hold with yourself in your sleep.
You were a very brave boy thirteen years ago when you decided to ask me to marry you. Little did you know what you were getting yourself in to. A new crazy sometimes crude father in law, a bitchy step mother in law who is a hypocondriac, a moronic felon brother in law who wanders aimlessly around Texas "livin on the fat of the land".
Plus a new bride that can change moods in zero to sixty.
I dont even mind picking up the endless popcans, socks, ice cream bar wrappers, dirty clothes, and used kleenex that you a re constantly leaving by the bed. Not to mention the shit you leave infront of the couch, but thats a whole nother blog so I wont even go there.
Thanks for putting up with my ass since 1991, holding my hand through 2 births, and one miscarriage. Weve had our good times and our bad.
And weve made it this far. It has been challenging to say the least, and I hope we have eternity together, because Im a crazy bitch like that. I love you.

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Now that the mushy shit is out of the way...lets see if Buster even remembers today. I will let you know tomorrow.

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My three year old came running into the house last night as I was making a salad and through tears said to me

"Daddy told me to get my little ASS in the house"

It was so cute, funny and pathetic at the same time...!!

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My dog got into the bathroom garbage yesterday morning....

yep, nothing says good morning like used pantiliners and toilet paper rolls chewed up and strewn about throuout the house at 9 am....twas lovely.

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Me and my friend Brandi stayed up real late last night after the kids went to bed and drank LOTS O BEER :-)

We dont get to do that very often....

oh yeah and we listened to Reo Speedwagon over and over cause were nerds like that...

THE SAME SONG OVER AND OVER AND OVER!

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Well Im gonna go get out of this uniform, put on something comfy and snooze next to the little one til the oldest gets off the bus. I gotta take a painkiller or sumptin first as im having a major pain in the cervical region.

Then its off to Jim and Sues for our "Anniversary Dinner" I bought all the stuff and my stepmom is making me turkey, baked sweet potatoes, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, corn on the cob, rolls and cranberry sauce...cause well thats what I wanted!!

Stay tuned to see if Buster remembers what the hell he is even at the inlaws for tonight...this should be interesting!!!

HMM OUT!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Shit on a Shingle

I just like the sound of that title...

Actually its a pretty damn good supper....

My stepmom takes ground beef and browns it with onion, then makes a milk gravy within it with salt and pepper, and serves it over mashed potatoes...yum...

comfort food.

How do you make shit on a shingle?? or do u call it something else??

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I answered the phone at my job yesterday, it was the cordless laying right next to my register and no one would answer it...

Little did I know that this was a priveledge "only for managers"...

The asst. mgr on duty informed me of this in a snoblike way to shich I replied, and im NOT kidding...

"If you dont want anyone else answering it then dont leave it lying around"

of course I said it with a smile on my face and a hint of sarcasm...I will call this manager Tinyeyes as she has tiny eyes, and is one of the 4 women managers I have.

And she is known to be the "bitch" but I try not to let her bother me.

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Buster was talking in his sleep the other night and said aloud...

"There you go snow shoes and all"

I laughed and tapped him on the shoulder as I was wide awake, and asked him what he was dreaming of...and he said (still in dreamstate)

"Snowshoes snowshoes, you all have them"

so I asked AGAIN...

he started giggling REALLY hard and was still sleeping and talking at the same time...

he said "you women dont care if the snows up to your ass you'll still run snowshoes and all to get to where your going."

I then just realized there was no way I could get him up to talk about his dream, and I guess his explanation was good enough!!

Monday, September 10, 2007

Surgery on Wednesday

Well I went back to the doc today for my follow up on the biopsy...

Not what I was hoping to hear.

I have to have the lower half of my cervix removed the "abnormalties", and they are also going to perform a uterine biopsy at that time...just to check on that part also. Which scares me but I guess they are doing it as a precaution....yep just like the colspocopy was a Precaution...

Ive been reading up on this procedure, and accroding to the doctor it is 90 to 95 percent effective....so im hoping and praying that it will be.

I only have insurance til the end of the month, so hopefully this will take care of my problem..

My SIL has a really good friend that had this done and it took care of her....

At some point and time in the past I had an infection that was more than likely not treated as it had no symptoms, welll theyre thinking this caused the abnormal cells...

Hopefully after next Wednesday I will be harvesting a cervix full of healthy cells!

The only part I dont like is going under anesthesia...but it is just a minor surgery and after an hour of recovery I can go home...cant go back to work for 3 days, no heavy lifting and no whoopie for a month...not sure Big Buster will like that too well but theres not much I can do about it...
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Work went well today....I only fu***ed up a handful of times so that has decreased my "funny mishaps"...

Other than that things have bee uneventful around here...

Buster is laid off for the week, so he is out and about....working on his aunts furnace and visiting his grandparents I think.

Just thought I would keep you all posted on my crotchal issues.....

