Smorgasboard Breakfast

Well my beautiful offspring let me sleep in this morning, and Buster too of course...How nice?

When we got up around ten, O#2 was running around naked as a jay bird on crack..they ate about ten little debbie oatmeal cream pies for breakfast and a whole box of cocaine snacks (i mean fruit snacks) and probably a little coca cola thrown in for good measure...

The house looked like we had just experienced a B & E, and O#1 answered a call on the phone which happened to be someguy wanting to know if we still had chicken nesters for sale...?WTF? When Buster politely told the dude he had the wrong number he gave Buster a crapload of smack for letting a little girl answer the phone...

Dear Anonomous Caller:
Thank You for your sincere interest in the chicken nesters that we have never owned..sorry we could not be more efficient to your needs. In the future should you place a call to the wrong number, politely say that you are very sorry, and HANG THE F*** UP! It is none of your business as to the wrong upbringing that we are raising our children in. Kids will be Kids!!!

Shove it up your tight butt!
Love,
Mrs. J

FYI
My kids DO know that

#1 they should not scamper through the house naked EVER!

#2 they are NOT to answer the telephone or cell phone NO MATTER WHAT! (O1 just happened to forget that little rule today,i'll forgive her since she was high)

#3they should never ever ever answer the door for anyone, even if they know that person
(o1 let Papa in last week while Buster and I were in the shower...need I say more?)

#4they should never talk to strangers, even especially if the dude resembles Jesus....

They know a lot of other crap too...but they're kids, and im gonna love the hell out of their loud little misbehaving asses while they still are...

Peace Out
Bee-ach's

Turd Dropper in Da House!

O#2 is still potty training...weve got the peeing in the pot thing down (somewhat) but she will NOT poop on the pot!

This is soooo frustrating especially since she chooses to excrete presicesly at SUPPERTIME every day!!

Well at least it helps the dieting...there goes my appetite.

Today she was standing in the doorway between the living and dining room and said "uh oh mumma" I looked down and there was a brown golf ball sized turd laying on my berber...

So Frustrating....

Ive tried coaxing, offering gum and chocolate if she poops on the pot, tried sinking the cheerios and shes not falling for any of it.

Once when my sister had the same problem...my dad put her on a bunch of newspaper scattered all over the floor, with her mess scattered around her for about 4 hours...she never shit herself again after that...

Too harsh???

Spring Break

TGIF Current mood: creative Category: Life
? good morning peeps! I just got back from taking Offspring #1 to school...its her last day b4 spring break! Remember when that used to actually be a FUN time in your life??for some of you it probaly still is, i imagine the next "Spring Break" ill probably take is when the kids are moved out, cause i might actually have money then, my boobs may need a wheelchair of their own by then cause when i actually get monetary funds for the trip ill probably be about 80 years old...i will need to find transportation for my extra colostomy bag as well...you know maybe one of those little side cars next to the wheelchair, the kind like bikers use. Cause I want a custom made extra large extra heavy duty colostomy bag, that way im not worried about leaks or having to change it all the time, plus it will be handy considering i may try to finally break my Kegstand record too...AND I can jump on the wheel chair(ill just have to stuff the boobs under my ass or tie them in a knot) and just stroll down the boardwalk to all the hot clubs if i get too drunk...it will make flashing all the more easier too having my tits in the chair next to me..i should have room in my side chair for all the beads ill be getting, maybe for some souveniers too...im thinkin Daytona beach??? any sugguestion???

Later Chumps!

I have my moments...

I used to blog many moons ago...then the wrong people (co workers, family, etc..) got a hold of it and whammo! Kinda put the kiboshes on alotta shit...Im hoping only the right peeps will have access this time...Im just a regular sometimes not right in the head type gal...i have my moments like anyone else of humor, bitchiness, depression, anxiety blah blah blah...im starting a whole new chapter in this thing called life...just dodged a near divorce last year to my husbabd of 10 years...i will refer to him as "Knucklebuster" or just plain "Buster" from here on out as that is what he does for a living...the fruit of my loins will be refferred to as Offspring #1 and Offspring #2 or just o#1 or o#2 to protect their innocent privacy...they are girls ages 2 and 7..i may put pics on time to time...i dunno (in a Dustin Hoffman Rainmantype manner)