Thursday, May 3, 2007

I posted twice today!! woo hoo

Sorry I copied this from my space blog, but like I said I cant get these damn lyrics out of my head today...

Blue jean baby,
L.A. lady,
seamstress for the bandPretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music manBallerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sandAnd now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my handJesus freaks out in the streetHanding tickets out for GodTurning back she just laughsThe boulevard is not that badPiano man he makes his standIn the auditoriumLooking on she sings the songsThe words she knows, the tune she humsBut oh how it feels so realLying here with no one nearOnly you and you can't hear meWhen I say softly, slowlyHold me closer tiny dancerCount the headlights on the highwayLay me down in sheets of linenyou had a busy day todayBlue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the bandPretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music manBallerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sandAnd now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

444 & ANOTHER dream

For the past couple of years, I've noticed the time 4:44 coming up so much that its intensely strange...I will wake up at 4:44 in the am like twice a week, for some reason almost every day I look at the clock in the afternoon and it 4:44, like I said for the last couple of years...SO yesterday I Googled it. And you can do so as well if you like...I got a few different answers to the reason why this number keeps appearing to is that angels are letting me know that they are with me..another says that MY angels or spirit guide is trying to tell me "NO"....

NO to what? This is what really confuses the shit out of me...NO to the brand of toilet paper I use?...."NO" to the fact that I dont have a job?...."NO" to the relationship im in??? I mean WTF now im even more I typed in my birthday for a numerology reading (11-9-75) and I got a series of numbers that supposedly represent me and my life path etc...what was the first number you ask? 4! then there was a bunch of 6's and 1's...yup 4...I dunno Im going to research it a little more because I think theres more to it. It kinda scares though cause when you look at 444 on a digital clock it looks like three little pitchforks....I know im a freak, so sue me.

Last night was one of the worst nightmares of all times I dreamt that me and Buster and my inlaws and the 2 year old were in a roll over accident due to a truck in front of us losing a milkcrate on the was one of those you can feel every move, hear every scream and smell every smell dreams....I hate those. I should have been knocked on my ass cold due to the fact that I tool 2 valiums and a hot shower last night because of some major stress and anxiety. But NOOOO it takes a horses dose of drugs to do that to me.....I so need to lose weight.

And as I sit here on my fat ass at ten in the morning, still not dressed with groceries and dishes to put away from last night....I think to myself, I so need to lose weight. I will do it! It is just so much harder for some reason this year. Maybe cause its May and still feels like February half the time in Michigan!!! Damn I hate this state.

Well folks by bladder is full, I need to pee and the 2 year old is bitching for something to eat, so Im gonna go and pop a squat under one of the maples out back with my sling shot and as im pissing I will kill us a squirrell for breakfast, wish me luck and happy hunting ;-)

Monday, April 30, 2007

What does it mean to be "happy"

A friend of mine asked me today if I was happy...well my reply was "fairly". I think the definition of happines is different from person to person. For instance, I know of people who find their "hapiness" in various different things such as cigarettes, marijuiwanna, shopping, having/spending money, or my favorite, which I try to practice is happiness in The Lord. Christianity, pure living.

It is soooo hard to try to achieve happiness in ANYTHING unless you have help. For some, its a drinking partner, or a dope partner, or a shopping partner. I have a hard time because my house is like im the only one trying to find happiness in this area, cause I am the only one really trying to live that way right now.

I have my friends and my church family, but not much else. I've learned not to trust in any man (or woman) so that may be why I dont have too many friends right now. The way I look at it, the people who are in my life right this immediate moment are the ones that are supposed to be there. And I try to find my happiness in knowing that...

I want to know what everyone elses definition of "happiness" is.....any takers?

Yea im a little depressed today, bear with me..its that time of month ;-)