Im gonna take a siesta now!!

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Light Tomato

Well Tuesday I started my new job at Burger King....


I NEVER knew that there is so much to learn.

I have always worked in offices, well I waited tables in high school, but thats a whole other ball of wax.

I feel bad cause I used to stereotype people that worked in places like that, like that only high school dropouts and dopes worked in fast food joints.

But foolish pride being what it is, made me realize that at job is a job. ANY job.

Take for instance Buster...he is a lisenced plumber aka...."Turd Chaser" "Toilet Whiz" you know...but actually his job is very important. AND he rarely ever deals with chasing turds as that nifty position is usually held for apprentices.

I dont really want a 9 to 5 job, and this works out well as it is 12 to 15 hours a week, and I strictly put on my application NO nights and weekends. Although I did help out this weekend cause they had someone quit on them.

I felt like a total horses ass today because I tried to make a shake for the first time and being the dope I am whirled ice cream all over me the machine and my co-worker....she thought it was funny.

And I know I am pissing the people off in the kitchen because I am constantly ringing up stuff on the register then deleting it...they probably party hardy when I leave!!!

Today I rung up a burger and put "Light tomato" on the screen....the guy cooking got a good laugh. He didnt know whether to de-seed the tomato or slice it in half....I MEANT to put "light mayo" and the buttons being as close as they are well...you know.

Im glad I can make them all laugh at me but at the same time I feel like a real Butthead!!

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I came home from work today and my 3 year old was running around in a wet tshirt and NOTHING else!!!

Buster was lounging and eating Doritos and drinking root beer and pretty much let the kids runamuck the whole time I was gone...

I asked him why his daughter was half naked like an indian running around and he wasnt doing anything about it...

I guess she tried giving the puppy a bath, and the whole bathroom and herself at the same time...im just hoping this little event didnt take place in the toilet, as that is the only source of water she can reach.

I asked the oldest if Daddy had fed them while I was gone and she replied "Sure we had Doritos and pop".....men...you cant live with em and ya cant kill em!!

So I gave Little Bean a bath, and made them some pot pies, cause you know thats HMM's house specialty.
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Til next time....keep your tomatoes heavy, and pray that your kid dosent bathe your dog in the toilet!!

Hasta Luego!!!

Friday, September 7, 2007

Take Nothing for Granted

I know its a cheezy title...but after what I went through I REALLY mean it.

Seeing and holding a little bruised up deceased infant and holding his sweet hand for the last time will do that to a person.....

So me's got to thinkin on the way over to my inlaws how much I take for granted.


Its a really sobering way to make you realize the depth of the whole meaning of life.


I have a BEAUTIFUL, healthy, and alive little family and I tell you what I THANK GOD!


Im going to try not to bitch about the small stuff anymore.....





I also have friends like this:





who will model an ensemble of balloon wear to make me smile....I thank God for that too.


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I also have this:


That is my two little girls playing the "Tase Test" game with 2 different brands of microwave popcorn....

Cause theyre kids and they do shit like that!

Stay tuned...I may post pics of them "Doing Laundry" outside and hanging it on the little makeshift clothseline that their Momma made for them

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I was wondering what it is that you all take for granted?

Cmon nobodys perfect, im just curious....

Plus it will help to not feel like such a Boob...

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On behalf of his family I would like to say Thank You to all who thought of, and prayed for little Devin yesterday.


Til next time
Dont take ANYTHING for granted...

Now im about to go show my indoor plumbing some love...
see told ya im not taking anything for granted!!!

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

I wear the pants!

Well I wear the ones on the right anyway....



I told the people my size, I ordered them a size bigger just in case, cause the lady said they "ran small"

So as you can see....they are clearly jynormous!!!


I can fit both of my children in there and still have room for the dog, and maybe a turkey and some potatoes.....

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On a totally different note....


A WAY more somber note.....


My good friend is here and yesterday she found out that her one year old nephew was killed by an "accidental strangulation by and electrical cord"....


I put it in parethesis because there is still an investigation as some stories are not matching up.


The baby boy was found by his 3 year old sister Labor Day night...with a cord wrapped around his neck...


Grandma and her boyfriend were watching the baby and grandma went to take a shower and told bfriend baby was sleeping....long story and very sad....


I will be attending an infants funeral for the first time tomorrow and im not looking forward to it.


So if Im not around for a few days, you can understand....

Rest in peace little Devin, you are in Jesus' arms now.

Everyone loves you and always will, we will see you again at the pearly gates little one....

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Long Weekend!

Last things first of course...you know me, I am a very backassward type of woman..


FYI, my date is wrong on all my photos.

They are tagged with yesterdays date.

Im to lazy/havent gotten around to changing that.

The is my First offspring, at about 7 am today she was ready for her first day of Third grade.



She wanted to walk to school this year.


I said "Hell No"........


we compromised with letting her walk to the bus stop which is around the block...you see school is 8 blocks away.

