Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Sending out an SOS

I'm sending out an SOS..

I think the Wee One is secretly plotting against me, or the nation, or maybe Noggin...shit maybe all three!

She wants to off me, or have me committed to the local Insane Asylum.

I am 99 percent certain.

Looks innocent enough dont you think?

One would have a look at the the pictures and assume that she is a bubbling, little girl.

You know made of sugar and spice and everything nice?

Not until you went through what I did yesterday.

Ladies and Gent of the jury, I submit to you Exhibit A:

First off...a friend stopped by to visit...Wee One was no where to be seen/heard, so I checked on her....

Found her in the john brushing her teeth....

Great! A 3 year old that brushes her teeth without being told, How Wonderful you say???

That is until I find the sink BONE DRY and the toilet seat SOAKING WET!!!



you be the judge on that one.


Ladies and Gent of the Jury (I'm assuming Ben may read this) I submit to you

Exhibit B:

Now this may have been her hidden attempt at calling the Squad, I'm not sure...

But as I was relaxing on the commode, the one place I can attempt to find some type of peace and solace, I whipped out my latest Luanne Rice novel and began to read....

when I heard a voice

right outside my locked door say

"Wus your nayme?" (she drags the word name)

to which I replied "Mumma"

then I asked her to go talk to daddy cause mumma was busy...

I was in there 3 minutes....tops....I swear on my lucky panties....

thunder and lightning were crashing all around outside, and made for a grand vacancy of the commodial area....

I picked up my cutie pie, and kissed her...

this is WAY after the tooth brushing incident.

After I quickly realized my lips were GREASY...greasy with what you ask??

So did I to which I got the response..."Don't be mad mumma...its only budder"

I ran to the kitchen, and yup, AS she was on the phone calling in the squad, she had a stick of butter rubbed all over the counter, not to mention all over her cheeks and lips!


Oh yeah and my cell phone was still on the line....I could hear a faint voice saying "Hello. Hellloooo!" over and over

She didn't call in the Squad that time, but instead dialed up the Girl Scout Troop Leader.

So when I thought she was talking to me through the bathroom door, she was chatting it up with the local Girl scout Lady..brown nosing for the future possibly...but that's here say

Ladies and Gent I submit

Exhibit C:

Now with the given information, I have reason to think that maybe this is one genius 3 year old were dealing with here.

Either that or a woman on a mission to build a b**b in the middle of the night and plot a wee-terrorist attack.

Buster was sleeping, it was maybe 3 am or so.

Remember my kids are sharing a bed right now as some asswipe of a dog chewed the living hell out of her mattress a few posts back.

I blame my daughters wee terrorism on the fact that she has to share a bed with her sister whom is 4 and a half years older...and every time sister thrashes it makes wee one want to wake up and do chores,

or build a bomb, I dunno

Buster heard a noise, so being the man that he is woke up to check on it, its his natural protection instinct kicking in there....

but what he found was

1. An open front door leading to the driveway/street.

2. Random chemicals ie: bleach, laundry soap, dish soap scattered amongst the household.

3. A fully awake 3 year old.

4. I found the hot water tap running in the bathroom when I awoke at 7 this morning...yeah it was going all night...

Now it has been stated by my eldest that Wee One made mention of letting the puppy out in the middle of the night....she said she was half asleep and thought sissy was just talking in her sleep....

Therefore Ladies and Gent of the jury, I give you HMM's synopsis the random occurrences..

I believe that:

a. Big trouble can come in small packages.

b. Wee One may have been fighting or attempting to fight the war on terror in her own little way, but at least SHE TOOK THE DOG OUTSIDE BY HERSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IN THE CITY before she did so. She may have been doing this my the making of homemade Soap Slicks, or Bleach b***
be the judge.

c. HMM is trying to omit using the b**b word and terrorist/terrorism in the same post as not to draw Government attention OR have a voice chip or GPS bug implanted in my car on my next family outing to Wally World...Now go back to playing with your Lincoln Logs ya big jerk!

d. I ask you does this look like the face of a Hardened future Criminal...or just a kid high on caffeine and sugar...You be the judge.

