Friday, May 25, 2007

The Kid, The Poop, and The Cops.

I like my title....tee hee.

Anowho. Here is a sample of my day yesterday. In a clamshell.

The youngest and I went to do laundry at Sandusky's finest little laundry house in town, and the only one might I add, yesterday morning. It was about 90 here yesterday, and around 155 in the laundr-o-mat, I turned around to put clothes in the dryer, and the little one was right there, staring back at me with her blue stained candy face, when I turned once more HER LITTLE ASS WAS GONE!!!

Not gone for a moment. Gone GONE...

The only 2 people that ever read this both know that the laundromat is on a MAIN street, not to mention a deadly corner where punks and old people alike speed through on their way to do whatever it is that punks and old people do.

I FREAKN RAN. Now picture this lovely scene. My short fat squat little ass big boobed body RUNNING through the laundromat, yelling for the little shit. No answer. OH SHIT. I looked out the front window, no kid. I looked in the utility kid. I BARGED into the room where the people that work at The Laundro-mat work, no kid. They were stuffing their faces with Chinese food. One young teenage looking I said this

"Little kid. This high (put my hand by my thigh). Blonde Hair. You seenOne?"

He just happened to look out the window facing Dairy Queen and didnt say a word and pointed. He never moved an inch....just pointed. I RAN to my little shithead that was TEETERING on the motherloving curb of Margaret street and M46...PHEW!!!Those 2 year olds are freakin FAST.

I dont think Ive been that relieved since I pissed on the neighbors lawn a month ago. Thats a whole nother blog.

BUT moving on, The little one FINALLY pooped yesterday thanks to Magnesium Citrate, Or Blue Moon Ice cream...not sure which. Im just glad she finally punched it out. yet again another relief...Now I gotta take her poop card up to the hospital for them to put the shit under a microscope to see if she has microbial aliens living in there...hey if theirs a circus going on in their I want some of the profit...Dammit.

Last but not least...we went to Forester Inn for dinner last night...YES all you can eat crab legs and butter and salad bar. A LowCarbers dream....NOT.

The M-F'ers dont have the damn all you can eat crab legs anymore. No Excuses. Just dont have them anymore.

I WILL NOT ever go back there to eat. They also, in their mad frenzy, decided to re-do their freakin menu, and turned a 4 dollar burger into a 9 dollar burger. Fuckers.
BUT times are tough, and gas is expensive. SOOO needless to say they will lose a TON of business do to this foolish mistake.

So we got home and Buster went to visit His Buddies house, I put the little ones to bed, put on
some romantic music, and got in a cool shower. was that hot yesterday...

As I stepped out of the shower, there was a tap on the bathroom window. Naturally thinking it was Buster I opened the blinds about 6 inches. We live in town mind you.

There stood a man I had never seen before in my life. I asked who the hell he was, and he said "Its me Steve" I told him I didnt know no Steve.

He said "You know, Steve Murray" so I said "Gimme ten minutes" so I got dressed real quick in my cotton crop pants and tank, which I usually wear to bed when NOT going commando.

I stepped out in the driveway to get a look at this dude, and I had no frakin clue who this was. Still curious, I asked "And where do I know you from?"

"You dont" he said "I was just walking by and heard your music and liked. Actually I rode my bike by earlier today and saw you outside, and you looked familiar."

Now I was really getting freaked out. Its dark, 9:30 and Im home alone with 2 little girls. So I told this guy that my husband was gone to a buddies house about 4 block over, and would be home any second....he didnt budge. Instead he continued to make conversation, asking what hubbys name was, what he did for a living etc, etc...

THEN The Good Ole Sandusky PD came to my rescue, goood ole Gilley pulled right into my driveway, turned on the spotlight (I know, the neighbors will thank me in the morning) and said 2 phrases...

"YOU stay there." to "Steve"
"YOU step over here" to me...

So I came over to the side of the patrol car and he asked full name and address. Then he asked what was going on here. Referring to "Steve" and I standing in the driveway. Me in my pajamas. I told him
" I dont know this guy from Adam. I got out of the shower and he was knocking at my window and asked to come in. My husband is not home, so I did not let him in the house cause Ihave 2 little ones inside and were alone"
he says "good move ma' on your part. we got a complaint that a gentleman fitting this description was knocking down doors over on Morse St...what Id like you to do is go inside and stay there."

so i did, and watched and listened out the window as they arrested ole "Steve" and drove off...

In a frenzy and all riled up I tried calling Buster again. I dont know if I mentioned before but I tried calling him whn I first met the guy and didnt know him...finally Buster answered his cell and told me He' be home in a jif.

Sooooo...being the nice evening out as it was we stayed out by the driveway as I explained the incedent. THEN some tart is walking down the street. A Famous Town Tart...Im not throwing any names on this one. And Buster says "Nice night" the Feller wanders on up the driveway toward us, to chat obviuosly, no sooner did he turn up the drive way ANOTHER Town Clown from the PD turns into our drive and asks Buster what was going on....

I went inside and stayed .....I dont know WTF was going on in this town last night..Maybe some big double homocide or TRIPLE who knows. Maybe "Steve" was a murderer and trying to duck out in an innocent persons house. I dunno. Makes me wonder. I am just so glad I stuck to my instincts and didnt let the fucker in.

MAYBE me and the kids would have been held hostage...MAYBE if it was 20 degrees out I would have let him in, MAYBE he was stalking me all day, MAYBE he was stalking my kid all day at school and followed her home.

Whatever. I just thank the Lord that the girls and I are safe.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Say What?

I was fixing my hair the other morning and my two year old says "I gonna be your docker (doctor) momma" I didnt pay much attention I mean kids are always "playing doctor"....then she says "ok, turn on your belly I need to look in your butt".....MY POOR POOR KID!!

She has been experiencing some how shall I say..pooping problems. Like she only goes once or twice, if shes lucky a week. AND when doing so takes a lot of time and effort and extreme discomfort on her part. Usually involves some blood and some bright green crap. Im about fed up with the medical field because their not taking this as seriously as I am....

"did you try prunes"
"ever massage her anus?"
"sit her in a tub of warm water, then on the potty"
"make her eat more grains and fruits"
"stay away from cheese and rice products".............................................

I have heard it all and done it all!!
Hence I am waiting for the mother load right now so's I can smear it on a little card then wrap it securely and take it up to the hospital. I hope they will be able to see all the grains and fruit under the microscope....Bitches.....Oh and last night I started giving her Magnesium Citrate...gross stuff people.

Anyway I will keep you updated on the whole shitty situation.

On a brighter note I have been on my lowcarb diet 10 days and lost 6 maybe 7 pounds...I fell off the wagon with a bite of a potato Monday, but jumped right backon full force. The BIG weigh in will be Monday or Tuesday...wish me luck, hopefully I wont be raggin if you get my drift...everyone knows how much water weight gain is then...pfft.

Well Later my Lovely Chumps
Have a great holiday weekend :-)