Way too far in my opinion for a 7 year old to try to walk. Dont even get me started on all the distractions that could cause a child like mine to be late.....

And all the crazies out there who could do who knows what to her and then I would be in prison for hunting them down, and tearing their organs from the inside out through every orifice slowly and painfully.

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Twas a relaxing weekend for the Joneses...

Friday night we drove over to the lakeshore where some friends of ours were camping. That was fun. Walking a mile to the john every time one of my kids had to go, which is every 10 seconds, however was not so fun....

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Lets see here....

oh yeah, Saturday we went to my Dads for dinner. He grilled as usual he is a genius on the BBQ...her is Grandpa (my dad) and my girls. Which as you can probably tell are his only Grandchildren....he spoils them just a little...

My oldest is making a peace sign there....and the little one is holding a balloon.

bought them one of those balloon sets with the pump and a gadgillion long balloons to make poodles and flowers etc....

the children didnt make any animals of flowers but did make some unusual looking specimen....

among my favorite are the "multiple twisted weiners" yes...my children are creative.



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And sometimes plainly retarded...as noted below ;-)

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Well I tried on my "work pants" before I tried to hem them.


1. The waist came up to my nipples.

2. The bottom went past my feet, and hit the doorframe three feet away from me.

3. The damn thing had pleats in the fronts.

So lets just say I never did hem them and I will wear my own black pants to work.....

Sunday, September 2, 2007

All things New

All things New....

For instance a New digg on the forehead for not opening your 3 year old sister a can of Mountain Dew at 8:30 in the morning as Mommy blatently sleeps in...

Dont mess with the little womans caffeine addiction, or you'll grotesquely pay the consequences. And she is not joking....

Mind you the photo was taken 2 days after the incident.


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New month.....






Yay September! I love the smells of Fall. The brisk but not too cold weather.

Wearing hoodies and jeans again, trips to the pumpkin patch, apple orchard, and hayrides, haunted houses, evening bonfires.


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New Job...



I will begin my new part time job as a "Jill of all Trades" Tuesday....

I will be getting paid for 20 to 25 hours a week for NOT going insane...how cool is that??


Plus it gets me out of the house, and gives the Little one a chance at a daycare to learn some social skills.....

As noted from the photo above, I think she needs work in that department.


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New house????








New house you say???






Well.






Im not going to get "so excite" just yet.





Can you say "Remember what happened last time"



So....were going to look at a house Tuesday evening....Im not getting my hopes up til I see the place AND Papers are SIGNED!!!!!


We all know why and I wont even go there.

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Well im off to hem my six foot tall pants for work on tuesday...I only need to chop about 8 inches off them then tuck the hem under and hand sew the hem back together....


no.



im not joking.



And im not THAT handy with a needle and thread, but it has to be done .....


So till next time!



Cuidado de la toma!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Happy Trails

My friend and I took the children on a little field trip to the park last night.

Upon arriving at the park, Halfmexican Mama was stricken with severe gastrointestinal pain.


So.


You probably already guessed it....


I had to to....


#3.....


yep....


IN THE PORTA POTTY!!!

It has always a nightmare of mine...I detest those things....

I dont have to go into detail to tell you why.

But the pain was so severe, I had sprint my way to that makeshift craphouse......

And......OMG!


IT was just cleaned......NEVER USED!!!!!

I was sooooo excited I nearly lost my stool right then and there......Oh and I just happened to have a copy of a book I was reading which came in really handy during my "stay".

Im sure I looked really fine to those studly basketball players who saw me emerge from the craphouse with a book in hand......sheesh....who do I have to impress anyway???



Poor Little Bean about had her own accident....disappeared for a minute so I hollered out for her...we were the only ones on the play side of the park, so I was sure she didnt go far...


then I heard "MAMA"....coming from behind a tree....then....I heard.....two words that I REALLY didnt want to hear...



"I PEE"


"Yes I know your behind the tree baby come on out".......

and she did...

I so wish I had the cam last night...she came out from behind the tree...in broad daylight, in the middle of a public park naked from the waist down....

YEP....she's definitely her mothers child.

So we had to throw her panties away in the trash can right next to the "pee tree" cause they were soaked and there was no way I was carrying them home...her shorts were still dry though....for some reason she still hasnt grasped the concept that the world is not your toilet...

Neither has her mother!
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Does anyone know what happened to the Ellen Degeneres show??? That was like my favorite show.....

Everyday I watched or recorded it....I could ALWAYS count on her to make me chuckle....I have Dish network so keep that in mind....

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My puppy is trying to chew his way out of a metal cage right now....

Funny thing is I actually think he is making progress...

God Speed Little Dog..Godspeed!!

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Im going to wrap this up for today cause im a hungry hoe...and I want coffee too..and I have a lot on my plate for today...

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Next time you eat a taco....THINK OF ME!!!

Peace Out