Each and every member of the jury is allowed to state their opinion...

Do Not let the top photo influence you in any way, as looks can be deceiving.

What type of punishment should be deployed amongst the Wee One??

Do you believe that this sort of behavior Ladies and Gent can indicate what type of Adult Wee One will be in her future?

Should Wee One attend public or private school Next year?

Is she Gifted, Or just on her way to becoming the first female semi-terrorist?

Is there any difference between the two?

Should I STOP letting her eat dirt and grass???

The information is out.

It is up to YOU.

The future of Wee One lies in your hands Ladies and Gent....I don't know how much longer I can take this before I am actually being visited by all of you while in a Mental Ward.

Now im going to go put a bra on, get another cup of coffee, and catch up on some of the other blogs as I return to work today FINALLY!

Oh and before I go I would like to take this opportunity to Thank Cheeky aka Snow Trapped Southern Girl, for the get well wishes she sent to me yesterday, Cheeky you are stellar...YOU Rock!!

Peace Out!

Monday, September 24, 2007

We dont get out much

Alright, I'm done with my nonsense posts, most of the alcohol/drug induced posts of the past week are out of my system....

Hopefully for good.

It was fun while it lasted.

So now I will invite you to view my latest Photo Jiz....


I mean it.

Saturday was a fun filled family day with the Joneses....

We started the exhilarating day by going to the apple orchard, and picking a bushel of Jonathan and McIntosh....

HMM ate 2 while picking and had to make a B-line to the john....

Freshly picked, pesticide apples have that effect on my belly....OUCH!!!
Then it was off to Port Huron for some Dinner at the "AL-Live Garden", which is how my 3 year old pronounces Olive Garden...

For some reason its her favorite place to eat....

Even though she ALWAYS orders fries and chocolate milk, which you can get anywhere, but for some reason she fancies fries and milk at an Italian joint.....

they act so much like their daddy...

We went to Chuck E. Cheese, and Halloween USA as well...

Then off to do some shopping at the mall...

We thought we'd pick up a cocktail and let the kiddies get dessert at Garfields in the mall..

They chose Triple Fudge 7 layer chocolate cake.....the waitress split one piece in half and put it on two plates....oh yeah she said there was also and extra broken (size of a football) chunk they couldn't sell so she split it up between my kids.....


Did she think that was cute?? I was already playing the role of Mommy of the Year by letting my kids go nuts on a 2000 calorie confection as it was....

and she thinks I need her help????

So here's proof that we don't get out much.

Yes, we did this in public....

We could not help ourselves, honestly we are in serious need of some good dental coverage!

Keep Going, here is Buster..

Here's the wee one!

Here is the culprit. Looks like a pile of you know what if ya ask me!

This has nothing to do with the whole she-bang, not trying to throw you off or anything but this is by far the worlds smallest car.
Compare it to the mid size Bonneville to the right...I swear it was MAYBE 5 foot long...I dont think this would make a good Grocery Getter.
Unless of course it was equipped with stow and go.
Shit I just realized that I forgot to post a pic of myself with rotten fudgy teeth....
I will leave you with that image for a different post.
It really was a quite striking photo.

To the left is one of the most intriguing Halloween decorations Ive seen in years.
This is the Holy Grail of grills, It makes sizzling noises, and smokes, and can handle a dozen feet or hands at the same time.....
Halloween USA rocks!
To the right please notice my award winning apple photo.
Well maybe not award worthy to you but it is to me......
Got me to thinking when we were picking.....Poor Eve in the Garden of Eden...
What girl wouldn't be tempted to pick that??
Although there are some that disagree the fruit that was picked was possibly a pomegranate, or some other type.....
Well I'm off to grab another cup of Joe....stay tuned
We will be moving by the end of Oct, I will keep you updated, Oh and of course before and after pics of my new humble abode!